


I make no apologies

by AkiieLoo



Category: Great Pretender (Anime)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Consequences, Depression, Edamura Makoto Needs A Hug I wanna hug my baby boi, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Friendship/Love, Giving Up, Healing, Healing Sex, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Long, Long Shot, Long chapers, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Makoto Deserved Better, Makoto has Emotional Baggage, Makoto is Tired, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Married Life, Oral Sex, Pregnant Sex, References to Depression, Rock Bottom - Freeform, Rough Sex, Self-Worth Issues, Sex, Stockholm Syndrome, They did my boy dirty hurt!Makato, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transphobia, Trying, You Have Been Warned, making an effort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 44,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiieLoo/pseuds/AkiieLoo
Summary: Since leaving University, Katsu Kane had only heard the name Makoto Edamura twice. Both times was from his television, and both times was about the same crime. Makoto was his first crush, his first love, but Katsu was to afraid to approach him. Eventually Makoto would slip his mind and for five years, Katsu never thought of him. Until, one day his life abruptly changes when he stumbles into an broken man that desperately needed help.A man that changes his life. Is it for better or worse?
Relationships: Edamura Makoto & Abigail Jones, Edamura Makoto & Abigail Jones & Cynthia Moore & Laurent Thierry, Edamura Makoto & Cynthia Moore, Edamura Makoto & Laurent Thierry, Edamura Makoto & Ozaki Seiji, Edamura Makoto/OC, Edamura Makoto/Orginial Character, Edamura Makoto/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 13





	1. Not A Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone
> 
> i have returned with a new story. an AU. i couldn’t help it. after I finished The Great Pretender, I wanted to write something. I disliked how season 2 ended. i hated the final reveal, with Dorothy and how everyone just – used Makoto! I was all for Laurent/Makoto until the final case. i’m so upset that Makoto just…accepted it? The breakdown was fake! What-Why!
> 
> anyway, this is own version of what happens next. In this, Makoto did not ‘forgive’ them and left. 
> 
> Katsu is a character I’ve had for some time. he is based on somebody in my real life, they helped me write Katsu. so I hope you enjoy him. Katsu is transgender. Was born a female, but decided to become male. 
> 
> english is not my first language. But I hope you are still able to read this. ah! it is quite long, due to writing so much backstory of Makoto and Katsu! Lot’s of sexy-steamy moments! Haha! 
> 
> enjoy

**Chapter 1**

**I am not a stranger  
**

The first time he had heard the name: Edamura Makoto, was during his first morning class in university. 

Bright blue eyes, and a dazzling grin. Makoto was just one of those people that enjoyed talking!

Katsu was sitting at his coffee table, when he heard the name again. He had been stunned upon seeing Makoto's face plastered on the televison screen. His old crush, his first love. Makoto had been arrested and sent to prison. From what he remembered, the company Makoto had been working for, had been scamming customers and committing fraud.

His crush had claimed he had no idea what his boss was up to, but nobody believed him. His father was a corrupted lawyer.

He didn’t have the time to pounder it further. His plane was due soon, and Katsu couldn’t risk the chance of missing it.

It was a big opportunity!

Katsu was due to land in Germany the next day! Ready to attend the best medical school he could afford! The first step in earning his families respect.

Katsu didn’t know when the young man was released from prison, but the second time that face appeared on the screen was even more of surprise then the first time. This time, his old university classmate was owning up to his crime. He claimed to have made a living conning people after being released.

The story was strange, and Katsu had become obsessed with it. Listening intensively as the news women told the tale.

How weird. His old classmate had given back a sack of money, and claimed he wanted to become a better man.

However, Katsu soon had to move on. He had to much to do, to much work to focus on. He was so close! So very close to becoming a doctor and making his family proud!

To finally making his mother proud!

Maybe they will finally accept him!

Katsu did not see him for many years. Five at least and this time, his old crush was not on his television.

No.

**Let them break me down to dust**

It was raging with water. The dark storm clouds gathered above Japan, slamming the country with one of the worst storms in years! Rain fell like bullets! Smashing everyone and anything in sight! People ran back and forth, eager to get out of the way from the attack.

Katsu sighed deeply, looking up at the blanket of horror. His lips twisted into a weak frown, his red mitten hand holding the old umbrella carefully. Wearily, he took a step out from under the bus stop shelter, only to jump back upon witnessing a poor man in a suit go flying.

He grimaced anxiously. How awful.

Tugging at the red scarf, Katsu pulled it over his mouth and nose – inhaling the crisp air sharply. His to big boots stuck into his tiny kneecaps, and quickly, he checked all the small loops and hooks of his faded brown coat, Katsu forced himself forward. Immediately his tiny body banged, almost flying off his feet by the strong wave of wind. He arched himself, slouching his body over to keep his balance and forced his assault through the storm’s attack.

Other people fought the storm too. One women used the garden wall to pull herself up the hill, while another man hunched himself with his hands in his pockets and went at it straight on. Katsu even caught another person fail and stumble back from an even harsh wave of water and wind.

Katsu twisted himself, pushing into a small alleyway to regain his strength and breathe. He was already tired! And all he did was journey up the hill! The alleyway gave him a little protection from the storm, allowing him wait a few moments. Inching back to the street, he poked his head and yelped from feeling the full force of the storm again.

Suddenly, the sound of bottles rolling across the pavement behind him, made Katsu jump. He ranked his head back, seeing a dark mass stumbling along the alleyway. The closer the mass got, the more Katsu was able to realize it was a person.

A man.

He was staggering forward, losing his balance.

The man was not prepared for the storm that was making Japan feel it’s wrath. The man had a pair of soaked, and ripped grey sweats, a dirty t-shirt with an unzipped dark jacket. As the man came closer, his jacket whipping around his too thin body, he raised a hand and revealed a green beer bottle. Clocking his head back, he downed whatever was in the bottle in one messy gulp.

Katsu stared at the sorry excuse for a man, slowly inching closer to the wall. His shoulders hunched awkwardly, his other hand reaching up to press against his chest. The man looked so warned out, tired. He couldn’t see his face, as his hair was long and covered most of his face – he even had a beard!

“A-Are you al-“

Katsu yelped, jumping when the man dropped his now empty beer bottle. It shattered across the alleyway floor, scattering across the pavement. A grumble escaped his lips, slurring out words that made no sense.

“Hey? Hey!”

Shooting forward, Katsu’s umbrella flipped over his shoulder as he rushed forward. Katsu’s arms raised, to catch the man when he went down. The man toppled to the side, hitting the alleyway wall and sliding down it, until he was sitting with his legs arched. Katsu crouched down next to him anxiously, nervously moving his hand to check on the man’s face.

“Hey, don’t go to sleep. Listen-“ Katsu cut himself off with a worried gulp. His eyes widened upon seeing reddish water washing along the man’s arms. The jacket stained darkly.

The man grunted, eyes closed and body jerking from the way Katsu pulled his arm out. Katsu twisted the sleeve of the coat up, revealing a horrific sight. A mess of criss-crosses coated the wet skin, red oozing from the flesh like a water fall. Katsu’s eyes widened so much that they burned, whipping his head to the man’s other hand, he checked on the man wrist. It wasn’t as bad, but there was still a deep slash.

Mouth opening, and shutting, Katsu gulped thickly. He checked his coat, looking for something that could help him slow the bleeding down.

“I-I’ll go the hospital and-and-“

“No,” the man slurred out, trying to pull his arms free, “S’good. No worry. N’hospital.” 

Pressing a wet handkerchief to the wound, Katsu’s eyebrows knitted together, “But you’re hurt! You’re not good, there’s so much blood and-“

“S’good,” the man repeated, sliding an exhausted brown eye open, “S’good. N’hospital.”

Unsure of what to say, all Katsu could do was nod. His attention returned to the wounds, using his handkerchief the best he could, he pressed it tightly against the wound. The man didn’t react to it. It was worrying how clam and quiet the man was, he had gone back to quiet humming. Katsu glanced up to find the man’s eyes closed again, his head laying back against the wall.

“Makoto Edamura?”

Slowly, the man’s head lowered again. His brown eyes slid open in surprise, staring back at Katsu.

The ginger shook his head, “Sorry, I mean…you wouldn’t remember, er-“

“Katsu Kane,” the man muttered quietly, “You sat at the back at university.”

Katsu’s eyes widened in surprise. He stared up into the pale face of the once bright, and beaming boy. Makoto Edamura, the hard working boy who had been through to much. What had happened to make the light die in his eyes?

The faded image of a young univseirty student appeared in his mind. A dark brown haired boy, grinning, laughing with his body slouched back in his seat. A small crowd of other students around him, all speaking at once. Katsu had been amazed Makoto was able to understand what they all were saying.

Makoto Edamura had always been smiling.

“Can I help you?” Katsu asked meekly.

Makoto, his face unmoving – eyes blank with no sign of life within them, nodded. He allowed Katsu to guide him to his feet, wrapping a weak arm around Makoto’s middle – to support him.

What had happened?

**Broken Parts  
**

Katsu stared into the boiling pot, watching the cut up vegetables swim in and out of the soup. The smell was salty, and smoky. His stomach would have growled if his mind wasn’t such a mess. Everything was spinning, it was crazy. This was the last thing he had expected to happen when he finished his latest shift at the hospital.

The buzzing sound of television fizzled through his ears. The news women drowning on about the murderous storm outside. His windows were shut tightly, with rain spitting at the glass. On the table behind him was a mess of towels, and bandages, he had to clean that away before the bathroom door opened.

Katsu inhaled sharply, running his fingers through his auburn hair. Slowly, he edged away form the oven to the table, beginning to clean it up.

Wrists neatly bandaged up, Makoto slowly stepped out of the bathroom. He was clean, his brown hair stuck to his face from the hot shower, while dressed in a loose-fit green shirt and slacks. It was the only thing Katsu had in his tiny flat that would fit the guy, Makoto had once been an cute skinny young man but now he was taller and bone-like limbs.

“D-Did you find everything alright?” he let out sheepishly.

Makoto blinked his blank eyes, “I’m sorry for the trouble.”

Katsu let out a soft hum, twisting his hands together. He tried not to, but found himself looking at Makoto’s arms. The only visible part of him, the skin looked like it had been stretched across his bones, as if there was little to none macule. Katsu swallowed thickly, his stomach tightening at the sight of them.

“Hm,” Katsu shook his head with a sweet smile, “Are you hungry? I’ve made chicken stew, and I make killer dumplings!”

Makoto just stared in return. His lips perched together, but that was it. Nothing else crossed his face, no emotion, no nothing. Just blank.

Slowly, Makoto nodded his head, “Is…is there anything I can do to…to help?”

“Oh, no-no,” Katsu gasped, sheepishly waving a hand, “It’s alright! I got it covered! Just sit at the table, and I’ll get you a…big bowl full!”

Makoto quietly watched him, calmly sitting at the table. Even when the bowl was placed in front of him, all he did was stare at his own reflection. Katsu’s eyes saddened, worry growing within him as he watched the younger man.

“Um…is…is something wrong?”

Just like that, Makoto snapped out of his thoughts. He straightened himself, his face didn’t change from the same blankness but he seemed to become more aware of himself, Katsu and their surroundings. Mutely he nodded, and shakingly, took a spoon of the soup.

“It’s good,” he said quietly, “Thank you.”

Katsu nodded his head, distain growing further within him. Something wasn’t right. This couldn’t be the Makoto Edamura he went to university with. This wasn’t him. Not the boy he knew, had watched from a distant and had developed a crush on. This…this was a broken man.

No, not a broken man. No. But a _shattered_ man. A man that had nothing left, had nothing else to lose. 

But the bigger question is: who destroyed him?

…and why…

When the storm had passed, the two laid side by side. Two futons laid out, thick pink and green blankets over their bodies. Katsu laid still on his back, staring up at the ceiling tiles mutely. His eyes scanning every line in his ceiling, the lamp to the side shined dimly.

“I’m sorry.”

Katsu blinked, rolling his head across his pillow. He turned to stare at Makoto.

“I’m sorry,” Makoto repeated quietly, “I’m sorry for bringing so much trouble to you. I am sure I must have ruined your day…”

Katsu’s lips twitched. It was the most Makoto spoke! Something fluttered within his chest.

“It’s no trouble, at all,” Katsu smiled, “I’m happy to help.”

Makoto doesn’t say anything to that. Instead he sighed, his eyelids twitching, “You should be careful who you say those words to.”

“What do you mean?” Katsu frowned, “I know you, so I’m happy to help you.”

“Do you?” the other said, finally turning his head to stare at Katsu, “Do you really know me? It’s been almost seven years since university. People change, you know.”

Katsu swallowed thickly, his view lowering to look at Makoto’s bandaged up arms. His fingers twitched with the urge to reach out to them, but he prevented himself. Instead, he focused on Makoto’s words, trying to figure out of there was any hidden meaning in them.

“You changed,” Katsu mumbled quietly, “What happened, Edamura?”

_What happened to you?_

Makoto was quiet for a few agonizing minutes, “Many things. To many things.”

“Did somebody hurt you?” Katsu asked without thinking, but when he realized what he said, he gapped. Katsu’s green eyes widened, and he shuddered, “I-I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me.”

Emotionless, Makoto shook his head, “No, it was not insensitive. I understand why you would think that.”

“…so then…I’m wrong?” Katsu meekly asked, pulling at the pink blanket.

“No, you’re right,” Makoto said, “I was hurt, many times. But I won’t talk much more about it.”

Katsu swallowed down the protest, forcing it back down his throat as he didn’t have the right. He didn’t have the right to question Makoto, to prod and beg for answers to point of making Makoto uncomfortable. Something very serious, and very traumatic had happened…

“…D-Do you not have anybody? Where did you live before-before I found you?” he asked instead, eyes dropping back to Makoto’s bandaged arms.

Makoto closed his eyes, “I have nobody. I am alone. I have nowhere to go.”

Mouth falling open, Katsu whined mutely to himself. Makoto had so many friends back then. He was always surrounded by excited people. How…had everyone really abandoned him? Makoto was really alone now?

So much could really happen in five years…

“You can stay with me, if you want?” he offered shyly.

For the first time since Katsu had meet Makoto again, a tiny flick of emotion appeared on his face. Makoto’s eyes widened, slight a pinch and then returned to their lightless form.

“I can’t.”

Katsu frowned deeply, “Why not? You said you had nowhere to go. You can stay with me. Please? I want to help you…you said I could earlier, remember?”

“I don’t want to rely on people anymore. They always sting me.”

Eyes widening, Katsu’s mouth shaped an ‘O’ shape. He shifted in his futon, turning to face Makoto fully.

“You don’t have to rely on me, Edamura. I’m not sure what happened to you, and you don’t have to tell me, but…I care. I won’t sting you…” he said anxiously, nervously. His head lowered, suddenly feeling very self-conscious, “I mean…I want to-to…help anyway I can and I…”

Makoto was quiet. He doesn’t speak anymore of the night, but Katsu heard the unspoken answer.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he laid back down. Maybe he could help Makoto…?

**The sharpest words cut me down**

A full week had passed since Makoto had begun to stay with him. It was strange, but oddly nice. Katsu had become used to being alone. He hadn’t lived with another person since university, and had become custom to not sharing a living space with anybody. Suddenly, having to share the space with another person was enlightening but slightly annoying. Many times Katsu had ran to bathroom, and found it locked.

For the first few days, Makoto didn’t speak to him at all. After their mini conversation the night before, Makoto wouldn’t even look at him let alone speak a word. But by Wednesday, Makoto had become to bow his head and mutter quiet ‘thank you’ whenever Katsu had a hot meal ready and such.

By Friday, Makoto was looking at him again.

Baby steps! Little steps! But it was progression.

Katsu dragged himself through the busy streets of Japan. His hands lightly rubbed his throbbing right thigh. A grimace stretching across his lips as he dragged his right leg. It ached with every step, like always, but Katsu did his best to ignore it.

“Edamura?” he called, pushing the flat’s door open, “I’m back from my appointment, I was thinking about trying to make rosemary and lime chicken curry? I’ve never made it before, but I’m sure it shouldn’t be that hard-“

Katsu’s words died in his throat. He stumbled into the small flat, his eyes widening in shock. Bottles rolled across the wooden floor. One green bottle hit his foot, and when Katsu tried to step away from it, he found himself stepping on cigarette buds.

“Edamura?”

Walking further into the single room flat, it was easy to spot Makoto. The man of bones was huddled in the far corner, slouched over with thousands of beer bottles and cigarette buds around him. When had Makoto even gone to get them?

“Edamura,” he mumbled, making his way over to the man, “Edamura…I…”

Makoto hiccupped, lifting his head when Katsu sat on his knees in front of him. His watery eyes stared at the ginger, a look of disdain seeming to cover his pointed face. A wobbly hiccup escaping his thin, chipped lips.

“Oh, you’re back, huh?” he grumbled, sloppily running a hand over his face.

Katsu’s eyes scanned the bottle with a grimace, “Edamura, come on. Drinking is-is bad, and you-“

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Makoto slurred. He grabbed one of the unopen bottles from the bag at his side, and sloppily opened it, “Hehe, ah, so you want to use me too? Like everyone else!”

Katsu frowned, “No, I don’t want to use you. What are you talking about? I want to-“

“Help me!” Makoto laughed, rolling his glassy eyes, “Surrrrreeeeee! That’s what they said too! They want to help meeeee!”

“B-But I do.”

Makoto snickered even more, grossly drinking his beer. The liquid rolling over his beard, “It’s alright, we can use little pathetic _Edamame_! He can handle our fuckery, after all, he’s soooooo strongggggg!”

Eyebrows raising, Katsu shrunk back, “E-Edamame? I don’t…”

“Hahaha!” Makoto cackled, “You don’t care about me! Nobody does! Hahaha! Use me, push me, lie to me, screw me over! Over and over and over! Hahaha! I’m just everyone’s little bitch!”

He went for another bottle. Katsu narrowed his eyes at the beer bottle, noticing there was many left in the bag. Immediately he dived for the bottle, tugging it out of Makoto’s hands or trying too. For a bony man, Makoto was very strong!

“I think you’ve drank enough!”

Makoto snorted, “Shut up! Don’t tell me what to do!” he twisted his hand against Katsu’s chest, and pushed.

Katsu yelped, falling back onto the ground. His eyes grow wide, and then squinting back at Makoto. The two just stared at one another, neither speaking, or maybe they weren’t breathing? Everything was so tense all of a sudden. A throbbing inside his head made his eyes peek with water.

“Edamura, I didn’t hurt you.”

Makoto’s face tightened up painfully, his eyes dimming further. Something crawled across his face, biting at his eyes and mouth. Suddenly, he inhaled sharply and covered his face with both hands. His legs curling in tightly to himself, pressing against his chest.

“I’m so fucked up.”

Katsu’s eyes widened, hearing the way Makoto’s voice shook – creaking. He noticed Makoto’s shoulders beginning to shake, tremble. Was he crying? Katsu’s own chest tightened at the realization and delicately crawled forward, moving on his knees and hands back to Makoto.

He hugged him.

Katsu circled his arms around Makoto’s form, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Makoto cried. 

He cried harshly, messily and sloppily. He cried for hours, for the whole night. Katsu allowed Makoto to, he sat still, holding him throughout the whole night.

The next morning, they worked together to clean up the flat.

The unopen beers were drained out in the sink.

**I am not a stranger to the dark  
  
**

The little Hawaiian girl bobbled and her platform dinged. At the sound, excitement bubbled through him. Katsu grinned, reaching for the pressure cooker and eagerly taking the lid off. The smell of rosemary chicken curry filled the air, and his eyes widened in awe.

“I did it,” he chimed to himself proudly, “My first attempt…I did it.”

The auburn haired boy spun, his fluffy sockets helping him to turn on his tiptoes. He danced towards the bathroom, and knocked gentle.

“Edamura, dinners ready! I was actually able to make the curry! Well! It probably won’t taste good, but I really did try my best – ah, maybe we should just scrape it completely and get something from down-“

The bathroom door opened carefully. Makoto inched out of the bathroom, his face becoming pinkish. Katsu had to take two steps back in surprise, his eyes widening until they hurt.

Makoto rubbed his clean shaved face, his fingers touching his chin and looking away sheepishly, “Um…I’m sure it will be…be good.”

Katsu gapped, like a fish out of water.

“Oh.”

“It smells good,” Makoto commented blankly, glancing over to the kitchen, “Um…I’m sure anything you make will be-be good, er…do I look bad?”

A powerful shudder ran through him, Katsu straightened him with his arms locked at his sides. His face heated up quickly, blushing brilliantly and shook his head in a daze.

“N-No, you look-look good! It suits you, makes you look, um, handsome and…”

“Thank you.”

Katsu wanted to smack himself, but he fought against the urge. Instead he stiffly turned around, robotically walking to the pressure cooker.

“Oh-er-um, Kane…” Makoto began, trailing after him, “Um…can you cut my hair? It’s a bit too long…you know?”

Katsu glanced back at Makoto, he didn’t want to agree but found himself nodding shyly. Makoto’s brown hair was long, reaching his shoulders and spazzing out in rat tails. It was completely different to how it was when Makoto was younger.

“How-I mean, what style do you want?”

Makoto blinked, seeming to not have thought about that. His shoulders raised a little, with a hand cupping his chin.

Finally after a good tense ten minutes, Makoto looked up at Katsu, “What do you think?”

“Me?” Katsu gasped.

Makoto nodded, “I have only had two hair cuts in my life. I had an undercut once…and the one I had since I was a child.”

An undercut? Katsu tried to picture the haircuts but failed. Makoto probably would have looked quite cute with an undercut.

“I have an idea," he finally said.

An hour later, Katsu placed the scissors down. He swallowed thickly, clocking his body to the side while observing the hazelnut coloured hair surrounding Makoto’s pointed face. Now that Katsu had cut Makoto’s hair, he able to see the bruises underneath his eyes. Katsu tried to ignore the churning concern in the pit of his stomach.

“You look very handsome,” he said without thinking.

Makoto’s eyes flickered, widening briefly, “Oh. Thank you.”

“It’s not perfect, and um-you might want to go see a professional…but-“

“I think it’s good,” Makoto interrupted, a smile actually appearing on his face.

The smile silenced anything that Katsu wanted to say. Instead, he found himself unable to turn away. The smile really made him look like himself again. Katsu found himself smiling in return.

“Can we eat now?”

Katsu laughed, “Sure.”

**Hide away, they say**

Three months had passed. Katsu was a little shocked at how quickly time had went. He supposed it was due to how often he had to go, and from the hospital. Many of his old colleagues fake smiling, and waving at him. It was horrific, having to sit in front of his old boss and listen to the doctor drown on about his – condition. Three months had went so fast!

“Edamura, I’m back.”

Katsu pushed the door open and gasped. His eyes widened in mild amusement, stepping into the small flat. His eyes swivelled around the single room, taking in how unnaturally clean it was. Not one thing was out of place.

“You cleaned up?”

Makoto sheepishly smiled, “I just…wanted to do something. You’ve been so…kind to me and everything. I know it’s not big, but…”

“Thank you,” Katsu interrupted, beaming at him.

Makoto blinked blankly before a rare smile appeared on his face, “How did your er-appointment go?”

“Same old, same old,” the other shrugged, coming to sit at the coffee table.

It looked like the brunette was going to say something but the hula girl behind them chimed. A timer went off, and Makoto jumped, spinning around to grab the kettle.

“I tried to make, um-homemade coffee…” he said, sniffing it, “It smells burnt.”

Katsu sheepishly laughed, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

Makoto frowned, “It probably is.”

“Come on Edamura.”

Giggling, Katsu took the kettle carefully, pouring into two completely different pattern mugs. Makoto stared as Katsu took a sip. It took Katsu a good few seconds before he registered the taste, and his face scrunched up.

“Oh-ah-it’s very…strong?” he suggested weakly.

Makoto groaned, “I knew it was bad. I’ll do better next time.”

Katsu chuckled, “You don’t have to.”

“But I want to,” Makoto said quickly, “You’ve done so much for me. Giving me a place to stay, cooking for me and…listening to me…I want to do things in return…”

Twisting his knees together, Katsu smiled gently, “Edamura. It’s fine, really.”

“I want to do more things. If there’s nothing you need me to do, and you have to go to the hospital so often…I’m here alone…and when I’m alone with nothing to do…my mind…I-”

Katsu’s eyes widened in realization, “It’s okay. Maybe we can find a job for you to do? To-to distract yourself. Oh, you can try volunteering?”

“Volunteering?” Makoto mumbled softly, “I’d love to do that, but nobody would take me.”

Deflating, Katsu frowned, “I don’t understand.”

Makoto looked down helplessly, “You probably saw on the news, but I’ve been sent to prison twice now. The first time, honestly wasn’t my fault, I was…the escape goat for the company but the second time, was my own doing…”

“Before my second time, nobody would give me the time of day. I doubt they will now, after I have been the prison twice, for the same crime…”

Katsu swallowed, “Ah, but it was so long ago. I’m sure you’re not the same person as you were then? Just as you said before, people change and it really has been five years.”

“You’re right, I’m not the same…”

Makoto sounded so sad, so lost then. Katsu trembled, his hands twitched with the urge to reach out to the other man. To hug him, but stopped himself before he could. Makoto had a problem with being touched. The only time Katsu was able to touch Makoto, was that one night, three months ago when he broke down crying…

“…They wanted me to come out unscathed…but how could I?”

“Edamura?” Katsu spoke, breaking Makoto out of his thoughts.

The brunette immediately shook his head furiously, rubbing his face with the sleeve of his oversized sweater. He breathed sharply, and forced a wobbly smile.

“I’m okay,” he said sharply, quickly, “Sorry about that…I’m trying not to, um…”

Katsu hummed, “It’s alright.”

It’s alright. It’s okay. He found himself having to say it so many times. At least thirty times a day, otherwise Makoto would slip into a self-loathing cloud.

Katsu couldn’t bare seeing him like that again.

**'Cause we don't want your broken parts**  
**I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars**

He tried to run. Katsu really did, but it was difficult with the leg of his. He forced himself onward, ignoring the prickling ache in his kneecap.

“Edamura! Edamura!”

Katsu pushed the door of the flat open, and practically tumbled through the door. He was expecting for his face to hit the ground, but he didn’t. Katsu fly through the door and right into a pair of arms.

Oh.

“Hello?” Makoto blinked down at him in confusion.

Katsu stared back at him. His green eyes becoming wide, unmoving as he found himself noticing the little flakes of amber in Makoto’s brown eyes. Ah, they wasn’t so dull after all?

“Kane?”

“Ah!” Katsu yelped, shooting back with a red face, “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done-um, I’m sorry!”

Makoto jumped, his hands raised in a surround-like state. His own eyes growing wide as Katsu continuously bowed, up and down, up and down.

“I-It’s alright!” he said loudly, “It was an accident, right?”

Still blushing, Katsu nodded, “Y-Yes! It was an-an accident! A-And I-I…”

“Huh?”

“Oh!” Katsu yelped, “Right! I almost forgot! Right! I was on my way back from my appointment and I noticed a sign in Mrs Hinata’s shop window. She’s looking for some help, this could be what you need!”

Makoto relaxed carefully, a wide helpless smile appearing across his face, “That’s nice of you to take notice of it, but…I doubt they would want a criminal like me.”

“You don’t know that!” Katsu gasped, “You won’t know unless you try, Edamura!”

“Kane…”

“Please!”

A pregnant pause filled the space between the two. They stared back and forth. Makoto awkwardly looked away, and then back to the shorter male. After what felt like years but was honestly just a few minutes, Makoto nodded.

“Really?” Katsu asked, eyes widening.

Makoto nodded again, “I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee anything. They might just…kick me out. It’s happened before.”

“You been kicked out just for applying for a job?” Katsu frowned deeply.

Makoto shrugged helplessly.

People were cruel. Unfairly so.

The next day, Katsu sat at the coffee table anxiously. He kept fidgeting, he had an mystery novel in front of him but he couldn’t focus on the words. Katsu’s fingers instead played with the loose threads of his bumblebee themed sweater. His matching, fluffy socks was pulled over the end of his jeans and twisted together underneath the futon blanket.

“Ohhh,” he whined, looking up at the old cat clock on the wall, “It’s been two hours…”

He kept perking up with every sound he heard from the door. People continuing to climb the steps outside, nobody stopped at his door…how much longer must he wait?

Katsu sighed deeply, slouching over the table like a caterpillar. His chin laying on top of his book, while chewing at his bottom lip.

“I’m so worried…”

Eyes sliding close, Katsu sighed again. Making a range of pops with his tongue. He didn’t know when, but he definitely fell asleep as when he opened his eyes, the cat’s tail had went from 1:00pm to 5:00pm. A soft yawn bubbled free from his throat, and he straightened himself, rubbing his eyes like a cat.

The door swung open unfortunately at the wrong moment. Katsu was yawning even louder then before, his mouth stretching wide with his arms up and his bumblebee sweater raising to show his stomach. However, as the door swung open and hit the wall, Katsu froze.

“Kane!”

Makoto cried, stumbling into the flat. He came to pause in the doorway, blinking once then twice, before he straightened himself fully. Makoto awkwardly fixed himself, his face darkening from embarrassment.

Katsu’s arms shoot back down, pulling at his sweater, “Y-You’re back? You’ve been gone for seven hours. I-I was beginning to worry…”

“Right,” Makoto began, before gasping. He immediately became excited once again, bouncing out of his shoes, “I went to the store underneath us, and I spoke to Mrs Hinata. Are conversation went on for hours! She didn’t care about my criminal past, and only wanted to know if I was good at stacking products!”

Katsu gasped, “Y-You got the job?”

“Yes!” Makoto grinned, dropping to his knees, “She wanted me to do a test shift today, that’s why I was gone so long! But Mrs Hinata said I was brilliant, a natural, and wanted me to come back tomorrow! She said I can have the job if I want it!”

Clapping his hands, Katsu smiled, “That’s great, Edamura! I’m so proud of you! I told you, you could do it!”

“No,” Makoto said quietly, “I…”

The brunette inhaled sharply, as if he was preparing himself for something big.

“You can call me just Makoto, if you’d like…I mean, you don’t have too…”

**Run away, they say**  
**No one'll love you as you are**

A full year had passed. No, it was longer then a year, maybe a year and a half? Katsu smiled at the calendar, crossing off another day. It was now March. As he pulled back, his eyes caught the glossy photo in the frame. It was probably one of the most newest things in the flat, and seeing it, made Katsu blush.

It was from Christmas. One of favourite items now.

It was just a basic photograph, but it brought nice memories. A simple photograph of him and Makoto, they had just put up a small tree and Katsu had excitedly asked to take a photo. Makoto had awkwardly applied, but soon melted into it after a lot of laughter. The photo was taken by mobile, and slightly wonky, but Katsu just…loved it. The cheap Christmas decorations, dim lights, and old Santa hats, made it for him.

“I’m back.”

Katsu hummed happily, turning around to see Makoto close the door, “Welcome back. How was the store?”

“Some people are just rude, you know,” Makoto shrugged, sniffing the air as he walked into the flat, “What are you cooking? It smells delicious.”

Katsu turned to the kitchen counter, “Nothing special today, we have to save the money we have. I made a sukiyaki.”

“Nothing special,” Makoto snorted in amusement, lifting the lid to see the beef, green onions, tomatoes, mushrooms and tofu shimmering, “I think everything you make is pretty special.”

“O-Oh, thank you. I’m glad you like it,” Katsu shyly said, looking away bashfully.

Makoto reached into the bag he brought in with him, and took out a small container. Opening it up delicately, he held out a small stick that had three round balls on it.

“Mrs Hinata said I could take the last of the unsold Dango Dumplings. They expire today,” Makoto explained, bring the Dango Dumpling closer to Katsu, “I thought you might like them.”

Katsu blinked, peering between the round sweet and then back up to Makoto’s face. His cheeks darkened, “Oh, t-thank you…”

“You don’t want them?”

“N-No! I do! I um…”

Katsu nervously flushed brighter, and this time, he leant in. His mouth opened and he meekly took the first dumpling from the stick. The sense of pure embarrassment and mortification burned him. Katsu couldn’t look at Makoto, and decided to return his attention to the pot. Unaware of the somewhat smug grin appearing on Makoto’s face who then ate the last two dumplings in one gulp.

“Do you need help with anything?” Makoto asked behind him.

The ginger waved him off, “It’s alright. I got it.”

Katsu cursed himself. How weak and pathetic could he get? Getting flustered over a silly sweet! He shouldn’t be getting worked over it! How stupid it all way!

He had _those_ , since university…how could _they_ have came back so quickly?

He sighed helplessly.

“Are you sure I can’t do anything?” Makoto questioned, his voice dangerous close to Katsu’s ear. Hot breathe danced across his ear.

The ginger stiffened immediately, a powerful tremble running up his body. All his hair stood up on end, with his eyes spazzing out large. It took Katsu by shock that his hands slipped, and he yelped loudly, stumbling backward.

“Katsu?” Makoto gapped, “I’m sorry! I made you cut yourself!”

Makoto grabbed Katsu’s injured hand, wrapping both of his hands around it. He brought the finger up to his eyesight, seeing the beads of crimson forming with a vengeance.

“O-Oh, er, it’s alright. It just took me by surprise and-“

Words cracking, and vanishing in Katsu’s throat. His face lit up with pure, crackling fire. His heart practically stopped beating, crawling into his throat.

Makoto sucked on the tip of Katsu’s finger.

“Y-You don’t have-have to do that…” Katsu stuttered, stumbling over his words anxiously.

The brunette looked up at Katsu through his hair, looking very-very…something…

“I’m really sorry.”

Katsu meekly smiled, “It’s okay. This-this won’t be the last time I’ll probably cut myself while cooking…I…I only just began to cook last year.”

“Really?” Makoto asked in disbelief, “You’re an amazing cook!”

“You say that now, but if you saw my first couple of dishes…” Katsu trailed off, glancing to the side, “Let’s just say…it was pure black. So very black, and so very…gross.”

Suddenly Makoto laughed. A real laugh, and not the quiet, snorting laugh. A full-cracking laugh. It was beautiful, and took Katsu by surprise. He found himself smiling, beaming at Makoto as he laughed, as he tried to cover the laugh with his hand and failed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” he gasped, “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad!”

Katsu grinned, “Oh! It was! It was like eating coal! It was chalky, and had become hard! I couldn’t even break through it with a fork! You know, I had to throw away all my best pots and pans!”

“Stop!” Makoto laughed, he leant forward to place his hands onto Katsu’s shoulders. He panted, gasping for breath, “I’ll buy you some new ones.”

“You want me to recreate it?”

“No!”

**But I won't let them break me down to dust  
I know that there's a place for us**

Oh dear god!

Katsu whined, crossing his arms and hiding his face into his arms. The realization kept on smacking him over and over again, hitting him repeatedly over the head. A sickeningly sensation begun to twinkle through his body, beginning at the base of his back and straight through to his stomach, climbing up to his throat.

“Why?” he whimpered quietly, “How could this happen to me? Why was this happening to me?”

He should be over this! It should have never became this strong! They should be dead! It’s been eight years since university!

It was just a crush! A crush from years ago!

“I can’t be in love!”

“I’m back!”

Katsu squealed in horror. Had Makoto heard him? He snapped around in time to see Makoto entering the flat, like he had so many times before, humming happily with a bright smile on his face. Seeing no sign of Makoto having heard him, Katsu sighed in relief.

“W-Welcome back,” he cheerfully said, turning onto his knees and crawling forward a little, “How was your day?”

Makoto sat down next to him, “Great. Mrs Hinata is going away on vacation and asked if I’d like to run the store for the week!”

“That’s amazing!” Katsu smiled, “You must be so proud of yourself! That’s impressive!”

Turning light pink, Makoto looked down and fidgeted, “Yeah…it’s all thanks to you,” he murmured tenderly, looking very sheepish and nervous, “If you didn’t push me to go see Mrs Hinata, I probably would have never had the chance to prove myself.”

“I was so set on never being trusted again…but…Mrs Hinata generally trust me. She wants me to look after the store for her, for a whole week!”

“It was all you, Makoto. You worked hard, and it paid off.”

Makoto smiled tenderly. It took Katsu to long to realize Makoto had laid a hand delicately on top of his. Makoto held his hand, squeezing gentle.

Katsu looked down at their hands, and when he raised his eyes again, he found Makoto staring at him. His stare was intense, and made Katsu’s heart pound heavily in his chest. He inhaled sharply, his stomach flipping and coiling from heat.

Ever so slowly, the two began to lean in. Their faces nearing one another, and eyes sliding shut. Long eyelashes sending shadows across their cheeks, lips beginning to perch outward – almost touching – barely brushing together before…

Makoto shot back. His brown eyes blowing out wide, his jaw locking into a deep frown. Eyebrows creasing, as if he was suddenly in a painful confusion.

“Mak-“

The brunette flashed to his feet, standing up straight. He stared down at the surprised face of Katsu, mouth falling open as if he was about to speak but nothing came out. Only a goggle escapes his throat.

“Makoto?” Katsu yelped, “W-Where are you going?”

Makoto doesn’t reply. He didn’t wait around, and slammed the flat door, disappearing out the flat. He was in such a rush that Makoto left his shoes behind.

Katsu sat still, staring at the door.

It took a moment, maybe more then just a moment, but a waterfall dripped down his face.

Was he that revolting?

**When the sharpest words wanna cut me down**  
**I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out**

He had cried for to long.

Katsu felt stupid, silly, he rubbed his sore eyes. Why was he getting so upset? It wasn’t like he hadn’t been rejected before. Hadn’t been pushed away in disgust before. Makoto was hardly the only person who to do, and most likely wouldn’t be the last person to do it.

Still, it hurt.

It hurt a lot. Katsu stifled, crawling towards his futon. Should he set up one for Makoto? Would Makoto come back? At the thought, Katsu’s eyes scanned the one-room flat. He hadn’t realized how much things had been added. How many things Makoto had brought back to the flat.

A lot of capsule figurines. A whole bunch of mini green men had taken over his book shelve – not that it mattered, Katsu only had two novels. Would Makoto be back for them? Or was that it?

Whimpering, Katsu clenched his eyes shut, trying to will himself not to start crying again. Instead, he dived into the pink futon, making himself a cocoon in the thick blankets. Sniffling and hiccupping into his pillow.

Hours must have passed. Katsu struggled to sleep, struggled to put his brain to rest but just as he was slowly dozing off…the door swung open, slamming into the wall of flat so loudly that a loud thud echoed throughout the flat.

“Honeyyyyyyyyy! I’m backkkkkkkkkk!”

Katsu steady raised himself, sitting onto his knees with the futon hanging off his shoulders. He squinted his eyes at the door, seeing the familiar thin figure of a man stumble into the flat.

“Opps!” Makoto laughed, knocking something over as he struggled to close the door. As he laughed, he hiccupped at the same time.

Katsu’s eyes widened, realizing it really was Makoto and not his hopeful imagination. However, he quickly became concern upon seeing the bottle in Makoto’s hand.

“Makoto? You’ve been drinking?”

Makoto hummed joyfully, swirling around on the ball of his feet, “What? Nooooooo! Oh!” he blinking as if he noticed the beer bottle for the first time. He shrugged with a grin, and downed the bottle in one large gulp.

The bottle was dropped to the ground.

“Maybeeeeee a little?”

Katsu crawled forward, and soon climbed to his feet. He nervously shovelled towards the oddly preppy man, stretching his arms out to catch Makoto when he tried to walk but stumbled over his feet instead.

“Ahhh! You just loveeeeeee touching meh’ don’t yah?”

“I, what?”

Makoto hummed, leaning his body against Katsu. Suddenly having to support extra weight, the shorter ginger yelped, stumbling back and falling back onto his futon. Makoto landed on top of him with a snicker.

“You just wanna’ be under meeeee~”

Katsu let out a breathless gasp, “I-I, Makoto! You’re drunk!”

“Noooo!” Makoto slurred, stretching himself onto his hands and legs. He giggled like a little kid, “Don’t yah’ lie! You want me like this! Helpless, and naïve, and innocent! So yah’ can manipulate me!”

“Use me, break me, throw me away~ Do what yah’ want with me, and make me grovel at yah’ feet! Like everyone else! I’m all-so-so-so good to be fucked over! To be used for revenge!”

“Used to-to avenge some women I don’t know~ Who ain’t even dead! No-no-matters! As long as I be good little boiiiiiiii and do what Ima told!” 

Eyes unmoving, Katsu stared up at Makoto. Gazed into the drunk face of Makoto, into the face of a broken man. The words Makoto was blurring out, way to joyfully, helped piece the puzzles together in his head. He breathed out gently, and reached a hand up to cup Makoto’s cheek.

Immediately Makoto stopped. His eyes slid open, blinking once to look down at Katsu. In that moment, as if Makoto could seriously see Katsu for the first time, his brown honey eyes widened and then squinted. Pearls of water swelled up at the corner of them, dripping of his long eyelashes and kissing at Katsu’s skin. Patting along Katsu’s cheek and chin.

“Shhh, it’s alright. It’s okay.”

“Nobody wants me. Everyone pushed me away once they don’t need me. They lied to me, made me believe they died and the only person who cared was the worse women in the world…nobody wants me.”

“I want you.”

Makoto sobbed, “You shouldn’t. I’m damaged, I’ll only pull you down.”

“I don’t care,” Katsu said bravely, cupping Makoto’s cheeks. He smiled sweetly, tenderly, “I want you.”

“You love me?”

“I do.”

The kiss was like nothing else.

It was amazing, but sad.

So very sad.

**I am brave, I am bruised  
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me**

“I’m a bad person.”

Katsu gawked up at Makoto. His lips pressed together, with his fingers digging into his knees.

“I’m a terrible person, Katsu.”

“You’re not,” Katsu said, “You’re not a terrible person, Makoto.”

Makoto sighed, his eyes closing briefly, “I am. You’ll see.”

Katsu bites down on his bottom lip, not understanding but the expression on Makoto’s face told him it was a serious matter. Makoto had gone through some traumatic experience that had made him like how he is. Katsu had no right to say otherwise, but he knew, deep inside, Makoto wasn’t a bad person. He was just lost, and confused.

“You said you loved me,” Makoto began sharply, speaking sternly. His eyes narrowed, as he straightened himself to his full height, “You won’t after you finish.”

Katsu jerked back as Makoto pushed a book into his face. He glanced between the brunette and the book, before carefully taking it, his fingers delicately wrapping around it. As he brought it down to himself, Katsu realized it was not an book but a notebook. It was a little messy, with pages sticking out – but it wound together by a thick strap.

“Read it,” Makoto said, “Read every page, every word, everything. Don’t cut anything.”

The ginger awkwardly nodded, his mouth opened but nothing came out.

Makoto sighed deeply, and fell to his knees. He grabbed onto Katsu by the shoulders, and pulled him close, hugging him tightly. Makoto pushed his face into Katsu’s neck, almost like he was breathing in Katsu’s scent.

“You said you loved me….that makes me happy,” he whispered, “Nobody had ever said they loved me. Thank you. No matter what you decide, I won’t forget it.”

“Mako-“

Makoto shook his head, “Don’t speak. Read. Read and-and make your decision…I’ll wait…I’ll wait to hear your answer…”

With nothing else said, Katsu watched helplessly as Makoto exited the flat. He tried to speak again, but Makoto didn’t stop. By the time Makoto had really left the flat, and Katsu realized he was alone, it was beginning to get dark outside.

“Read…and make my decision?”

The auburn haired man lifted the thick notebook up. He swallowed dryly, with trembling fingers he pulled the strap off and gasped as the notepad sprung open. Pages fanned across the table, each page was numbered and dated. Pages were filled with words, with later notes taped to certain pages.

It felt as if somebody had hastily written down what they could remember, and during their read through, realized there was things they missed out. Sticky notes, and little extra comments many pages. 

‘Page 0000.1: Los Angeles Connection. Case 0.1.’

‘July 8th 2015.’

**Look out 'cause here I come  
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum**

Katsu sunk back, his eyes unmoving, unblinking, unable to move at all. To many thoughts, questions and flatness circled around his mind. The notebook was neatly closed again, bound up perfectly, as if Katsu had not opened it to read in the first time.

The notebook sat there, innoncelty, mocking him. 

…That was not what he had been expecting…

Slowly, he raised a shaky hand to cover his mouth in shock. Was that…really…Makoto’s life? Did he really have to go through that? And for what? A women he didn’t know? A women who everyone thought was dead, but really was alive, all along? Nobody cared?

Makoto really had been screwed over. So many times that Katsu felt whiplash, himself. Nobody had been there to help him. Time and time again, he had been lied to, manipulated, used for somebody else’s gain.

No wonder he was so broken!

Everything Makoto said made sense now. Everything he said when he got drunk. Why he is depressed, and in despair.

Did anybody care about Makoto’s feelings? Care about the trauma all these plans cause him? Makoto thought he had friends, had found a family, and look how they treated him. What was worse was Makoto’s father!

‘He’s not my father. He has no right to even call me his son now.’

Katsu flinched, as if he had been striked across the face. Makoto’s side comment on the page echoing through his ears, he could hear Makoto’s own voice.

It was…disgusting that the only person to have truly cared about Makoto was-was…that person. That women who hurt all those child.

How could a father do that to their child? And then expect their child to be…all okay with it?

What were their names again? Right, Laurent and Ozaki. They had single handled destroyed, demolished Makoto. Ruined his mental state, had been the reason it had deteriorated so much.

They had allowed Akemi Suzaku to-to…she had probably done the most damage. Injecting herself into his mind, caressing him and giving him such affection and love. Katsu could tell, just by reading Makoto’s writing that even know, Makoto was confused. Stockholm syndrome, she had locked him up during his worst time and made him believe she was the only person who truly cared for him…maybe she generally was…

Everything was fake, to catch Akemi Suzaku, but Makoto generally believed he was scum.

Ozaki screwed him up, messed with his head. Ozaki had left Makoto, and even Makoto’s mother kept him in the dark. Then Laurent emotionally manipulated him, continuously used him for his own gain. The people Makoto came to care about, faked their deaths in front of him time and time again. All for some women.

A women that Makoto didn’t know. Wasn’t involved with.

‘I could hear it in Ozaki’s tone. When he finally came clean and told me the plan. Do it for Dorothy. Do it for her. I didn’t even know her. What gave them the right to ruin me for her?’

‘What gave her the right to rip me apart?’ 

Katsu sniffled, rubbing his eyes with both hands. A quiver running through him.

**‘We are not a team.**

**We are not friends.**

**We are not family.**

**We are lone wolves.**

**Trust no one, but yourself.**

**Mess up, and we will dump you.’**

“Makoto…” he mumbled quietly, gently pushing the notebook across the coffee table.

He couldn’t sit here and wait. Katsu looked up at the clock, seeing it was early hours of the morning. Where was Makoto? He had seriously given Katsu the whole day to read the book. Gulping, Katsu scrambled to his feet, he had to go find him.

…He wanted Makoto here.

Opening the front door of the flat, Katsu carefully stepped out in the cold – chilly morning air. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself in hopes of warming himself up. Where would Makoto go? To the store? No, that would be closed. It always closed at 8:00pm, and that was hours ago. Where would Makoto?

Drinking? To a bar? What bar?

Katsu rushed down the steps, his bumped leg aching as he forced it to move. As he climbed down the last of the steps, he came to a pause. A full stop, with his eyes widening and his lips parting.

The young man sitting on the bottom step, eased himself up. Stretching his legs out, and turning towards him. Warm amber eyes gazed at him. His pointed face was void of anything. No emotion, no nothing on the pale face.

It was eerily similar to last year. To all those months ago…

“Do you still love me?”

Katsu’s face heated up, not with a blush but with a wet ache. It started in the middle of his face, right over his nose and spread across his whole body. A red flush appeared across his nose, and cheeks, kissing up eyelids. Tears swelled at the corner of his eyes, fanning along his eyelashes and beginning to drip down his cheeks.

“M-Makoto!”

Makoto jumped, catching Katsu when the smaller man throw himself at him. Makoto wrapped his arms around Katsu’s shoulders – Katsu tightly wrapped his arms around Makoto’s middle, burying his face into his coat.

“Why are you crying?”

Katsu sobbed, “Because! It’s horrible. Nobody cared about you, about your feelings, and was just happy to use you.”

Makoto’s jaw dropped in shock, a hand slowly began to pet him on the head.

“I-you…” he began quietly, “You…I don’t understand. I’m a bad person, you shouldn’t be crying over me.”

Katsu frowned, “You are not a bad person! You were used! And-and I-I, it doesn’t change!”

“Nothing changed?”

“Nothing! I want you!”

Makoto’s arms tightened around Katsu. Pulling him closer, and burying his face into Katsu’s orangish hair.

“You still love me?”

“I love you. I love you.”

Katsu nodded his head repeatedly. He pushed himself onto his tiptoes, tilting his head upward to peck Makoto shyly. Brushing his pink, plush lips up against Makoto’s.

The taller man blinked in return. Makoto’s mouth parted, before forming a dumb-smile. His fingers stretched out wide, curling around the back of Katsu’s head and pulling him into a deep kiss. 

Their lips pushed together, moving together.

Kissing deeply, in one another’s arms.

”I won’t ever dump you.”

**I'm not scared to be seen  
I make no apologies, this is me**

The dim light of the lamp bathed the single room of the flat. It was a full moon, it shimmered in the clear night sky. The window was open a little, letting in a cold breeze.

Katsu gasped. It was hot, and sticky. Another mouth kept covering his, kissing him, licking his mouth, as his body fell back onto the futon. His hands trembled, but ran through the soft brown curls.

Makoto shovelled forward, pushing himself between Katsu’s leg. A warm hand held his thigh, rubbing it as he kissed him. Fingers tracing the threading of Katsu’s faded jeans.

“M-Makoto.”

Katsu pulled back. It was to hot. His face was officially bright red, like a tomato. His hands was clammy, and he could feel sweat building across his body. Katsu crawled backward, tyring to put space between them. His knees curled inward, pressing together.

“What’s wrong?” Makoto asked, panting, “Did I do something wrong? Am I going to fast?”

“No,” Katsu blurred sheepishly, “No. It’s not you, it’s me. There’s something you should know, before-before we…we…”

Makoto swallowed, “You want me, right? I mean…you want to do this? I’m not-not-“

“I want it!”

Katsu gapped, jerking backward in embarrassment. Of course he wanted. It’s something that had been on his mind for a very long time. Of course he wanted to do that with the person he loved. With the man he loved.

“I’ve never done this before,” he admitted, “Never. I never even-even kissed anybody before. This is all so new to me.”

“I’ve never done this before either.”

Katsu peeked up at Makoto, “R-Really?”

“Yeah,” Makoto shyly smiled, “I mean, who would want to? Right? I’m-I mean, after what I’ve been through…I haven’t had the best thoughts of myself.”

Shakingly, Katsu reached forward to cup Makoto’s face, “I love you.”

Makoto smiled. They kissed again, lips to lips.

“But it’s something else…” Katsu panted, turning his face.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me…”

“I’m not-what you’re expecting, it will be different…down there. I’m not…like you.”

Makoto paused, his eyebrows creasing in thought. Slowly, he looked down, and then back up. Trying to figure out what Katsu was saying – what he meant. He pressed his lips together, biting his bottom lip harshly worriedly.

“…down…there?”

Katsu whined, puffing his cheeks out awkwardly. His insides clenching painfully, making his eyes heat up and becoming glassy.

“I’m a man,” he began sternly, “I am a man but-but…I was born in the wrong body.”

Makoto stared, his stare becoming intensive. His eyes squinted, and softened.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Is that all you have to say?” Katsu asked anxiously, “You…you understand what I’m saying right?”

Makoto firmly nodded, “I do. You’re not going to have a penis, right?”

“…”

Katsu frowned, narrowing his eyes. A pang of frustration beginning wrapping around him, his fingers curled into tight balls at his sides.

“Well, essentially that’s correct-“

Makoto kissed him.

“I don’t care if you male or female, or whatever, you are the person I love.”

Katsu shot back, yelping in surprise and falling back across the futon. His eyes grow wide, staring back at Makoto in disbelief.

“W-What did you just say?”

Makoto frowned, “I don’t care-“

“No-no. N-Not that, the other thing!”

“…I love you.”

Katsu swallowed thickly, “You…never said that before.”

The brown haired man looked down, “I was scared. I thought you’d read the notebook and then…wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I thought…”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Another round of bullets hits my skin  
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in**

“Does your leg hurt?”

Katsu smiled, “No, it’s alright.”

“Let me know if I hurt you…”

A gasp escaped Katsu’s lips, an sensation like no other ran through his body. Sinking through the pit of his stomach, and licking along his insides. It made his eyes roll back in a shuddering-shocking gasp.

Makoto ran his mouth further downward, the hot breathe and soft lips rolling along his skin. It sent goosebumps through his body, from the tip of his head and straight down to his toes. Kissing, licking, it was all so new and all so different.

Katsu had to arch his head up to watch the other. Anxiousness swirling through his chest.

“Makoto, I’ve never been so…”

“You’re beautiful.”

Gently hands caressed his thighs, spreading them as his mouth kissed. His mouth moved so gently, so tenderly, to the point that tears run freely. Katsu’s back arched from the a sudden sensation, his eyes growing wide in disbelief and his hand flow up to grab onto something – but he stopped himself in time.

Makoto looked up, without moving away – that made Katsu even hotter for some reason.

“Go on, please. I want you too.”

A shiver ran up Katsu’s spine at the words, especially as the words were muffled and he even felt them! Makoto’s lips moved, forming the words, sending sharp spikes through him. This time, Katsu didn’t stop himself, he grabbed onto Makoto’s hair. His toes curled in tightly, teeth clenching together. 

The sound that escaped Katsu’s mouth was like nothing else. He had never made those sounds before, and the more he tried to stop himself, the more sounds he made. It was as if he lost control of his sound box.

God, was Katsu worried about his neighbours.

A hand reached up, and cupped his right breast. It shouldn’t have, but it took Katsu by surprise. He shuddered, head arching upward again, looking down and lock eyes with Makoto. Prickles of heat tingling up his spine.

“Makoto! Makoto! Y-You have to stop, I’m-I’m going to!”

His voice hitched abruptly, his body spasming. Katsu’s green eyes rolled back into his head, and his mouth became slack. A uproar of feelings slushed through him, twisting from the middle of gut and cracking open within seconds. One hand caressed his thigh, while the other continued to rub his breast. Neither stop as Katsu panted, struggled to catch his breathe. The mouth on him kept moving, kissing, licking, even sucking until Katsu laid completely still – numb. 

Makoto withdrawn delicately, he hummed pridefully. A smile on his sweet face.

“Was that good?”

Katsu opened his eyes, gazing up into Makoto’s eyes as Makoto draped himself over him. Heart pounding, Katsu meekly smiled.

“I-yes. I’ve never…never felt that before…”

Makoto smirked, “Can I do it every night?”

“E-Every night?” Katsu gasped, if his face wasn’t so hot already, it probably would have become even darker.

“Is that alright?” Makoto wondered worriedly.

Katsu shyly smiled, “Of course it is…it’s just…a little overwhelming, you know?”

“Because…you’ve never let anybody do this to you before?”

“I’ve never let anybody see me like this before.”

“Ah, you’re beautiful. Gorgeous.” 

Swallowing thickly, Katsu pressed a hand to his chest, trying to calm himself. He turned away, bashfully until Makoto propped him back and kissed him. Their mouths sliding together heatedly, tongues sliding together.

Katsu’s arms circled around Makoto’s shoulders, his fingers sliding into the man’s hair. He sighed, enjoying the feeling of being kissed. As their lips slid together, brushing gentle just as they parted, Katsu lowered his eyes to see just how hard Makoto was.

Gulping timidly, Katsu eased himself up. As he sat up, Makoto carefully crawled back.

“Is something wrong?” Makoto asked.

Katsu shook his head, “What you did…it was…nice and-and I’d like to um…” he paused, scratching at his cheek, “I’d like to, um, return the favour?”

Makoto’s mouth made an ‘o’ shape, his own cheeks darkening. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Is that okay?” Katsu asked.

“Yeah.”

Climbing to his hands and knees, Katsu moved between Makoto’s legs. He carefully eased himself into place, getting comfortable on his knees. Katsu inhaled softly, seeing the out stretched, hard and just…perfect mushroom shaped cock. It stood up right, leaking and begging for attention. It was so very red at the tip, with little veins twitching down the sides.

Katsu gently leaned in close, parting his lips and running his tongue down the side. Makoto immediately inhaled sharply, body stiffing slightly. Katsu glanced up at Makoto worriedly, but upon seeing the shy and pleasureful expression on Makoto’s face, he ran his hot mouth along the cock.

“Katsu.”

Hearing the gasps and moans coming from the other man, encouraged Katsu to continue. His eyes slid shut, focusing on bring pleasure to Makoto. He kissed, licked and sucked, doing his very best and using Makoto’s reactions as signs of what to focus on and what not to.

Katsu didn’t even realize the hand gently petting him on the head. His mouth moved higher, glided up to the tip of the cock and wrapped around the head. Slowly bobbing his head, until Makoto was letting out his own range of uncontrollable gasps, moans and cries.

Makoto’s body was beginning to shake, the cries he was making became louder and more messier. Katsu found a pressure on the back of his head, pushing him down. He wasn’t afraid, no, he was…excited? Katsu sucked, licked and kissed quicker, bobbing his head even more until something flushed through his mouth.

Deep panting, and gasping came from him. Makoto wheezed, shuddering, struggling to catch his breathe. Katsu whined, making the brunette yelp and rip his hand away. With the pressure on his head gone, the orange haired man pulled off the cock. He coughed, and spluttered, whipping the back of his hand across his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? I wanted to do it, and I liked it,” Katsu admitted shyly, blushing vibrantly.

Makoto went to speak but changed his mind last seconds, instead, he crawled forward and pulled Katsu into a kiss. Pressing their mouths together, and wrapping their tongues together. As they kissed, Makoto laid Katsu back down across the futon. His hands begun to caresses his body, rubbing the sensitive spots, making Katsu whimper and moan. 

Minutes later, Makoto was sliding inside. The feeling of being entered, of being filled, was so different. So new. It hurt, but it didn’t. Katsu would never be able to describe.

It was so right. It was so perfect.

Katsu moaned, arms tremble around Makoto’s shoulders. His legs shook, raising and falling with every thrust. He tried to fold them around Makoto’s hips, like he had seen many times in the movies, but due to his leg – he couldn’t hold it for long.

Makoto pulled back all of a sudden, their mouths separating with a bridge of saliva. He sat back, and stretched his arms out.

“C’mon here,” he spoke tenderly, eyes so soft and gentle.

It didn’t take Katsu long to push himself up, and into Makoto’s arms. It was so much better, they were so much closer. Katsu gasped, enjoying it much more. His arms wrapped around Makoto, holding him close, hold him to his bosom. Katsu’s legs crossed around Makoto, it was easier and nicer.

Makoto’s arms held Katsu up. Hands stretching out wide, pressing into the soft skin of Katsu’s body.

It was perfect.

Curled up together, their legs tangled, the two cuddled underneath the thick pink futon blanket. Katsu’s head laid on Makoto’s left arm, his other arm was wrapped tightly around Katsu’s thin form. Katsu’s own arms were cuddled up to Makoto’s chest.

Neither spoke, just basking in comfort of one another. 

Sweetly, Katsu lifted his head and brushed his lips against Makoto’s.

“Let’s get married.”

Katsu gapped, “Huh?”

Makoto’s eyes slid open, “Let’s get married.”

“M-Married?” Katsu repeated in astonishment.

“And runaway. Far away, where nobody can find us. Nobody can bother us.”

“Just you and me.”

“O-Okay.”

**We are bursting through the barricades and  
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)  
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)**

It took sometime before they could, but they did it.

They stayed in japan, deciding neither really wanted to leave their home country. Instead, they moved a much quieter, and smaller town then Tokyo. A tiny town in the far cost of Japan, and settling down.

Katsu nervously pulled the moving box in front of himself, unpacking the items. He took out the carefully bubble-wrapped green little figurines. As he began to unwrap them, he paused, eyes catching the wedding band on his fingers. A tiny smile spread across his lips.

They had gotten married, hadn’t they?

It was crazy. Insane. Within three years, he had met his old university crush, fallen in love, married and moved across the country.

Makoto entered the room, putting the new moving box down with a grin. He stood up straight, placing his hands onto his hips.

“That’s the last one,” he cheerfully said.

Katsu nodded, “I can’t believe we really did it.”

“Well, you better start believing it, babe.”

Plopping down next to him, Makoto kissed him on the cheek. Katsu chuckled, and turned his head, to fully kiss his…husband? Yes, his husband.

“How are you feeling?” Makoto asked worriedly, “You’ve been sick these past few days. Do you still feel unwell? There’s actually a doctor down the road.”

Katsu hummed, giggling as he lightly pats Makoto on the cheek, “You worry to much, Makoto. You’ll gain wrinkles.”

“As if I care if I gain wrinkles. This beauty of mine is forever,” Makoto snorted, rolling his eyes teasingly, “I don’t want you get sick again.”

“I’ll be fine. I feel little tired, but that’s all.”

Makoto rested his head against Katsu’s, “If you want to lay down, let me know. I’ll set up the futon.”

“I’m fine,” Katsu giggled, “I can help unpack everything. We’ve got to many boxes to ignore.”

The brunette peered over his shoulder, looking at the monster mountain of boxes stacked up behind them. He tapped his fingers, and wrapped an arm around Katsu’s body, rubbing him on the lower back.

“They can wait. They’re not going anywhere.”

Katsu smiled, and poked Makoto’s cheek, “Lazy.”

Makoto turned his head, and playfully bites Katsu’s finger. He chuckled as Katsu gasped, before they kissed again, rolling back onto the ground. Katsu laughed, wrapping his arms around Makoto’s neck.

“I love you,” he whispered sweetly.

Katsu smiled, caressing Makoto’s cheek, “I love you too.”

The sound of loud knocking broke the two apart. Katsu laughed at the distained expression on his husband’s face.

“Aw, it’s alright. We have all night.”

Makoto pouted, before making a thoughtful hum. A playful smile spreading across his lips. He buried his face into Katsu’s neck, kissing and licking the soft skin.

“All night, huh?”

“Oh, behave!” Katsu gasped, lightly smacking the brunette, “Come on. That’s probably one of our new neighbours.”

Makoto groaned, rolling onto his side. He prompted his head up onto his hand, “Great. We move to a new quiet, peaceful town with nosy neighbours.”

“We don’t know that yet,” Katsu smiled, standing up straight. He straightens his clothes, fixing his white collar and pulling at the lemon sweater, “They could be very nice people that just want to welcome us to the neighbourhood.”

“Come on, up-up.”

Despite groaning loudly, Makoto grinned. He climbed to his feet, following Katsu through the small house.

A young man and woman stood at the door, with bright smiles plastered across their faces. Wide eyed, and bushy tails.

“Hello.”

Katsu straightened himself, willing himself not to become too nervous in front of new people. He had to remind himself they knew nothing about him, and it was impossible for somebody to look at him and know everything.

“H-Hi, it’s nice to-to meet you,” he said, bowing in respect.

The woman laughed, waving a pink-painted hand in front of herself, “No need to be so nervous around us! We’re always happy to welcome new people!”

Her partner didn’t seem very interested. The guy was slouched back, with a round belly sticking out. He was bald, with a large potato nose. A pair of crimson glasses hanged on the tip of his nose. He wore a dirty tank-shirt with a pair of green shorts.

Katsu grimaced when the man suddenly picked his nose in front of them. Such a man…

The woman was way to beautiful to be with that man. She was to pretty to be out here, in the middle of country too…she looked like a city woman. A movie star. Pure gold curls handed around her cherry face, with bright blue eyes. Her face was heavy in makeup, and her clothes looked designer.

Oh.

Such a pair…

“Ah-um, well, thank you for welcoming us,” Katsu forced a smile, “We just moved in this morning, me and my husband-“

Katsu cut himself off at the sudden looks appearing across their new neighbours faces. He recognized those expressions, and he automatically straightened himself, hands twisting tightly at his side.

A hand gently laid onto his shoulder, and gave him a comforting squeeze. Katsu didn’t have to look to know who was calming him anxiety soul.

“Oh-Oh! You guys are – Oh!”

Katsu blinked awkwardly, “Um, yeah…”

“You guys are, what? Together?” the man grumbled, picking at a large spot on his chin, “Is that, like, legal or something?”

The woman let out a shrill laugh, “How strange! I guess if you chose to be like that, then you have nobody else to blame but yourself if it goes sour! Haha! I never expected our new neighbour to be those type of people!”

“Those type of people?” Makoto sternly asked all of a sudden, “What do you mean by that?”

Face paling, the woman jerked back and begun to backtrack. She stuttered a lot, spluttering a bunch of words with her face flushing a bright rose-colour.

“W-Well-you know! It’s not normal! Not natural, and-and-I have nothing against you guys-I think you’re very cute-“ she babbled.

The man squinted his eyes, gazing at Katsu to the point of making him uncomfortable. He stepped back, moving himself closer to Makoto.

“ _Well!_ ” Makoto began, his voice pitching loudly. Frustration and annoyance clearly in his voice, “Thank you _so_ much for stopping by! We would _really_ appreciate if you don’t in the future!”

“Oh! For the record, maybe you should try to educate yourself! It is absolutely normal and natural!”

Makoto slammed the door shut in the babbling women’s face. Huffing deeply, with a glare. He flipped them off when the women’s shrilly voice squealed through the door on how ‘rude’ they were.

“Assholes!”

Katsu glanced back at the door before following Makoto. He limped a little, his leg having not gotten better over the years. Delicately, he rubbed his weak thigh, shovelling into the main living area of the house.

“Makoto? Are you alright?”

Makoto grouchily scuffed, “I hate people like that.”

“I know. I don’t like ignorant people either,” the other said, coming to sit next to the brunette.

Sighing deeply, Makoto pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just…I really hate judgemental people. I’ve been judged so much through my life, used so much, I just can’t help it.”

“Makoto…” Katsu tenderly said, “I understand. I dislike it just as much.”

He was so gentle, so tender. It always coated him with toe-curling giddiness. Katsu blushed, leaning into Makoto’s touch. He sighed, laying his head against Makoto’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut.

Makoto wrapped his arms around Katsu’s thin body, cuddling their forms together. He pressed his face into Katsu’s neck, running his hot mouth along the sensitive flesh. Katsu whimpered as Makoto’s mouth suckled on his soft spot, his head lured back with a moan crawling free.

Hands caressed, rubbing soothingly across Katsu’s body. His sweater raised, buddling around his shoulders. Automatically Katsu’s eyes screwed shut, gasping as cool fingers spread across his bare breasts. The hands cupped them, rubbing them until Katsu was trembling.

Katsu’s mouth opened, a quiet whimper escaping his throat. His hips twitched, and he tried to draw his knees together as the right hand smoothly slid down his flat stomach. Soft, cool fingers dug closer to the waist band of his jeans. They probed under the buttons, disappearing inside and making Katsu cry loudly. His head flying back against Makoto’s shoulder, his mouth becoming slack.

Makoto gently rubbed, his fingers gliding back and forth. His eyes were spilled wide, watching Katsu with fascination. Katsu could feel it – it was sending waves and waves of embarrassment down his spine – especially as his legs spread unwillingly.

“You’re so soft,” Makoto purred teasingly, “I love the sounds you make. They’re so pretty.”

Despite gasping and whimpering, quivering in pleasure, Katsu pouted. He reached up, and lightly smacked Makoto on the face.

“S-Stop teasing me.”

“Aw, but I like teasing you~”

Mouths sealing together, tongues running together – gliding over one another. Saliva mixing together, and heat beginning to gather powerfully in his gut. Soon enough, the familiar but yet unfamiliar sensation began to pierce through him. Katsu sobbed, pleasure increasing quickly – sending good chills along his skin.

Katsu tangled a hand into Makoto’s hair, fingers clenching tightly around the soft curls. He tugged as his knees cranked together – powerful feathers repeatedly ran up and down his sides. His stomach clenched, coiling as if a fish hook was inside him.

Moaning, whimpers, gasping and finally screams.

Burning fire licked powerfully across his face. Tears beaded across his long black eyes.

Up and down. Up and down.

Every thrust had him crying. Sobbing. His cherry face was sploshed in pink and red. His cheeks ached, his jaw throbbed with every moan that escaped. Delicate hands held his hips, guiding him up and down.

“You look so good. So perfect right now.”

Katsu whined, “It’s too much.”

“We’re almost there, baby.” 

He whimpered at the nickname, his eyes rolling back into his head, with his jaw becoming slack. His body swayed, vibrating with every strong movement. The light grip on his hips quickly became tighter, fingers pressing into the gentle flesh until bruises were guaranteed to form in the morning.

Katsu’s eyes watered, looking down into Makoto’s face. Makoto was red faced, eyes watery-glassy like. He expected his own face was no different.

Lowering himself, Katsu cupped Makoto’s face and kissed him. Their lips sliding together, pressing perfectly together in harmony. Finally, Makoto slide his hands along Katsu’s back, holding him firmly and rolled them back over – Makoto being on top while supporting Katsu’s leg.

“Just a little more!”

A broken squeal, and an exploding bomb of emotion, heat, and tears. A vigorous thrust wrecked Katsu’s body, and Makoto let out a high pitch cry, arms trembling on either sides of Katsu’s head. The brunette soon feel into his waiting arms.

Katsu hugged Makoto, running his fingers through the unkept curls of brown. He giggled, playing with a hair.

“I think you may need another haircut.”

Makoto moaned quietly, “you’re just saying that cause you can’t keep your hands off it.”

it was true. Katsura loved playing with his hair. Makoto loved teasing him about it.

They kissed again, lips dancing together. Tongues playing a game of cat and mouse.

“I love you,” he sighed softly, caressing the other’s cheeks.

Eyes closing, Makoto leant into Katsu’s touch.

“I love you too.”

Ah yes, they have settled into their new home well.

**I won't let them break me down to dust  
I know that there's a place for us**

It smelled so good.

Katsu sighed pleasantly, a sweet smile dancing across his cherry lips. His eyes glowed, holding the soft fabric up between his fingers. Makoto’s style had changed. Katsu remembered when he first welcomed Makoto into his life.

Makoto was so thin. Unnaturally thin, just bones. His face had been long, and sunken. It was as if his eyes were permanently bruised. He always wore slacks, joggers, with way to big t-shirts. None was colourful. All boring. So different to the type of clothes Katsu remembered him wearing back at university.

In many ways, Katsu missed seeing Makoto dressed like that. His hair, so boyish, so cute. Silk, and perfectly cut around his face. Rolled up light blue jeans, a white dress shirt with a navy-blue vest. Makoto had always worn his vest unbutton too, and the collar of his dress shirt was never straight.

Ah. Katsu sometimes missed seeing him like that. Like an eager puppy dog, with a very bushy tail.

It was scary to think the Makoto had had stumbled across in Tokyo all those years ago was the same boy. The same kid. So dark, broken and lonely.

While Makoto hadn’t gone straight back to how he was back in university, it was more like a combine of them. He still wore dark clothes, and sometimes, he would wear hoodies. It was nice to see the rolled up jeans again, even if they weren’t pale blue but dark navy jeans.

A soft giggle escaped his lips, Katsu held the newly cleaned t-shirt up. It was one of the first shirts they had gone out and brought. That was more then three years ago. It was incredibly sweet that Makoto kept it, and it was still in nice condition. 

It smelled so good. Like lavender and mint. Katsu hummed, folding the shirt and carefully began to put the clothes away.

Their house was simple, much bigger then the small flat. The kitchen, bedroom and living room were all separate and had their own space. Their shared bedroom was at the back of the house, facing the rice fields. It was a lovely view.

Makoto chest of draws was located underneath a window. This meant that when Katsu put the laundry away, he was able to look out the window – when he did, he spotted Makoto.

The house was one of five located on top of a hill. The rice fields surrounded the rear of the cliff. Makoto was standing on the edge of their home’s garden, staring across the rice fields.

Katsu watched him, worriedly. For the past week, Makoto had been acting strange. Whipping the sweat from his brawl, Katsu exited the house and began to make his way over to Makoto. 

Makoto was gazing at the field intensively, his eyes creasing at the corner. A tender-sadness shimmered across his hazel-eyes. His hands hanged loosely at his sides, with his shoulders slouched. A cool summer breeze made his brown hair flutter.

“Makoto?”

Said man tilted his head, with a quiet hum.

“Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?” Katsu asked quietly, eyes ranking across his body worriedly.

“Oh, I’m alright,” Makoto said quietly, “I’m sorry, it’s just…today is the day…”

Katsu blinked, “Today?”

Makoto rubbed the back of his head, “It’s _the_ anniversary…”

“Anniversary…” Katsu repeated quietly, and then letting out a small gasp. He wanted to touch Makoto, hands almost moving to grab his hands – he stopped himself in time.

“I-I’m sorry. When you say anniversary, you mean…”

“Yes,” Makoto nodded, “Today would have been the day the last plan was performed. Wizard of Far East. Case 4.9.”

“Kyokutō no Mahōtsukai.”

Katsu swallowed thickly, his throat burning and eyes becoming watery. He lowered his head to look across the rice fields with Makoto. Neither really spoke, and all Katsu could feel was a great sadness.

The case that truly broke Makoto.

A hand gently took his.

Katsu jumped, looking down at their holding hands in surprise. Slowly, Makoto curled his fingers around Katsu’s small hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Thank you for putting up with me.”

Eyes widening, tears swelled up, “M-Makoto…I…”

The smile that over took Makoto’s face was stunning, dazzling. A smile he hadn’t seen before, it made Katsu’s chest tingle. They turned to one another, facing fully, and then embraced.

Arms circled around him, holding him delicately. Katsu sniffled, burying his face into Makoto’s chest.

Makoto nuzzled his face into Katsu’s orange curls.

“Promise you won’t ever leave me?”

“I promise.”

**When the sharpest words wanna cut me down  
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out**

It was late at night when it happened.

The sky was clear, and stars were sparkling brightly, winking down at everyone. A cool twirling breeze surfed across the hills. Katsu shivered, pulling his legs underneath the thick pink futon blanket. He rolled over, and curled into Makoto – how Makoto was like a living radiator was behind him.

Wiggling closer, Katsu snuggled in as close as he could. It was to cold. It was burning hot during the summer and freezing cold during the winter. It was probably due to snow any day now.

Suddenly an twisting sensation crawled through his inside. His stomach coiled, whimpering from inside him. Katsu laid still, his eyes sliding open weakly. He blinked, rubbing his eyes weakly. Something twisted inside, biting at his gut.

Katsu tried to ignore it, pressing himself closer to his lover. His eyes closed as he felt the strangeness fade away, and he thought he could doze back sleep…or that’s what he was hoping. The feeling returned minutes later, making him whimper.

Easing himself up, Katsu rubbed his face with both hands. His stomach coiled as if venom had entered him. Sniffling, Katsu rubbed his eyes and tilted his head, peeking down at the slumbering man next to him.

Makoto snoozed happily. His body curled up, hands reaching out in an grabby-movement. A whine escaped his lips, encouraging Katsu to lean towards him and gently run a hand through the brown curls. It seemed to calm the sleeping man.

Pressing a kiss to Makoto’s temple, Katsu grimaced. His insides vibrated with a sinking ache.

He crawled at first, and then climbed to his feet. He shivered, wrapping his bare arms around his middle. He wore one of Makoto’s over-sized t-shirts and nothing else. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea, but Katsu hadn’t been expecting to leave the warm blanket-fort.

Whimper, he held a hand to his stomach and made his way to the bathroom. The ache running down his legs and kissing at his toes. Sliding in the bathroom, Katsu crumbled in front of the toilet, dizziness cuddling his head.

A yelp escaped him as his body arched forward, bile running up his throat. Water perked at the corner of his eyes, as he throw up.

“Katsu?”

The sound of feet approaching from behind him. A body crouched down, and gently rubbing his back.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Makoto soothed.

Katsu hiccupped, always becoming emotional when he was being sick. He struggled to calm himself, but every time he thought he was finished, it returned. Twisting from the pit of his stomach and spreading up his throat, making his eyes water further.

Makoto kissed him on the shoulder, “Shhh, it’s alright baby.”

Katsu went to speak, but found himself throwing up again instead. He whimpered, but was comforted by how tender Makoto was tending to him.

Another kiss was delivered to the side of his head. Makoto rubbed his back, and just held him until finally Katsu was no longer throwing up. He immediately shovelled away from the toilet, a hand covering his mouth weakly. Makoto’s arms circled around Katsu, hugging him gently.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

Toilet flushing, Katsu allowed himself to be guided back to the bedroom. It was so strange. He didn’t feel sick. Didn’t think he was ill. Now that he had finished being sick, he felt normal again. Better. His stomach was normal, almost like he wasn’t sick to begin with.

Laying back underneath the futon blanket, bodies wrapped together. Katsu sighed, wiggling closer to Makoto. Makoto held him, running his fingers through Katsu’s auburn hair soothingly.

“Shh, it’s alright. Everyone gets sick at some point.”

**I am brave, I am bruised  
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me**

Katsu gasped.

His back arched, and he pushed backward. Lava-fingers dragged down his back, kissing along his lower back. Another cry bubbled free, and Katsu’s eyes widened, and he thrusted backward – meeting the strong thrust halfway.

Fingers clenched at the futon sheets, Katsu bites at the pillows. Hot tears spilled from his eyes, his knees begun to ache but he just didn’t care.

It was just too good.

The same word kept chanting around his head. Slamming into his skull over and over again. The need, the want, everything. It was overpouring his senses.

More.

He just needed more!

“Right here?”

Katsu could only cry in response.

The hands holding his hips yanked him back, thrusting even harder. It was perfect. It was just what he needed. For somebody who had never wanted to even try rough sex, who was actually scared of the thought, Katsu was bewildered at how much he just…craved it! He was beginning for Makoto to be a bit more aggressive!

Makoto was just so gentle, and tender all the time! It was just want he needed and wanted!

“Y-Yes!”

It was overwhelming, making Katsu’s eyes roll back into his head and babble nonsense. Droll began to dribble over his chin, making his body spaz. A smack was delivered to his backside, making his skin twitch and sting. Katsu moaned deeply at the action, arching his backside back onto the hard cock.

“Harder!”

Makoto’s fingers dug into the flesh, delivering another strong smack. He pulled all the way back until just the tip of his red cock was inside Katsu’s wet pussy, before thrusting back inside, skin smacking on skin.

Snap-Slap-Smack

Skin on skin, cracking and snapping. The bedroom was thick with hot, sticky, atmosphere. It was steamy, and the room hitched with sounds. Screams, whines and cries bounced from wall to wall, quivering through the air.

A hand grabbed his wrist, and Katsu’s body was arched backward. Makoto held his arms, thrusting forward with all the strength he had – which was quite a lot! Katsu could do nothing but sob. Tears ran down his face, or was that droll? It was mixing together!

“Shit,” Makoto groaned deeply, “You so fucking tight. Sucking me in. So fucking good.”

Katsu yelped, being pushed back onto the futon. His face shoved into the pillows, with Makoto draping himself over his back, holding him down by the shoulders. Katsu had to arch his hips, keeping the delicious contact between them. Makoto mouthed Katsu’s neck, running his tongue along the flesh and biting at Katsu’s shoulder.

He couldn’t see, everything was fuzzy and blurry due to the tears. A hand roughly grabbed his chin, cranking his head back and sealing their mouths together. A tongue pushed into his mouth, claiming it as his again.

“Makoto!”

He could barely form a word other Makoto’s name. Katsu sobbed, trembling and shaking. Pure lava increased within him, licking his insides and slamming into him full force!

Makoto hissed from the back of his throat, biting down onto Katsu’s throat. It definitely leave a bite-mark and bruise. He wrapped his arms sternly around Katsu’s middle, pulling him back and soon enough, convulsing.

The familiar, delicious sensation of being shot into made Katsu’s body unwrap. His toes curling in tightly.

They both collapsed on top of the futon. Out of breathe, and shaking slightly.

“Do you feel better?”

Katsu shifted, smiling meekly. He reached a hand back, and caressed his cheek.

“I am,” he mumbled shyly, “I don’t…understand why…”

Makoto hummed, rolling over and pulling Katsu along with him. Cuddling Katsu’s smaller body, “It’s alright. Haha. It’s normal, you know, getting horny out of nowhere.”

“Aw, don’t tease me,” Katsu huffed, face still a lovely vibrant red, “I _don’t_ just get horny out of _nowhere_.”

A soft laugh escaped the other, Makoto kissed his temple.

“I love you, you’re amazing.”

“I love you too.”

“Aw, are you getting shy?”

“S-Shut up!”

**Look out 'cause here I come  
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum**

Katsu stood on his tiptoes, carefully inching the items off the top shelve with his fingertips. He made a sound from the back of his throat, his tongue sticking out before grinning in victory.

Chewing on the grape, Katsu tied the blue fabric around the container. He carefully lifted it, and held it to his chest, rush to the front door.

“Thank you,” Makoto said, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

Katsu beamed, with rosy cheeks. He hand the bento to his husband, “Have a good day at work, don’t work to hard under the sun. Wouldn’t want you to get burned again.”

“It was only one time,” Makoto grinned, “But I’ll be careful.”

Chuckling, Katsu stretched onto his toes again and gave Makoto quick peck on the lips.

“I’m going to make rosemary chicken curry tonight.”

“Really? We haven’t had that in a long time. Hm. I’m looking forward to it then.”

Waving, Katsu waited until Makoto was no longer in sight. His hand fell to his side, and he sighed in content. Was this really his life? Was he really living it? And not dreaming? Sighing softly, Katsu ran a hand through his auburn hair and turned around, closing the front door.

The walk down the hill always was a nice one. It took half an hour, but Katsu didn’t mind. It was nice to see everyone. The people of the town was rather old, so they didn’t really stare at him as he walked. His limping normally gains to many stares and whispers. It was nice not to have it for a chance.

The only thing that worried him, honestly, was running into their nosy neighbour. After Makoto had snapped at them, and slammed the door in their face, the couple had become rather…insufferable. Always looking over at their house, finding ridiculous reasons to knock on the door and sort.

Makoto hardly answered the door for reasons, he doesn’t like talking to new people. Katsu had a good inkling as to why. Makoto had been tricked, and messed with so much during that time in his life. Having came out of prison after his second sentencing, and struggling to find work – landing on an mechanic job….turned out to be apart of a scam by the same people too…

Katsu understood Makoto’s weariness with new people. He knew Makoto didn’t trust their neighbours for the same reasons, and preferred to avoid contact.

The ginger shook his head, making his way to the store. He checked his wallet, before looking up at the small store. It was lovely, and the clerk was just as nice – not Mrs Hinata kindness, but nice enough. They never judged him or Makoto.

They had not given Makoto a job when he applied there – his criminal background must have scared them off. Makoto eventually was given a basic job out in the rice field. Katsu, himself, worked part-time at the tiny clinic in the town.

The double doors slid open as he stepped up to it, cold air immediately wrapped around him. First line of business was the meat. Of course he was shopping for today, but he was also cooking for the whole week. He normally shops once a week – Monday.

He had quite a list.

About thirty five minutes later, he had completed his list. Katsu shifted the basket, and stepped up to the part of the store he disliked the most. He didn’t like coming to his section, it would make him uncomfortable.

It was so pink. So very pink.

Katsu grimaced, meekly looking into the section. His eyes swivelled across the area, as if he was expecting million of people watching him – nobody was. Inhaling sharply, Katsu stepped into the women hygiene products, wincing as he scanned the shelves.

“Edamura!”

A breathless gasp escaped his lips, Katsu practically jumped out of his skin. He spun around, eyes growing wide with fright.

“O-Oh.”

The familiar golden haired woman chuckled, “I didn’t mean to scare you! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine…” Katsu mumbled sheepishly, trying to inch around the women.

“Funny meeting you here! What are you buying?” she asked in curiosity, leaning forward to look into his basket, “Ohhh! Chicken and rice? Are you making curry tonight then?”

Katsu pulled the yellow basket close to himself, “Um yes. I-er-he, my husband likes chicken curry…”

The woman nodded, “Aw, you’re so sweet! Shopping for him, I’m doing the same! My hubby is so picky! Nothing green!” she huffed, rolling her eyes and shaking her basket for him to see.

Suddenly, the woman paused. She raised an eyebrow, and looked around the aisle they were in.

“Why are you shopping here?”

“Oh-er-um-“ Katsu nervously tried to come up with an answer. How could he explain this? He wasn’t comfortable with airing his laundry!

It’s a very private, and personal thing for him. Has been since his family had…

“I thought you and your husband were-you know-gay.”

Katsu frowned, “Why are you whispering?”

That was a thing he didn’t mind people knowing. It had to be out in the open, as they had married after all. Other then a few looks every now and then, they hadn’t ran into any trouble until moving to the small town.

“No reason, honey!” the woman cheerfully chimed, her eyebrows knitting together, “Shouldn’t you be in the man hygiene product aisle?”

“…”

“Oh my gosh!” she squealed loudly, her blue eyes brightening up. She shot forward to grab onto Katsu’s hands, “You are normal after all!”

Eyes widening, Katsu’s jaw became slack. He tried to tug his hands free, but the woman had claws of steel! His lips pressed together into a stern frown, eyes narrowing as a sensation of disappointment and hurt curled through him.

“What do you mean by ‘normal’ ?”

The woman giggled, “You know what I mean! You’re actually a women! I knew something was off about you! Oh-my poor honey! How you must be so confused on fashion and style! Don’t worry, I can pick out some amazing frilly clothes for you!”

“I’m sure your husband will find you even more attractive! I bet he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off you!”

Katsu bites back a snarl at those words. This time, he was able to twist his hands free and take a few steps away from her. A heated hatred boiled through him, dripping down into the pit of his stomach.

He was normal. He was perfect. He was not confused, or lost.

And-and Makoto already found him attractive, right? He wouldn’t have wanted to marry him, otherwise.

“I don’t need your help,” he sternly said, “I’m fine how I am.”

The woman hummed, “But honey-“

“Don’t,” Katsu swallowed, “I’m a man, not a women.”

Sighing deeply, the woman crossed her arms under her bust, “Sweetie, you’re so confused. I can tell. This is normally the cause of bad parenting. I bet your parents never paid you attention, you must have been so lost! But don’t worry, I’m here to help you!”

“You’re a women, honey.”

Katsu tightened his hands around the basket handle. His eyes were beginning to cloud over with angry, hurtful tears. He inhaled sharply, lips twitching together into a weak pout.

“N-No, you’re w-wrong, I’m-“

She stepped closer, raising a hand to take his shoulder.

“Ah, don’t worry Edamura. I’ll be sure to help you and straighten all those feelings out!” 

“Mademoiselle, I suspect you are making him uncomfortable.”

The woman gasped, turning towards the new voice. Her blue eyes widen, looking as if they were about melt straight out of her eye sockets. Her heavily-applied makeup cheeks burned, and she brought hand up to cover her face. Katsu was unsure if she was embarrassed, horrified or just flattered.

“Isn’t that right, Monsieur?”

Katsu blinked back at him, “Oh-er-yes.”

The woman jerked, she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Was she too stumped on this man?

Green eyes running up and down, Katsu bites back a frown. The man was very handsome. Jaw-dropping gorgeous. But not his type. Katsu didn’t even quiver. He must be in too much love with his husband.

Makoto was definitely cuter.

“I can’t help but overhear, but Mademoiselle, perhaps you should take a step back?” the man suggested, too smoothly, too coolly, “You shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions, specially when those conclusions could…let’s say, upset somebody? Hmm?”

“Upset?!” the woman repeated, her mouth opening and shutting.

The man stepped towards her, his rather large hand taking hers. He pressed a light kiss to the back of her red-nailed hand, “I’m sure you did not mean to, Mademoiselle.”

“Y-Yes!” she squawked, “I-I did not realize! I’m sorry!”

Katsu awkwardly scratched at his head, “It’s…um-“

He didn’t have a chance to speak anymore before the blonde haired woman turned around and walked away. She practically ran away, her bushy yellow tail between her legs. Katsu stared after her with unmoving eyes, surprise and shock on his face.

…This has not happened before…

Tilting his head, Katsu’s large round emerald eyes turned to stare at the man. On thing stood out the most, just looking at him, the man definitely was not from around here.

A foreigner?

“Um.”

The man sent a charming smile at him, “I hope I am not intruding, Monsieur. I couldn’t help but over hear, and I just had to step in.”

Katsu nodded, not trusting his voice. Something felt off about him…

“I hope you don’t mind,” the man began, his voice silk and just so smooth – like butter. He stepped closer to Katsu, a hand in his pocket while his other stretched out. He had a golden watch on his wrist, Katsu found himself raising his eyebrows at it. “But Madame called you – Edamame?”

The watch stuck out, because the man was wearing such…under quality clothes? As if he was…purposely trying to fit in with the town? Oh. A rich man. Hoping to what? Hide away? Unnoticed.

A fake man.

“Edamura.”

The man’s blue eyes flickered, as if he was amused by something? Katsu wasn’t sure, but a small voice in his head was beginning to tell him to leave.

He really should listen to that voice. 

“Ah-Edam-It’s such a difficult nom de famille.”

“…”

Letting out a quiet laugh, the man grinned down at him, “I mean the surname is difficult to pronounce. Is it your name, or?”

“ Oh, it’s my husbands…” Katsu shrugged. This strange blonde man was not the first, and most likely won’t be the last person to find their surname difficult to pronounce.

Makoto always became bitter about it.

“Oh-husband?” the man beamed, the grin stretching even wider. He stepped forward, eyes closing as he smiled, “You’re married?”

Katsu took another step back, eyes squinting. The man was asking to many questions. What’s going on? Nobody had ever been that interested. Nobody had ever continued to…it was almost as if the man was fishing, trying to learn something?

It was worrying. It was time to leave. He had what he needed.

Just as Katsu was about to make his great escape, something just behind the man’s head caught his attention. He paused, feeling his insides belly-flop with anxiousness slithering around him similar to a snake.

Suddenly it was hotter, and he couldn’t breathe probably.

“Hm?” the man clocked his head in confusion. He turned his head around to look at what had caught Katsu’s attention, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Oh.”

Katsu shuddered, stiffening up. He edged away.

“Excuse me!”

“Ah!”

Nope. No way. There was no way, but-but everything lined up. Everything made sense! But how could it have happened? It shouldn’t have happened. Katsu couldn’t even…it wasn’t possible.

The Doctors said…

Circling his mind like a circus, the strange man from the store slipped his mind. Hours later, Katsu was pacing in the kitchen. His hands kept fidgeting with his sweater and playing with the loose strings.

The curry bubbled away on the stove.

Eyes raising to look at the clock, Katsu swallowed. Makoto wasn’t due home from the rice field for another hour. Stomach clenching, almost painfully, Katsu stepped back. His back straightening with horror, and worry.

“It’s not possible…” he mumbled, shaking his head, “I’m just-just over thinking. I’m stressed and-and…”

His voice trailed off, biting down on his bottom lip until it bleed. Nervously, Katsu peeked at the paper brown bag sitting innoncelty on the kitchen table – mocking him. Taunting him. Katsu took a tiny step towards it, and then back again.

No-No. It can’t be. What is he thinking?

Katsu grabbed the bag, twisting it between his hands and storming towards the bathroom. It took him to long, opening the box and taking out the little white stick. He grimaced as he held it up, he was being silly. Stupid.

Slouching back against the toilet, the stick laying on his lap. Katsu felt icky. His hands laid numbly at his sides, and eyes unmoving – clued wide and mouth open in shock.

“Katsu! I’m home!”

A shudder ran through him. Makoto was home? Makoto was home! How long had he been sitting on the bathroom floor? What about the curry! The sound of rushing feet, pots and pans being moved followed by a small curse.

“Katsu? Katsu? Where are you?”

Rushing, worried feet slapped against the floor and suddenly, a shadow was casted over him. Makoto panted, out of breathe and leaning against the doorframe. Clearly he had just ran through the house in fear and worry.

Katsu meekly looked up at him. Just seeing the concerned expression of his husband had his eyes watering.

“Katsu?” Makoto yelped, falling to his knees and grabbing onto Katsu’s shoulders, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying? Did something happen?”

Katsu hiccupped, tears beginning to run over his cheeks. He tried to rub them away, but they just kept coming. Makoto’s face softened, becoming tender and gently pulling him into a hug. His arms circled around Katsu, running his fingers trough Katsu’s hair.

Sniffling, he buried his face into Makoto’s shoulder.

The two just sat there, for to long, on the floor of the bathroom.

“Are you feeling better now?”

Katsu nodded, withdrawing from Makoto’s embrace. He hiccupped pitifully, keeping his eyes down and avoiding looking at him. A gentle hand touched his chin, easing Katsu’s sore eyes up and laying a gentle kiss onto his mouth.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

Inhaling sharply, Katsu chewed the inside of his mouth, “It…it shouldn’t have happened and…the doctors said it couldn’t, but it did. It did. I don’t know how, but it did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey-hey, shh,” Makoto said hurriedly, sitting back in front of Katsu. Still holding Katsu gently, “Shhh, it’s alright. I don’t understand, what shouldn’t have happened but it?”

“What do you mean? Doctors said it couldn’t have?”

Katsu hiccupped, “I’m man, Makoto. I’m a man. You love me as a man, right?”

“What? Of course I do!” Makoto frowned in confusion, “Did somebody say something? Who? I’ll go-“

“No! Well yes-but not!” Katsu gasped, “But-but I’m a man. I am a man…”

Makoto tilted his head, he ran a hand through his hair before reaching forward and kissing Katsu. Their lips pressing together for a good few minutes.

“You’re a man. A very handsome man.”

Katsu laughed, “A handsome man?”

“Yes.”

Leaning out of Makoto’s hold, Katsu twisted his arm. He brought the little white stick forward, finally allowing the other man to see it. The little pink line giggling up at them.

Makoto’s eyes widened, “This is…”

“It is,” Katsu nodded, sniffing deeply. With his free hand, he whipped his tears away, “I-I’m sorry. It shouldn’t…it shouldn’t be happening – it couldn’t have happened!”

Makoto cupped Katsu’s face, spreading his fingers out – cupping his round cheeks. He leant in close, their noses touching.

“Why are you apologising?”

Katsu cried, “You’re not mad at me?”

Eyebrows raised, “Mad! Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because! I-I-“

“I love you. I love you.”

Makoto pampered kisses all over Katsu’s face. Pressing their mouths together repeatedly, and soon enough, pulling Katsu onto his lap – back into his arms. He wrapped them tightly around his shaking form.

“I love you so much.”

Katsu used both hands to wipe his eyes, digging the palm of his hands into his eyes. His shoulders relaxed, and finally wrapped his arms around Makoto’s middle. Hugging him back in return.

“I love you too,” he mumbled.

Makoto kisses him on the head, “What do you want to do? Whatever you decide, we’ll do.”

“I don’t know.”

“Then we’ll wait.”

Katsu lifted his head from Makoto’s chest, looking up at him, “We’ll wait?”

“Until you’ve decided.”

Makoto kisses him again.

**I'm not scared to be seen  
I make no apologies, this is me**

The hot water was good. It hugged them around their shoulders.

He was a little numb, his body laying against Makoto. Sitting in his arms, with his head luring against Makoto’s shoulder. Both sinking into the hot water to soak their worries and stress away.

Makoto pressed a dry kiss to Katsu’s shoulder. His arms wrapped his thin body, with a hand laying on his stomach. He kept looking down, gazing at his stomach.

“What do you think it will be like?”

The brunette hummed, lifting his head in surprise.

Katsu swallowed, “If…we have it? What do you think it will be like…being…being…you know…”

Makoto pressed his lips together, “I…don’t know. It’s…scar …I…” he trailed off, looking away with sadness beginning to dance across him.

“It’s scary,” Katsu agreed, nuzzling himself closer Makoto, “Very scary. It would depend on us, and-and if we screw up…”

“If we screw up,” Makoto said, “I don’t know what to do. My – he left me, my mother lied to me…how would I know how to be…”

“My family disowned me.”

Makoto paused, eyes widening, “You never spoke about your family before.”

“Because it hurts to speak about,” Katsu sighed, “I love my family. I adore my mother and father, but they don’t want me.”

“They regret having me, because I’m a freak of nature. I told you, I’m a man. I was-was born in the wrong body, it’s…you know what my body is…” he winced, curling his legs up – trying to hide his private parts, “I hate it, but I bared it for them. They wanted me to be their-their, you know, perfect little d-d…”

“I couldn’t. I tried for many years, but it was breaking me. Destroying me. When I finally gathered the courage to-to tell them…they tried to send me away. To an all-girl boarding school, and therapy. They kept saying it was a faze, and I’ll grow out of it, I’m confused and lost. I don’t understand myself.”

“Katsu,” Makoto gently said, pulling him closer, “That’s not right. They shouldn’t have done that.”

Katsu hummed, smiling pitifully, “They kept telling me, nobody would want somebody as ill as me. They said what I was saying, trying to express, wasn’t normal. Wasn’t natural, and nobody would even want to touch me.”

“If I seriously wanted to-to live my life as a man…then I should not expect them to be apart of it. That I would be alone…I love my family. I adore them, and-and I didn’t want to lose them. So I tried to be what they wanted…it hurt so much, and I really wasn’t happy.”

“…So when I went to university, and was able to get away…I became a man. I am a man, I mean, but I started to live as a man.”

Makoto frowned, “What did your family say about it?”

“I tried not to go home, but eventually I had to. When they saw me, they disowned me. Kicked me out, spat about how disgusted they were in me. I tried really hard to earn their love back. I tried to become a doctor like my father, but it wasn’t enough…”

Katsu winced, looking down and pressing his hands together, “They sent a lawyer before we met again…they said if I don’t leave them alone, and stop contacting them, they will sue me for stress and harassment.”

“They really said that?” Makoto growled, clenching his teeth together and grinding them with anger, “That’s disgusting. How can they do that?”

The ginger pitifully shrugged, “I was just a vile stain on their perfect reputation, I guess. Either way, I got the message and I haven’t contacted them since. I tried to focus on my job at the hospital, but I realized I wasn’t happy with it and that I was only working there to please them.”

“It didn’t matter anyway, within the same week I was in an accident. A drunk driver ran me over on my way to the hospital, severely damaging my leg.”

Makoto’s hand pressed against Katsu’s scar covered leg. Fingers brushing the white and pink lines soothingly.

“I don’t know how to be a parent.”

Makoto nodded, “Me neither. But if you want to keep it, we can figure it out together.”

“Do you want to keep it?” Katsu asked quietly, laying both of his hands over the hand Makoto kept on his stomach, “Do you want to be a…father?”

The brown haired man swallowed thickly, looking down at Katsu’s flat stomach, “I do but I don’t. I don’t deserve to be a father. I don’t deserve a child. Not after what I’ve done.”

“Makoto.”

“Katsu, you read everything. You know everything, you know what _she_ made me do,” Makoto said brokenly, “I shouldn’t have a child, how can I take care of them when I couldn’t even see people using me?”

Katsu eyes saddened, “None of that was your fault. It was all-“

“Fake?” Makoto interrupted, “Just because it was all fabricated, doesn’t mean I didn’t participate. I thought I was _selling_ them, I was _giving_ them to sick people…hurting them. Yes, I know, I wasn’t. I was setting them free, and into the hands of protective people…”

“But I _didn’t know_ that.”

Katsu flinched, “M-Makoto.”

“They kept me in the dark, because they thought I would _ruin_ the plan. I’m too _naïve_ , and I wear my _heart_ on my sleeve! They let _her_ mess with my head, lock me away for months, until I did as _she_ said. They had it all on _camera_ , was watching everything _she_ did and did nothing!”

“They had me watch them die! They made sure I witnessed _who_ I thought was my _friends_ , be killed! So I would crack and given into that _women_! So everything would go according to plan!”

Makoto panted deeply, tears beginning to swell up at the corner of his eyes.

“They let her rip me apart. They allowed her to tear my heart and soul out, and crush it.”

Breaking into quiet sobs, Makoto’s shoulders hunched. He tried to wipe the tears away with his arm, but instead held his arm firmly against his face. Crying.

“Why didn’t they save me?”

Katsu shuddered, his own eyes watered. A soft sob escaped his lips, and he turned fully around to face Makoto. His legs laid on either side of Makoto’s hips, and moved closer, wrapping both arms around Makoto and hugging him. Holding him to his bosom.

“Why didn’t they care?”

“I don’t know,” Katsu sobbed, nuzzling his face into Makoto’s hair, “I don’t know why, I don’t know, but it’s okay. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Makoto wrapped his arms tightly around Katsu. Hands spreading across his bare skin, pulling Katsu as tightly as possible. Crying into Katsu’s chest.

“I want it.”

Katsu inhaled sharply, raising his head. He looked down at Makoto, gently petting the man on the head. He repeatedly placed loving kisses onto his head, with surprise running through him.

What did Makoto just say?

“I want this baby,” Makoto said, “I want it so much.”

“I want you. I want you to want it too. I want to raise it together. As a family. Our family.”

A chill ran down his spine. Katsu’s eyes widened, his heart beginning beat in something he had never felt before.

A baby.

That’s right, he had a baby inside him. He was now growing a baby. Not an it, but a baby.

“I want the baby too.”

The realization was shattering. It made Katsu fully breakdown, beginning to cry. Fully cry.

Makoto pulled back, his red-rimmed eyes glowing hopefully, “Really? You-You do?”

“I do,” Katsu nodded, hiccupping and sneezing.

A hitch of breathe, Makoto stretched forward. Gliding his arms up and over Katsu’s shoulders, pushing him forward and connect their mouths together.

Katsu kissed back with as much heat and strength too.

He really loved him.

**When the sharpest words wanna cut me down  
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out**

“I’ll get it.”

Katsu blinked, he deflated with amused but slightly annoyed hum. He stepped back, allowing the taller man to grab the jar from the top shelve.

“I could have gotten it myself,” he says softly, taking the jar.

Makoto sheepishly smile, “I know, but it’s easier this way.”

Easier?

Katsu raised an eyebrow with a shake of the head. Makoto had been like this since their emotional talk in the bath last week. He had tried to do all the things that involved lifting heavy things or stretching to reach things just out of reach. It was strange, and flattering, but also a little annoying.

As if Katsu wasn’t allowed to do anything anymore.

“I’m flat, I won’t be showing for at least three months,” he said, tilting his body forward, “You know?”

Makoto rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m sorry. Am I really that bad?”

“Not bad,” Katsu blushed, “Just…overbearing.”

“I’ll try to rain it in.”

Katsu chuckled, and pecked Makoto on the cheek. He stepped back up to the kitchen counter, opening the jar with a quiet whistle. A small smile spread across his lips, his attention moving from the jar to the vegetables laid out – ready to be prepped.

“What are you making?” Makoto asked innocently, “What’s in the oven?”

He stepped up behind Katsu, wrapping his arms around his middle. Makoto rested his chin on to Katsu’s shoulder, gazing down and watching as Katsu cooked. 

“Kashipan is baking in the oven,” Katsu hummed, “I know you miss them, so I decided to give a hand at making them.”

Makoto pressed a kiss to Katsu’s neck, “Lemon ones?”

“Yep.”

“You’re the best! The store in town doesn’t sell them! Can you believe that?” Makoto grinned, “What place doesn’t sell Kashipan?!”

Katsu laughed, “Oh no. The world is coming to the end.”

“It is!”

Still giggling, Katsu put the chopped vegetables into the pot, “Well, I’ve done my best but I’m sorry if they don’t come out like the ones from Tokyo.”

“Everything you make is amazing.”

“You’re sweet.”

Makoto sniffed, “It smells really good. What is it?”

Katsu hummed, “Donburi. I really like cooking it, we haven’t had one since Tokyo and I’m craving it.”

“Fair enough. Oh, I’ll make you Yakisoba. I’m really good at making that.”

Turning around, Katsu slid his arms around Makoto’s stomach and clocked his head back. He raised an eyebrow, “You? Cook?”

“Hey!” Makoto beamed widely, “I can, you know! Just not that well…but Yakisoba is something I’m able to make. I used to live on it alone.”

Making a soft sound in thought, Katsu tilted his head a little, “That’s frying noodles.”

Makoto nodded playfully, “And pork, cabbage, carrots. Ah, you have so little faith in me.”

“I’m so wounded!”

“You’ll live!” Katsu laughed.

“But it hurts so badly!”

“You want me to kiss it better?”

“Yes please.”

**This is brave, this is bruised  
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me**

Wiggling underneath the pink futon plant, Katsu pouted.

He shifted, pulling it even tighter around himself. It was cold. So cold. His toes curled, despite wearing two pairs of fuzzy socks, he was still so cold! Katsu sighed, buddling himself in Makoto’s black hoodie. It took a few minutes to realize he was smelling the hoodie, and immediately smacked himself from embarrassment.

He was not about to be one of those people who smells their lover’s clothes!

Just no!

Okay, maybe a little…

A knock pulled him out of his thoughts, Katsu blinked and begrudgingly crawled out of the warm cocoon. That couldn’t be Makoto, he would just come in. It’s his home too, after all. So who would come to their house at this time?

Checking the clock, Katsu scratched at his head. Makoto was due to home any minute now.

Had he locked the door by mistake?

Another knock was delivered to the door.

“I-I’m coming, just a m-moment.”

Pulling the door open with both hands, Katsu shivered immediately from he strong wave of cold wind. His eyes closed from the crisp cold wind, before squinting his eyes open, and raising his head to look into the face of the person at the door.

“Ah, Bonjour monsieur.”

Katsu blinked his forest green eyes, “Oh…b-bonjour…”

Unsure of what to say or do, Katsu just stood there. Staring wide eye up at the fake man he had met in the store last week. The French man continued smile down at him. Smile in a ‘sleepy’ sort of way? Was there such a sort of smile?

“Katsu! I’m home! Do we have guests or somet-“

Makoto, who had originally been running, eased into a slow run and eventually stopped. His amber eyes grow wide, so wide that they looked like they were about to pop out of his eye sockets. His hand, that had originally been waving in hope of catching Katsu’s attention, dropped to his side.

“Makoto?” Katsu said, tilting his head.

The blonde man hummed smoothly, turning around with a hand in his pocket. He tilted his body, and held up his other hand in a small wave.

“Hello Edamame.”

Makoto stared and stared, his body beginning to shake. Tremble. Eyes so wide, and jaw becoming slack, his mouth opening wide. But as soon as the man spoke, he straightened himself and crushed his mouth shut. His widen eyes quivered into a heated, bitter glare.

Then, like a switch, Makoto spun around and ran away.

“M-Makoto!”

The French man laughed, “Ah-same old Edamame.”

“It’s nice to meet you Katsu Edamame. I’m Laurent. Laurent Thierry.”

**Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)**  
**And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)**

“Edamura.”

“That’s what I said. Edamame.”

Katsu whined, puffing his cheeks out. His shoulders hunched, with his hands tightening around the blue-striped mug. It only had tea inside, as Makoto had asked him not to drink coffee anymore. Katsu had complied, manly due to not really liking coffee in the first place – Makoto loved the stuff.

“Who are you exactly?”

Laurent Thierry sat across from him, on the other side of the coffee table. Katsu had to invite the man in, he couldn’t be rude and shut the door in the man’s face. Every bone in his body fought him, and in the end, he had invited him in for coffee.

“Just as I said before, my name is Laurent.”

Katsu sighed, “That’s not what I meant…”

“You want to know why your loving husband ran away?” Laurent said softly, tilting his head back and waving a hand out smoothly, “Ah, yes. He did that a lot, especially in his younger years. Always ran away screaming, but don’t you worry, he always found his way back. No need to worry.”

Huffing, Katsu narrowed his eyes. He couldn’t help but worry. Makoto hadn’t done that before.

Why?

Why had Makoto ran away like that?

…Was this man, Laurent from back then?

Before Katsu could speak, before he could even part his lips to voice his suspicion, the front door swung open. The whole house shook from the force of it being ripped open! Loud thuds echoed through the house, feet stomped along the wooden panels, storming straight into the living room like an angry hurricane.

Makoto looked pure angry. Hands tightening at his sides, fingers curled in and digging into the palms of his hands. Even his hair looked like it was standing on end.

His eyes…

His eyes, they were terrifying.

“Get out.”

Katsu gasped. A shudder running through his body, and pulling his knees close to his chest.

“Hmm?”

“I said get out.”

Makoto got right into Laurent’s face. Hissing the words out, sneering and snarling. Looking so very angry that Katsu was worried Makoto might even strike the man!

Laurent didn’t even look fazed – as if he had experienced something like this before.

Katsu just stared in shock.

“Now-now, Edamame, is that anyway to talk to an old friend?” the blonde said smugly.

Makoto swiftly grabbed the man by the front of his shirt, “You are no friend of mine. I said get out. Leave. Don’t make me say it again.”

Again, Laurent’s face didn’t change. Instead it almost looked like he was enjoying it? Taking it with content? 

“Edamame, Edamame,” Laurent chuckled, “You’re like an angry little puppy dog. All bark, no bite.”

Laurent even reached up to lightly, and playfully smack Makoto repeatedly on the cheek.

Makoto paused, eyes squinting in disbelief. It lasted a full minute before his face scrunched up in even more bitter-anger. His body truly beginning to shake.

“Leave!” he finally yelled, “Get out! Whatever you’re after, whatever you want, I’m not doing it! I’m not helping you, or anything! Just stay out of my life!”

“How very crud of you,” Laurent hummed, “I don’t want anything from you.”

“Bullshit!”

Laurent smirked in amusement, “Such language. My. I don’t remember you being so unsavoury.”

“Fuck you!”

Katsu awkwardly shifted, becoming increasingly uncomfortable. The more Makoto spat at Laurent, the more the blonde seemed to be…amused? He was totally loving it? Katsu swallowed thickly, he had never seen Makoto just so angry before.

“How did you find me?” Makoto sneered.

Laurent shrugged, casually looked to the side, “It really wasn’t that hard. Edamame, if you really didn’t want to be found, maybe you should have at least changed your name. Your new family is registered as Edamame, so we could easily track you to here.”

“We?” Makoto growled, “Who else is here!”

“Don’t worry,” Laurent waved a hand carelessly, “Everyone else are still in Los Angeles. I came alone. But a rice farmer? Really Edamame, after everything I taught you? What a waste.”

Makoto clenched his teeth, “Fuck off already.”

Laurent hummed, brushing him off once more, “Oh, congratulations.”

“…”

“On the marriage,” the blonde said simply, closing his eyes and then slyly looking up at him, “And the baby.”

“How do you know about that?!” Makoto gawked.

Laurent chuckled, “Katsu and I ran into one another at the store. He was being bothered by one of your neighbours, and he freaked out when he saw a pregnancy test. I put two and two together.”

Makoto paused, glancing back at Katsu (who looked away sheepishly – he hadn’t mentioned about their neighbour) but quickly snapped his glare back to the French man.

“You were following him?!”

“Well, I had to. You understand that, don’t you Edamame?” Laurent said sly, “I wanted to find out more about the one who stole our little, innocent soy beans heart. I have to say, Katsu’s quite a catch. Lucky little ducklin you are.”

Makoto sneered, “Don’t call him so formally. He doesn’t know you.”

“Ah, but it would such a pain to call you both Edamame.”

“You won’t have too!” Makoto said, “Get out and never come back!”

Laurent clocked his head, a hand reaching up to hold his chin. A wide smirk curling across his thin lips, “Edamame, you’re a rice framer. This house is rather cheap, due to the damage it has suffered during the year, which makes it very assessable to mold. Katsu’s own savings are almost blown, and his part-time job doesn’t earn him enough to help.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Hmmm? Babies are expensive. Kids are expensive.”

Makoto huffed, “We’ll manage.”

“How does 90000 yen sound?”

The brunette paused. His eyes squinting, “What are you playing at? I told you, I’m not doing anything you want. I don’t want to be involved, ever again. I want you to leave me, and my family the hell alone.”

Laurent chuckled, climbing to his feet and amazingly placing a hand onto Makoto’s shoulder. He closed a single eye, “No. Think of it as a gift.”

“A gift?”

“That’s right. A wedding gift, from all of us!” Laurent snapped his fingers, placing the brief case onto the coffee table. He opened it, revealing stacks of yen inside, “900000 yen. I believe that’s 6,375.74 in pounds and 7183.81 in euros or 8717.55 in dollars. Encase you guys want to live abroad.”

That was a lot of money. Money that could really help them…Katsu didn’t know how this man knew all that about their finances, or their house, it was pretty scary and the man really was right. With how expensive the baby will be, Katsu expected they would probably start struggling in a month or so…

It was something that worried him.

But still, he was stupid. He wasn’t a money grabbing cow. There was a catch. There was no way Laurent would seriously give them this money as a gift.

“Sure,” Makoto snorted, having the same thoughts, “A gift. Sure. Yeah right. Everything has strings with you. I take this, and you will be back within a month, knocking on my door and saying I owe you one.”

Laurent hummed, “You’re right, I probably would have done that in the past. But, I’m serious Edamame. This is a gift from everyone back home.”

Makoto snorted again at that. At ‘home’.

“Cynthia really wanted you to have it, to put it towards your new family. Your husband and child.”

That made Makoto pause. His face relaxing just slightly.

“Cynthia really said that?” he asked quietly.

Laurent nodding. For the first time since he stepped into the house, he wasn’t smiling, no playfulness was on his face. His expression was serious.

“Yes. She wanted you to have it, to put it towards your future.”

Makoto still eyed the money suspiciously, “I don’t trust you.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Lauren agreed. He took out a brown, large envelope and held it out to him.

The brunette glared at the envelope, hoping to burn it away with his eyes but soon enough – he snatched it away. Still glaring, he ripped of the top of the envelope and took out crisp white paper.

“Government papers?”

Laurent shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets, “Binding papers. According to the law, we’ve given you the money. If you accept it, we’re legally unable to take it back.”

“Illegally?”

“Don’t worry. We won’t. You have my word.”

“As if that means anything,” Makoto rolled his eyes, “I don’t know. What do you think we should do, Katsu?”

Having been sitting there silently, just watching, Katsu was not expecting to be addressed. Let alone having the French man’s attention on him. Immediately his face darkened, and he shovelled at first, before standing up. Quickly moving towards Makoto.

“Um…”

Makoto turned towards him, passing the papers to the him, “What should we do?”

“…I…um…” Katsu sheepishly began to read the papers.

They seriously looked legit. Like real papers. It was binding. If they accept the money, then the papers are binding and the money couldn’t be taken back. If it was real, like Makoto was questioning.

“It’s…a lot of money…it would do a lot…”

Makoto nodded in agreement, “It is. It would go a long way.”

“I…It’s up to you, Makoto. He’s…He’s from your past…and-um,” Katsu winced, struggling to form the words, “It’s your decision.”

“This is generally real?” Makoto questioned, peering at Laurent darkly.

“Cross my heart.”

“Fine…we’ll take it.”

Laurent clapped his hands together, “Great! Now that’s settle, how does earning 6500000 yen sound?”

“What?!”

**I'm not scared to be seen**  
**I make no apologies, this is me**

The sharpest words want to cut us down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's all of the first chapter. this is an original story, with my own thoughts and twists. any suggestions or predictions are welcome!  
> i do hope you like katsu. i really love him.


	2. Never Feeling of Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much! i'm so pleased people like it! i hope everyone will be back!

**Chapter 2**

**Never Feeling of Comfort**

****

The sound of being striked echoed throughout the room.

Katsu’s eyes widened, and his jaw became slack. He moved forward, grabbing onto Makoto’s arm to prevent him from decking the blonde man again.

“Get out! Take your stupid money too!”

“M-Makoto! Calm down!”

Laurent hummed deeply, rubbing his chin. His lips twisted to the side, and after a good minute, his lips twirled into a wide smirk.

“Ah, it would seem your aim has gotten better, Edamame~”

Makoto’s nostrils flared, “Shut up! Get out already!”

“I’m going-I’m going~” purred Laurent.

Laurent eased himself back up, waving his hand as he stood. He slid a sky-blue eye open, peering at Makoto.

“Think about it. I leave for Los Angeles in the morning. I will be waiting in the West-Wax parking lot.”

“I don’t have to think about it!”

Laurent laughed, “See you tomorrow then!”

“Fuck you!”

Katsu tightened his arms around Makoto. His eyes spilled wide, and mouth twisted tightly, his jaw was tense. He stared long after the door had shut.

Makoto slammed the front door behind Laurent. He even kicked it. He was breathing heavily, panting deeply, Katsu could feel his anger. His bitterness, and disgust. It made him shiver.

“Makoto?” he mumbled quietly, pressing himself against his husband.

Makoto closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand. It lasted a second before he snapped back to reality, his eyes widening and swiftly his tensed body melted into a more relaxed state. His head jerked, turning to look down at Katsu.

“Katsu…” he wheezed sharply, eyes softening, “I’m sorry.”

Katsu bites back a yelp, his body suddenly being pulled closer. Makoto turned his body, wrapping his arms around Katsu, pressing his face into Katsu’s neck.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Blinking once, Katsu carefully wrapped his arms around Makoto in return. One hand moving to tangle itself into Makoto’s hair, gently petting him.

“It’s alright,” he cooed softly, trying to comfort his lover, “It’s alright, Makoto.”

Makoto sniffled, hiccupping deeply. He pressed himself closer.

“Did…did I scare you?”

“No-maybe a little…”

“I’m sorry.”

Katsu sighed quietly, “I think you’ve apologized enough.”

“I have?”

“Yes,” he nodded, “You’ve apologized way to many times. You don’t need to anymore.”

Makoto pulled back, an expression of distained on his face, “You’re the most important person to me, the most precious person in the world. I don’t want to jeopardy it, I don’t want to hurt you…”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Katsu smiled, “You won’t. I love you, Makoto. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I will always forgive you. Because I love you, and I will always support you, always help you. No matter what.”

A wobbly smile appeared across Makoto’s face, “No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

Makoto kisses him. He lent his head down, and pushed their mouths together. It was hot, and wet. Katsu tried his best to kiss back in return, to keep up with his lover but Makoto was strangely way more active than normally.

He was much more intense. Much more fiery.

Katsu yelped, his bumped-leg hitting the coffee table to harshly.

“Shit!” Makoto let out, “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I got in my head and I hurt you-“

Pressing himself up to the brunette, Katsu kisses him – just to silence the babbling.

“It’s alright.”

“But…”

Katsu shook his head, “It’s alright. You didn’t mean to.”

Makoto quivered. He crushed Katsu’s smaller body into his, circling his thin arms around Katsu’s waist and burying his face into Katsu’s neck.

“I love you. I love you so much.”

Katsu hummed sweetly, kissing Makoto on the temple, “I love you too.”

Tilting his head back, Katsu ran his fingers through Makoto’s thick and soft brown hair. His head rested on top of Makoto’s head, enjoying the how soft his hair was. It was in that moment his eyes caught the suitcase still on the table.

“H-He left it here…”

Makoto pulled back, staring at the suitcase. His cheeks puffed out in an swirl of annoyance, lips twitching into a deep scowl.

“That asshole,” he hissed, “He must have done it on purpose.”

Katsu swallowed, “Um, well-we don’t have to use it. We could, um, just put it aside so if somebody does came back to take it…”

“We’ll have it to return.”

He carefully shovelled closer to the open suitcase, moving to touch the lid when Makoto launched forward. Wrapping an protective arm around Katsu’s middle, Makoto’s other hand grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t touch it.”

Katsu blinked, “You think…it’s booby-trapped? Would, um, he really do that?”

“Um.”

Makoto inhaled sharply, “I guess not. It’s not something the asshole would do…”

“He said it was from Cynthia…so it would be safe,” Katsu said calmly, “You can trust Cynthia…right?”

Katsu still had the notebook that Makoto made. It was locked away in the top draw, at the back of the house. It always left him feeling sick whenever he thought of the book, but it was not his right to burn it. To throw it away. He had tried to return it to his husband, but Makoto wouldn’t accept it.

‘I gave it to you. It’s your decision…’

So Katsu locked it away. But Cynthia had been written with fondness. He picked up the small traces of affection in the writing. It was only there for Cynthia, nobody else.

Like a mother.

Katsu wasn’t sure if Makoto felt betrayed by Cynthia. He admittingly hoped not. Katsu wanted, more then anything, for somebody to have cared for him back then. Just somebody who watched over Makoto with some sort of real kindness.

Katsu wished Cynthia was that person…so…

“C-Can you trust Cynthia?”

Makoto snapped out of his thoughts, his other hand joining it’s twin around Katsu’s middle. Both hands laying on the flat surface.

“She had been the kindest person there.”

A grime smile, “I’m sorry baby.”

A shudder seemed to run up his spine.

“I don’t know…” Makoto spoke pitifully, “I don’t know. Cynthia treated me like-I mean I thought she treated me like-like family, but I don’t know anymore.”

It hurt. It really did. Hearing Makoto speak so brokenly, the same toned voice that made Katsu’s eyes water. It brought back the heart crushing memories of their first year together. The memories of how Makoto had been like.

“Have-Have you tried to talk to her?”

“No,” Makoto said sternly, “I don’t want to talk to any of them. Cynthia might have been the nicest person, had been unfairly kind to me but she was still in on the plan. She knew from the start.”

“She could have saved me and didn’t.”

Katsu swallowed at the words. Tears began to peek at the corner of his eyes. He had no right to enforce anything. He had not been around back then, had not met any of them. Katsu could only support Makoto’s decision.

Besides, meeting Laurent…

Katsu wasn’t sure what to think of the man. On first glance, Laurent seemed like an alright guy. A friendly man that looked like he cared for Makoto? But Katsu had read the notebook, and had an idea on who Laurent’s really was.

“It’s alright, baby…”

Makoto pulled Katsu closer, hugging him tightly. His face burying into the auburn’s throat.

Katsu turned in Makoto’s arms, “I’m sorry nobody was there for you before. But I’m here for you now-“

“I love you,” Makoto interrupted, “I love you so much.”

Guiding Katsu’s head back, Makoto kisses him firmly. Their mouths sealing together in a desperate but steamy tango.

“Ma-koto, I-I-you want?” he gasped between the kisses.

“Yeah, is that okay?”

A brilliant blush took over Katsu’s face, “It is…”

“Something’s wrong?”

Makoto gently pressed soft kisses across Katsu’s face. He rubbed the smaller male’s back. Makoto was always trying to comfort him, even when Makoto was the one who needed comfort.

“Um,” Katsu sheepishly looked down, “W-We haven’t…you know, since the baby…”

Eyes widening, Makoto’s lips formed an ‘o’ shape. His own cheeks became pink, and a sweet smile crossed his lips. He rested their foreheads together.

“If you don’t feel comfortable, then we won’t do anything.”

“It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable. It’s, um…embarrassing…”

Kissing him again, Makoto said, “Embarrassing? You’re beautiful. Gorgeous.”

Katsu sighed with a smile. He loved Makoto, more then anything. It was like Makoto knew exactly what he was feeling, or the thoughts he was having. Makoto was always so quick to sooth them over.

Katsu wished he could do it in return. 

He wanted to be able to sooth away all of Makoto’s worries and fears. He does his best to help, but sometimes, it’s just not enough. Would it ever be enough? Maybe someday Katsu could be able to tend to Makoto’s scars.

Still kissing, Katsu was eased onto the table. He sat with his back arched, hands trembling as he held onto Makoto’s jumper. Makoto sunk lower and lower, hands caressing.

Suddenly, a sob reached his ears.

Katsu looked down at his husband, his heart immediately breaking. Makoto sunk into his lap, hiding his head into Katsu’s lap with his arms wrapped firmly around Katsu’s waist. Katsu’s eyes softened, and gently began to pet him on the head – trying to comfort the brunette.

“Why?” Makoto hiccupped, “Why did they have to come back now?”

“Makoto…” Katsu said quietly.

Makoto sobbed, hiding his broken face, “Why did they come back now? When I’m just-just…”

“It’s alright. It’s okay.”

“I hate them! I hate all of them, especially that guy!”

Katsu swallowed thickly, he shifted his body and slid off the table. He came to sit in front of Makoto. The brunette’s face was truly one he had never witnessed before. Katsu had seen Makoto cry before, with a heartbroken expression but this…this was something else.

“I know it hurts, but you’re strong,” Katsu said, cupping Makoto’s face, “You’re a lot stronger then you were back then. It’s alright to cry, to be upset by them reappearing in your life. But you’re stronger, and you can handle it this time.”

Makoto hiccupped, “I can?”

“Yes.”

The brunette bites his bottom lip, “I don’t know if I can…they ripped me apart…what’s different this time?”

“You have me this time,” Katsu shyly said, “No matter what happens, I’ll always be there. I’ll always be there for you. So when you feel overwhelmed, and like everyone is against you…j-just know you’re not alone, cause-cause I’m here.”

“You’ll always be there?” Makoto sniffed.

Katsu nodded, “Always.”

“You have to promise! Promise you won’t leave me, ever!”

Katsu blinked. Hadn’t he already promised that? He would never leave Makoto. Never.

“I won’t.”

“You have to promise.”

Katsu smiled shyly, “I promise to never leave you. Why would I ever leave the man I love?”

“You’d be surprised how many people I have met that said the same thing…and left their lover…” Makoto winced sickly, “I don’t want to lose you. Even if-if you see something you don’t like…”

Katsu swallowed, “Oh, okay. T-Then how about this…” he said softly, raising his hand and stretching out his pinkie, “It’s a bit childish, and silly but-“

“No,” Makoto shook his head, “It’s not.”

Linking their pinkies together, the two kissed.

“I promise to stay with you always.”

“I promise to be with you forever,” Makoto said.

Katsu giggled, and hugged Makoto, his arms locking around Makoto’s neck. The action took Makoto by surprise, as the two fell back – Katsu on top.

“You know, we’re married and all. So we already have an unbreakable vow.”

Makoto huffed, “You’re so simple minded love.”

“Hey!” Katsu smiled.

Makoto pulled him into another kiss. His hands sneaking around Katsu’s waist and resting on the plush backside. He even gave a teasing squeeze.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Hm-yes.”

Katsu hummed, brushing his fingers along Makoto’s cheek. Their lips touching into a sweet kiss. Makoto’s hand got tangled into Katsu’s auburn hair, pushing him into the kiss and deepening it further. His other hand caressed Katsu’s round, backside – making him whimper.

A shudder ran through his body, Katsu’s hips arched backward all of a sudden. He could feel Makoto’s thigh, rubbing with purpose against him. A moan escaped him, and when Katsu tilted his head back to breathe – Makoto pulled him straight back.

Suddenly Makoto let out a yelp, followed by a thud of something heavy falling. Katsu quickly moved off his husband, watching worriedly as the brunette sat up and grabbed his ankle.

“Shit, fuck,” Makoto grunted.

Katsu giggled.

“How mean. My husband is laughing at my pain,” Makoto pouted, “Don’t you care?”

“Nope,” Katsu smiled teasingly, “You’re the one who kicked the table.”

“Not on purpose! I was distracted!”

Katsu laughed again, “Oh, poor you. My poor baby.”

“That’s more I like it.”

They both laughed at that.

Katsu tilted his head, noticing what the thud of something falling was. The suitcase was on the ground down, with yen scattered around it. Makoto must have accidently kicked it off, or it fell off when he hit the table.

Makoto must have noticed it too, as his face twisted into a more serious expression. At least he wasn’t upset anymore.

Slowly, Makoto plucked one of the loose bills. He glared at it, as if he was suspecting it to be a trap.

“Makoto?” Katsu asked, crawling up behind him.

Makoto sighed deeply, “Money isn’t everything. You taught me that.”

“I did?”

The brunette smiled lovingly, “Katsu. We didn’t need money to get to where we are. Sure, having money is good but you showed me we can figure it out without it. I know it will be hard soon, with the baby and the expensive but I just think we will manage.”

“So do I,” Katsu bowed his head, “It’ll be difficult. Babies are expensive, and we are running out of funds.”

“We’ll manage.”

Katsu sighed in content, leaning into Makoto’s side.

“If we really do keep this, it’ll be like signing with the devil.”

“The devil?”

“There is always a catch. We-I can’t trust them.”

Katsu nodded in understanding. But he couldn’t quieten the small voice that told him everything would be so much easier with the money. However, he wasn’t going to push it, and accept Makoto’s decision. They’ll figure something out, he hoped.

“I’ve never seen that much before…”

Makoto hummed, his eyes seeming to narrow into a small glare. He shovelled towards the mess of bills.

“I’ve seen mountains. Piles. So much that people were able to swim in it.”

Katsu gasped in disbelief. It did not sound real. 

“It’s not a good thing,” Makoto sighed, “Having so much money alters who you are. Messes with you head. People…people do some crazy stuff when money is involved.”

Flinching, Katsu lowered his head. That sounded more realistic.

“I don’t need money,” he finally said, “I’m happy with just being with you.”

Makoto blinked, and turned to him. His eyes were wide, as if he had not been suspecting Katsu to say that. He stared at the auburn male as if it was the first time he was generally seeing Katsu.

“You’re amazing.”

Katsu squealed quietly, his face darkening, “I…w-why?”

“You just are,” Makoto kissed him.

They embraced one another again. After a few minutes of just enjoying one another’s presence, they began to carefully restack the money. Katsu couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with handling so much. He found himself looking away sheepishly.

The texture of the bills were so unusual, slipper between his fingers. He had never touched so much before, never even held an 10,000 yen bill or an 5,000 yen bill before. The highest he had ever held was the 2,000 yen bill, and even that was lucky. They were that poor.

Katsu swivelled his head back around when he felt a complete new texture. His eyes widened, holding the crisp-cream coloured envelope. Katsu brought it closer to his eyes, running his fingers along the thin sides.

“Makoto,” he said, “There’s a letter.”

Makoto immediately stiffened up. He carefully placed the yen bills down in stacks, and slowly turned towards Katsu. He only stared down at the envelope, not taking it when Katsu held it to him.

“I-um, I think it’s for you…”

Makoto just stared at it.

The redhead awkwardly shovelled, lowering the envelope to his lap. He was unsure of what to do.

“Makoto?”

Said man groaned softly, running his hands down his face. His fingers pressing into his eye sockets, before he peered back down at the envelope. An envelope that contained who knows what.

What type of letter was it?

“I don’t want it,” he finally said.

Katsu blinked, “Oh…?”

“I just…Katsu, it’s messed up. So fucked up. After all this time, I…”

“It’s okay.”

He had spoken quickly in hopes of comforting his husband. He slid the letter across the coffee table, and moved forward. Katsu put his hands onto Makoto’s shoulders, with a gentle and comforting smile.

“It’s perfectly understandable, Makoto.”

Makoto made a quiet whine, leaning against Katsu, “Is it? I’m being ridiculous. I’m a coward. I can’t even look at a damn letter without freaking out. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Katsu said, cupping Makoto’s face, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re being careful, weary. After everything they put you through, everything they had done to you, you’re being careful.”

“Careful?”

“Hm,” Katsu nodded, “You’re guarding yourself this time. I-It’s understandable, reasonable, because you was-“

“Manipulated. Broken down. Ripped apart.”

Katsu didn’t even flinch, no, he hugged Makoto. He pressed his body as close as possible to his husband.

“You don’t have to read the letter if you don’t want too.”

“I want to burn it.”

The redhead paused, “You want to…burn the letter?”

“I want to burn everything.”

A shudder ran through Katsu, “Everything?”

Makoto was silent. His eyes closed tightly, his lips quivering slightly.

“…Well, no, not really…” he sighed quietly, “I don’t know what to do. I…”

“Makoto…”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.”

**Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter **

****

“90,000 yen is a lot of money. We could really use that for our future, for the baby. Money isn’t everything, but it could really make our lives better. It could seriously cushion our baby. 65,00,00 yen is even more money.”

Katsu shifted in their shared futon. He rolled over to bury himself into Makoto’s arms, his fingers gently laying against Makoto’s chest.

“It is a lot of money,” he mumbled softly.

Makoto hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry. I just…can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Do you miss it?”

Makoto swallowed thickly, “I-a little. To be honest, I miss it a little bit. The adrenaline I’d get when I was performing a plan, the knowledge that you was giving justice to somebody who definitely deserve it…”

“It’s all so…”

Katsu hummed, “Before you were recruited, you performed smaller scams, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, well after Health Tea Cooperated used me as an escape goat, nobody would give me a job. I decided that if I was going to be treated as a con-man, I might as well be one…” Makoto said, “Everything kind of snowballed from there.”

Katsu presses a gentle kiss to Makoto throat, “It’s alright to be conflicted. That’s natural.”

“But it’s dangerous,” Makoto sighed, “It’s so dangerous. Why do I miss something that ruined me? Why do I want to perform this job so badly? It’s so stupid! I shouldn’t want too!”

“I shouldn’t want to be anywhere near them! So many times I had tried to make an honest earning, had generally not wanted to be involved but they had dragged me in any way! It’s so fucked up! Now that I generally have a choice, I shouldn’t want to be so-Gha!”

Katsu kissed him, pushing their mouths together.

“Shhh, it’s alright baby.”

“But it isn’t,” Makoto mumbled, kissing him back, “It’s like I’m addicted.”

Katsu hummed thoughtfully, “How badly do you-you want to…um…”

“I don’t know,” the other groaned, hitting his head against the pillow, “Ah, I’m just so frustrated.”

Pushing himself onto his hands and knees, Katsu bashfully climbed on top of his husband. Makoto immediately pulled him into a kiss, their mouths sealing together with their tongues wrapping together. Hands ran along his sides, caressing his hips and curling around to his backside.

A whine escaped his mouth, Katsu arched his back.

“We haven’t, um, done it since,” he said against Makoto’s mouth.

Makoto’s fingers tangled into the long white shirt Katsu wore. Slowly, he began to inch it up his thighs.

“Do you want to?”

Katsu wheezed softly, tilting back, “Um…y-yeah…”

Immediately, Makoto launched forward and sealed their mouths together again. His hands slid underneath the shirt, touching the soft skin hidden underneath – he cupped Katsu’s backside, squeezing it teasingly.

Makoto sat up, gently pulling the shirt up and soon enough connecting his mouth to Katsu’s bare chest. The wet, and hotness circled his right nipple, sucking tenderly. Katsu’s back arched, his head falling back in a gasp. 

The heated wetness became to form between his legs again. Katsu shyly rocked his hips, before gasping – his body jolting backward. Makoto had one hand on the small of his back, holding Katsu against him while his other hand – oh-god his other hand.

Katsu shuddered. His face flushing brightly, his hands wrapping around Makoto. Fingers, as gentle and tenderly as always, caressed him down there.

“Makoto?”

The brown haired man laid down, his glossy eyes so beautiful that Katsu quivered. Both hands held Katsu’s hips, his thumbs rubbing circles on Katsu’s hips.

“Stay there, kay?”

Blindly, Katsu nodded. He didn’t know what Makoto wanted to do, the only other time Katsu had stayed in this position – Makoto had been naked. His husband still was in his boxes. Did Makoto want him to take them off? He can do that.

Suddenly, Makoto began to move. He shovelled his body down, hands guiding Katsu up as if to met him half way.

Katsu stared down at him. He clocked his head in confusion.

“Makoto-Makoto!”

Hands sliding up and over Katsu’s hips, Makoto held him down. Right over his mouth. A shocking, powerful tingles clawed up his spine. Katsu’s jaw became slack, and his hands shot forward to grab onto Makoto’s brown hair.

The mouth on him was-was to much! Katsu’s body shook. This was not the first time Makoto had placed his mouth in that spot, he had done it a few times before. But this was the first time Katsu was held above his face.

It was strange, but had his body twitching and shaking uncontrollable.

Katsu was panting, whimpering and eventually found his body slouching forward.

“Makoto, I-I, you-you gotta stop-“

“Am I hurting you?”

“W-Well no, b-but I’m going to-ah.”

Makoto didn’t stop. He held Katsu’s already on the edge body, fingers rubbing back and forth.

Then, in the split second afterward, Katsu was coming undone. 

“Are you alright, baby?”

Katsu sniffled, his heart pounding so harshly that it was wrecking him. He numbly nodded, inching away from Makoto.

“Was it too much?”

Inhaling sharply, Katsu smiled, “No, it’s was good. A-Amazing…um…”

Makoto grinned, pulling Katsu tightly against him.

“I love you. I love everything about you, how shy you are, how embarrassed you can get. You’re amazing. I adore you.”

Katsu let out a soft squeal of surprise, “M-Makoto. I love you too, I adore everything about you t-too.”

Makoto chuckled.

Eventually, the room became hotter and much steamier. Katsu bites back a quiet whimper, testingly rocking his hips. Makoto rubbed his thighs soothingly, caressing the tensed skin. He comforted Katsu gently with touch alone.

It was a little sore. It had been a bit too long since the last time they had made love. Katsu’s body was hunched forward, hands bracing himself – pressing against Makoto’s chest.

“Does it hurt?”

“A-A little…”

Makoto frowned, rubbing Katsu’s thighs a little more, “I’m sorry.”

“Hm-N-No,” Katsu let out a breathless laugh, “It still feels good.”

As gentle as possible, Makoto began to move his hips. He rocked upward, meeting Katsu halfway. Ever small thrust Makoto made, had Katsu gasping. They moved slow and tenderly, taking it ease – careful and delicate.

“You look so gorgeous right now.”

Katsu smiled, face flushing red. His eyelids fluttered, his cheek leaned into Makoto’s touch – the brunette caressed his cheek.

Another delicate thrust sent sparkles of giddiness through him. Katsu let out a louder moan than before. His eyes rolled back into his head, whimpering as he began to rock back against Makoto’s hips.

Harsh panting echoed through the room. Stars swirled through his view. Sweat licked along his skin, with strong hands holding his hips. With every thrust Makoto made, Katsu pressed back down. Skin snapping, slapping, it grow louder and louder. Moaning and cries increasing.

Katsu found himself stretching backward, his hips arching forward to keep contact. He yelped upon a hand sneaking up his front and cupping his chest, rubbing his nipples teasingly.

Soon enough, the ball inside his gut tingled – spasming. Lava wrapped around him like a coat, making all the hair on his body stand up on end.

Makoto held him tightly, hands braving his shaky body. Both of them erupting in intense pleasure. Deep from inside them, they burst.

“M-Makoto,” Katsu hiccupped, burying his face into Makoto’s throat.

Caressing his shoulders and back, Makoto smothered Katsu’s skin in kisses. Carefully, he laid the two of them back into futon. He used his toes to drag the blanket up, and then fully covered their bodies.

“Are you alright, baby?”

Katsu hummed, snuggling up against Makoto.

“Are you purring?”

Eyes widening briefly, Katsu wheezed sheepishly. He shook his head mutely, trying to hide his red face.

He had been purring? Really?

Makoto let out a laugh, “You’re so damn adorable. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Katsu’s voice was muffled by the pillow. Makoto kissed him on the head, before burying his face into Katsu’s soft auburn hair.

** 'Cause all my life, I've been fighting **

It was late at night and Katsu was on his knees at the base of the toilet. His body was slouched down, with his hands holding the cool surface. He sighed with tears eyes as the familiar bile raced up his throat.

He hated sickness.

“Is it morning sickness again?” Makoto’s familiar soft voice asked.

Katsu could only shrug his shoulder pitifully, throwing up into the toilet again. Makoto immediately crouched down behind him, rubbing him in the small of his back. He kissed Katsu on the side of the head.

“It’s alright baby.”

Katsu sighed, leaning into Makoto’s embrace. He groaned, flushing the toilet and whipping his mouth.

“Why is my morning sickness in the middle of the night?” he muttered, “It’s silly.”

Makoto chuckled, “It’s supposed to stop after the third month.”

“That long?”

“It’ll be alright, baby.”

Holding his hands, Makoto pulled Katsu up.

“Did I wake you up?” Katsu asked, with a small clock of the head.

Makoto shook his head sheepishly, scratch at his cheek.

“No, um, I was already awake and, er…”

“You were overthinking again,” Katsu said softly, pecking Makoto on the cheek, “It’s alright.”

Makoto smiled pitifully, wrapping his arms around Katsu’s middle. He gently walked backward, bring Katsu along with him and out of the bathroom. 

“It’s like…I can’t turn my brain off. 90,000 yen is so much money and 65,00,00 yen is even more.”

Katsu caressed Makoto’s cheek. His husband sighed, closing his eyes and leaning into the hand – his own hand cupping the hand delicately.

“…what would we have to do to earn the money?”

“It’s not like a small job, like flipping burgers, or stacking food. This is way more serious, way more dangerous. I can’t…” Makoto whimpered brokenly, “It’s not something you could walk away from. I was able to do it once but-but it’s unlikely it could happen again and-and-“

Katsu’s eyes widened, “Makoto, calm down. You need to breathe.”

Makoto was shaking, trembling. His face scrunched up, a burning flush appeared in the middle of his face and spreading quickly, biting at his glassy eyes.

“I-I can’t-I can’t-I-it’s very hot in here!”

“It’s alright, breathe baby.”

Makoto collapsed, crashing to the ground. Katsu quickly dropped, “Katsu. I don’t know what to do. Everything is so messed up. Laurent-he was right. Our house isn’t safe enough, especially with a baby on the way. It damaged as it is, and during the summer, it will form mold. Our saving is already mostly gone, and neither of our jobs will support us with the baby.”

“I want this baby. I’m so-so excited to be a parent, to be a father, but-but I can’t ignore the money.”

“Then, let’s read the letter.”

Makoto swallowed, “I…what if it’s bad?”

“Bad?”

“It could contain a-anything. What if…what if it’s something else that will destroy everything I’ve built? What if it’s something about the past, and it breaks us? What if I lose you?”

Katsu straightened himself, “You won’t. Makoto, I love you. I married you, I-I’m carrying your child. I moved out here with you. I know everything already, remember. Your notebook, with everything inside it.”

“Yes, but what-“

“I won’t leave you,” Katsu said, cupping Makoto’s face, “No matter what’s written in that letter. It won’t make me leave.”

Makoto nodded numbly, “You won’t leave me, you won’t leave me, right – yes.”

“How about I read it to you?”

“…Okay, let’s do that…”

The single warned out lamp barely was able to keep the living room lit. They had to sit directly next to it, to be able to see the letter – they couldn’t or wanted to run the electricity up. Katsu sat with his legs stretched out, he wiggled his toes and pulled at Makoto’s t-shirt. He liked to wear Makoto’s shirts to bed – not that husband minded and secretly liked it.

“Are you cold?” Makoto asked.

Katsu sheepishly wiggled closer, “Just a little. I’m fine.”

Makoto slid an warm arm around Katsu’s waste. Pulling him closer, his hand rubbing the visible skin. Katsu held the letter between his hands, fingers twitching a little while holding it. Makoto delivered a sweet kiss to the side of his head.

“Are you comfortable with me reading it now?”

Makoto mutely nodded, turning his face away from the letter. Instead he held his face to Katsu’s throat, laying it into the small space between the neck and shoulder.

Breathing softly, Katsu turned it over. The envelope was very fancy, a perfect creamy colour that had a ruby wax seal. With delicate fingers, Katsu clipped it open and pulled the incredibly smooth paper out. Expensive paper. 

The hand writing was so beautiful. The ink wasn’t smudged at all, and in gorgeous loops and circles. 

“Okay…”

_‘Dear, Makoto_

_I hope you don’t mind me addressing you as Makoto. Despite having never met before, I feel we are already connected._

_I know I cannot ever understand how you feel. Never understand the hurt, pain and suffering you must have experienced. Rightfully so, you have blocked every attempt the group has tried to contact you with. If I was in your position I would have definitely done the same thing. After a lot of reflecting, I think I finally – truly, understand your stance. The only thing I can say, or do, is to apolgoize._

_I greatly apologize for what you had to go through. Everything Laurent had forced upon you, and made you do. All in the name for myself. Please, I had no idea of the plan. I can never explain myself, I can never excuse myself, as I am sure I share ownership in the suffering you had to go through._

_We had resolved to allow you go. I have no right to say, but I’m so proud of what you have built for yourself. The family you are making, and the person you have chosen to live the rest of your life with. We truly didn’t want to re-enter your life, and make it worse for you. We truly wanted you to live the rest of your life in peace, in happiness._

_Unfortunately, I have no other choice but to reach out. This job, it is unlike anything we have ever experienced. We can’t handle it ourselves, no longer, we need your help. Please, consider it. I know, I nor anybody else has the right to ask but I am asking._

_Please help us, Makoto. This isn’t about money, or ruining somebodies repetition. No, this is so much more. There is a lot on the line this time. More than being sent to prison, but there is a high chance of death._

_Please help us. We need your help._

_If you would come to Los Angeles, and listen to us. If you decide to return to Japan, then we won’t stop you. If you decide it, we will never contact you again._

_I hope you will consider it._

_You are, our greatest pretender._

_Sincerely,_

_Dorothy Viglianco.’_

Katsu finished the letter in silence. Neither sat in silence, Katsu lowered the letter carefully.

Dorothy? Dorothy Viglianco. That was the name of the women who everyone throw Makoto under the bus for, wasn’t it? Katsu knew she was alive, but he had no idea she was living with the group.

And, Makoto was their greatest pretender?

Swallowing, Katsu peeked at Makoto’s face. His face was blank, void of emotional. Similar to how Makoto had been during their first meeting.

“M-Makoto? Are you alright?” he asked worriedly, gently taking his hand.

Makoto blinked, snapping out of whatever thoughts he had. He slowly turned his head to face Katsu, his eyes strangely glossy but not with tears.

“I…what was her name again?”

Katsu bites his bottom lip, “D-Dorothy. Dorothy, um, Viglianco. Is…is that the name of the women…?”

“Yeah…”

Makoto frowned, looking confused, “I don’t-why is she. I don’t understand.”

“It…it sounds like she’s apologising,” Katsu shyly said, looking back at the letter, “It seems like – I mean, it sounds like she-she doesn’t – er, no, I mean…she didn’t know about the job?”

Eyes cracking at the corners, Makoto scratched at his head. A soft sound came from the back of his throat.

“Makoto?”

“I’m okay…I’m okay.”

Katsu squeezed his hand, “I’m here. I’m here with you.”

A small smile appeared across Makoto’s lips. He squeezed in return.

“You’ll always be there?”

“Yes.”

Makoto laid his head against Katsu’s shoulder, “I’m conflicted.”

“About Dorothy?”

“Yes,” the brunette nodded, “She…everyone screwed me over for her. From what I was told, she was shot, and fell overboard during the job. That is what set everything off. They all thought she died.”

Katsu gently raised a hand to run through his hair, “But she wasn’t, right?”

“Hm,” Makoto’s eyes slid shut, “That’s right. She washed up on an island. Apparently, she claimed to have lost her memory, but I don’t know if that is completely true. I tried, so hard to-to move on but I couldn’t…”

“In the notebook, you said…everyone wanted you to act unbothered by it? That for the two months you spent with them, they treated it as if it never happened?”

“Yeah, it got worse when we found Dorothy. I mean, when I heard she was alive and living on an island with a makeshift family…I just couldn’t be there anymore. I was already killing myself by playing pretend…”

Katsu turned his body, carefully pulling Makoto into him. He hugged him gentle, pressing a kiss to the top of Makoto’s head.

“Nobody could have expected you to be unharmed by the whole ordeal. It’s a wonder you lasted that long.”

“You’re the only person to ever care…” Makoto mumbled, “Nobody even batted an eyelid when I began to do things…when I was younger, I never wanted to smoke, drink or party. I wanted to stay clean and sober. I never wanted to put drugs into my body…but they ruined me.”

“Talking about bringing Dorothy back, and being a-a stupid family was the last straw for me! The whole code about being lone wolves seemed to be only relevant when she wasn’t apart of it! Why did they have the ruin my life for some women I didn’t even know? And she had the audacity to-to send me a letter? Asking for me to help? To go back to that stupid hole of abyss!”

Katsu grabbed onto Makoto, tugging in desperation, “Makoto, calm down! Please!”

The brunette paused, panting deeply. Clearly he hadn’t realized he was beginning to hyperventilation. His face was pale, and sweaty. Katsu tried to swipe the sweat from Makoto’s brow, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

“It’s alright, baby. It’s okay. Breath for me, baby.”

Makoto wheezed, whimpering softly with his eyes watering. He tried to clench them shut, willing himself to calm down but was failing. It was an uphill struggle. Katsu tried his best to help, he rubbed Makoto’s back and whispered sweet things into his husband’s ear. In the end, Katsu found his arms filled with Makoto. Makoto head was laying against his neck, with Katsu caressing his head.

“Better?”

“Thank you,” Makoto sniffled, “I’m sorry…for the trouble I caused.”

“It’s not trouble,” Katsu said sternly.

Makoto sighed, pulling back and tiredly rubbing his sore eyes. His lips twitched, quivering as he breathed in sharply.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You…want to go to Los Angeles?”

The man was silent for a good couple of minutes, before the slightest of movement came from him. His twitchy, clammy hands carefully took Katsu’s, squeezing them firmly between his hands.

“I think…” he began awkwardly, “I should.”

Katsu tilted his head, “You should? I don’t understand. Makoto, you don’t owe them anything. You know that, right?”

“I know-I know,” Makoto nodded, “I know, but I just feel like I need to go. I can’t explain it, but there’s this feeling inside. Inside here, that’s telling me that I have to go and listen. Listen to what they have to say…”

Katsu flinched, “But Makoto…”

“I know,” Makoto interrupted again, leaning forward to up his face, “I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t even be giving them the time of day. After all these years, they haven’t tried to contact me. Not since you saved me.”

“The last time they tried to contact me, I told them to fuck off! But-But…I can’t help but think, if it’s Dorothy of all people contacting me and not…one of the others…then it must be serious. It must be _something_ important.”

Katsu sighed, “You could get hurt again, Makoto.”

“I know…” Makoto nodded.

Katsu was quiet. His hands raising to lay over Makoto’s hands, and he leant forward to brush their lips together.

“Then I’ll go with you.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, “What, no, you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“B-Because!”

Katsu frowned, “Makoto. I don’t know what will happen, or what it would be like if you-you agreed to help with the job. But I’m not going to let you go alone. Not after everything we’ve been through together.”

“But Katsu. You don’t understand. It’s dangerous, you could get hurt. You could get injured, a-and I can’t risk that. I can’t risk losing you. I just can’t.”

“You won’t,” the redhead said, “You won’t. Makoto, please, just trust me. If something does happen, we’re going to need eachother.”

Makoto inhaled sharply, “Katsu…what if you come to regret that decision?”

“I can’t predict the future. I can only do what I can encase something happens. Makoto. I love you. I’m here with you, I will always be with you. I promised, didn’t I? I’m yours, and nothing will change that.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. I love you so much.”

**Never felt a feeling of comfort, oh**   
**And all this time, I've been hiding**

It was so cold. Katsu shivered intensively, pulling at Makoto’s dark emerald hoodie. He had ‘not so secretly’ whisked it away. Makoto had became custom to Katsu pinching his hoodies, jumpers and sweaters. Ever since Makoto had accidently ruined Katsu’s favourite bumblebee sweat all those years ago.

Makoto held his hand. He held it so tightly that it ached slightly, and his knuckles flushed white.

It was early morning. The sun hadn’t even began to raise.

A whistle came from the side. Laurent waved at the two, with a sleepy smile on his long face. He was leaning on the boot of an black SVU.

“Bonjour!”

Makoto growled like an angry puppy. He narrowed his eyes into a dark glare, “Fuck off.”

“Ah, aren’t you in a good mood. Edamame.”

Laurent hummed wistfully, “Ah, nice to see you again, Katsu.”

“First of all, don’t call him so formally,” Makoto barked, “Second of all, he is coming with me. It’s either both of us, or neither of us.”

The blonde French man chuckled. He cupped his clean-shaved chin, and clocked his head, winking teasingly.

“I never suspected you to come alone,” he chimed smoothly, “Oh look at this. I have three first-class tickets.”

Makoto twitched. He snatched two tickets out of Laurent’s hand, and wordlessly tugged Katsu to the car.

Katsu nervously peered at Laurent. His eyes then turned to look back at Makoto, he squeezed his husband’s hand – it seemed to help calm the angry puppy dog. Makoto breathed sharply, holding his breath for a good few seconds – a strain smile took over his lips.

Makoto pulled the back doors open, “If you’re still tired, you can sleep back here. The trip to the airport will be a few hours.”

“Oh, I might doze a little…”

Running a hand around Katsu’s head, fingers trailing through his auburn hair. Makoto cupped Katsu’s cheek.

“If you start to feel nausea, let me know. Kay?”

Katsu smiled shyly, leaning into Makoto’s touch. He nodded quietly.

“Aw, aren’t you a sweet husband, Edamame~ I’m so proud~”

Makoto stiffened in bitterness. However, instead of snapping with anger, he breathed in softly. He straightened himself, resting his hand on the chair.

“Whatever. Let’s just get on with it.”

“Of course.”

**And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah**   
**I'm so used to sharing**

Katsu had dozed off. Sort off.

“Is little Mame doing alright?”

Makoto shifted, the small smile on his lips immediately dropped. He had just previously been twisted around the front chair, most likely checking on Katsu, he pulled the light blue futon blanket over Katsu’s laying form. As he re-seated himself, Makoto kept a hand back to hold Katsu’s.

“What did you just call him?” Makoto grumbled softly.

Laurent smiled, “Like I said. It would be such a pain to reference the two of you as Edamame. You certainly don’t like it when I call him as his given name, ready to bite my head off you~ Such a protective husband~”

“Shut up already…”

“Haha. Anyway, your little husband is pregnant, so I’ll call him Mame. You know, cause he will be a mère! But also it’s a shorten version of your name.”

Makoto snorted, “My name is Edamura.”

“That’s what I said. Edamame.”

“Asshole…”

Katsu peeked out from underneath his eyelashes. He was laying across the backseats on his side, the travel futon blanket casted across him. Morning sickness had woken him up during the night, and then Dorothy’s letter, agreeing on going to Los Angeles…Katsu hadn’t been able to go back to sleep. He and Makoto had spent the rest of the time packing.

He had timidly asked Makoto to hold his hand – he was just as nervous and scared.

Makoto hadn’t let go. Even now, with Makoto sitting up front – he was still holding his hand. Katsu smiled sweetly, he really loved him. Makoto was already trying to make him feel better.

“How fair along is he? If you don’t mind me asking?”

“Ah, it’s rare African number of months. It’s called mind your business!”

“Ouch. You wound me.”

Makoto doesn’t reply to that clear-bait. Instead he hunched back into the chair, his thumb still rubbing circles across the back of Katsu’s hand.

Laurent glanced at him briefly, “You know. This brings back memories. Remember the first time we met, and you followed me straight to Los Angeles then too?”

“You stole my money.”

“I did?” Laurent hummed, “I remember it differently. Didn’t you try to scam me?”

Makoto snorted loudly, “Can we, like, not? I don’t want to reminisce, or have a trip down memory lane. I just want to sit here, in silence.”

Laurent tapped his fingers against the steering-wheel. It seemed that he had respected Makoto’s request, but all of sudden, he began to whistle.

“Oh my god,” Makoto growled, “What do you want?”

“Me?” Laurent said, faking innocent, “Nothing. I’m just driving this SVU to the airport, three hours away~”

Makoto glared, “Yeah, right. You’re always after something. I’m telling you right now, if I smell the tiniest trace of a fucked up game, I’m leaving. If you are looking to mess with me or Katsu, in some sort of crazy – scheme, I’m taking Katsu and we’re coming straight back here.”

“I won’t let you, or the rest of team confidence mess with me or especially Katsu.”

Laurent was quiet for a few minutes. He then nodded his head, “Understandable. I swear to you that for now on, I will be forthcoming with you. Team confidence will be forthcoming.”

“Sure, as if I could take your word on it.”

**Love only left me alone**

“Oh, hello Mame. You woke up just in time.”

Katsu blinked slowly, rubbing his eyes as he eased himself up. So he really did fall asleep. His auburn hair was a mess, a few hairs sticking up in random direction. Katsu blurry peeked around the car, noticing it wasn’t too bright out.

“It’s going to rain…” he noted mutely.

Slowly, Katsu turned his head. He squinted his eyes to the man leaning against the car outside, the driver-door was open. The man was smoking a cigarette, it made Katsu’s nose scrunch up in distaste.

Blinking again, Katsu directed his weary attention up the man, “I-um, what did you call me?”

“Mame.”

“M-Mame?”

Laurent nodded, dropping his cigarette and stepping on it. He straightened his white dress shirt, before putting his hands into his pockets. Luring his head to the side, he smiled down at Katsu.

Katsu turned back to Laurent in confusion. It was in that moment he realized Makoto wasn’t with them. An anxious sensation ran through him, and he inched further away from the blonde – not trusting him.

“W-Where is Makoto?”

“Your dear, precious husband is very protect of you. Threatened to bite my head off earlier.”

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Makoto’s voice grumbled, stepping back up to the SVU. He held two paper-cups, one of which he gave to Katsu, “I don’t want you even looking at him.”

Laurent held his hands up in surrender, “So protective~”

“I’ll throw this coffee at your face in a minute.”

“Okay-okay, no more joking around. I get it.”

Anxiously, Katsu curled his fingers around the cardboard cup. He peeked into it, seeing the delirious brown liquid swirling around. A sheepish smile took over his lips. Of course. Makoto didn’t want him drinking coffee anymore, since they found out about the baby – Makoto had changed the coffee beans to coco beans. Makoto had been making Katsu hot chocolate a lot.

Makoto crouched down, “How are you feeling? Are you sick? Or hungry? We could get one those baguettes? Thought, we don’t know what’s in it and the Doctor said we should cut back on certain foods – I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”

“Just a little bit,” Katsu giggled.

Makoto sheepishly smiled, “Ah, I’m sorry.”

Katsu hummed sweetly, his eyes becoming soft and gentle. However, his attention was soon taken by the airport behind them. He had only ever been to an airport twice in his life, first time being on his way to Germany and then on his way home. Those airports was no where near as big or busy as this.

He gulped.

**But I'm at one with the silence**

Katsu had never been to Los Angeles before.

The flight to Los Angeles had been in an interesting one. It was a long one, and Katsu had mainly been preoccupied with staring out the window in amazement. Makoto had sat between him and Laurent, blocking all contact with them – he really was protective. Katsu couldn’t blame him.

By the time they had landed, Los Angeles was already beginning to darken.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Now, now Edamame. Beggars can’t be choosers~”

“Fuck off.”

Katsu squinted his eyes, peering up at the motel. It was nothing like the hotel he had seen on television. It was slightly run down, like something out of an old budget movie. The roof was a faded red colour, and the walls a simple yellow. His nose twitched, scrunching up slightly in distain. An homeless man could be seen peeing on the place.

Shivering, Katsu stepped closer to his husband. Said husband placed an protective and comforting arm around him.

“There’s nothing wrong with this place. It’s unique.”

Makoto bristled, “Nothing wrong with it? Are we looking at the same motel?”

“You’re too judgmental, Edamame.”

Makoto doesn’t reply, instead he glared at the blonde. His heated gaze dripping with frustration and hatred.

“Anyway, my little Edamame-“

“Don’t patronize me.”

Laurent carelessly flicked his hand, unfazed, “ _Anyway_ , Edamame. It’s getting late, and I am sure everyone is quite hungry and tired.”

“Don’t speak for everyone!” Makoto snaped, before he paused, “Are you hungry and tired?”

Katsu blinked, ripping his eyes away from the strange pile of doll parts near the dumpster. He tilted his head upward, staring up at Makoto shyly.

“Oh-um, a little bit…”

A flush spread across his cheeks as his stomach grumbled, “Maybe quite a bit…”

“Great! Let’s hurry and settle in together!”

Makoto hissed, “Together? We’re not sharing a room.”

“Hmm? But it’s cheap?” Laurent said, already strolling towards the black metal staircase going up the side of the motel.

Makoto snorted, “Whatever, I’ll just go book us our own room…” he paused, hand moving to his pocket, “Wait, where’s my…”

Laurent smirked.

“You asshole!”

“Me? I did nothing,” Laurent shrugged, holding up the key, “Now, let’s hurry inside. It’s getting quite cold.”

“Give me my wallet!”

Katsu sighed softly. He reached up to push the orange-ish hair out of his face, rubbing his eyes a little. He was hungry, but as he thought about it, a familiar twisting sensation growled in the pit of his stomach. Katsu froze, feeling it spread across his belly and along his limbs.

“M-Makoto!” he gasped, tugging a little, “I-I need a bathroom, like-um, now.”

Makoto blinked, “You can’t hold it?”

“It’s not that,” Katsu whimpered, raising a hand to cover his mouth. He bites back a vile-groan.

Eyes widening in understanding, Makoto nodded. He took Katsu by the hand, and guided him up the steps. He snatched the key from Laurent, who only smiled. They went into the final room on the third level, and straight through the main room to the small bathroom.

“Morning sickness? I thought it was during the morning.”

“Katsu has it at night.”

Laurent hummed, “Oh-I see.”

Carefully, Makoto rubbed Katsu’s back. Tendering to him, comforting him – Katsu really hated being sick. He really felt gross, and disgusting. By the time he was finally finished, Katsu was exhausted. His arms and legs were aching, and his throat burned.

“Are you alright?” Makoto asked softly, reaching for the toilet paper.

Katsu mutely nodded.

“Here.”

Both looked up to find Laurent. The blonde was holding an un-open water bottle to them. Makoto stared back at him in distrust, however after a moment longer, he took the bottle.

“Thanks.”

Drinking from the bottle, Katsu nervously looked around the motel room. It wasn’t very big, it had two double beds with matching awful green floral patterns. The carpet was a thick pink colour, and walls were white. He swallowed thickly, wondering just how dirty the room was.

“We’re not sleeping in that.”

Laurent hummed.

“Who knows what could be left behind.”

“Whatever do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I refuse to lay in somebodies dried up spunk!”

**I found peace in your violence**   
**Can't tell me there's no point in trying**

Katsu shifted under the green futon blanket. His body was curled up against Makoto’s, his husband was basically crushing Katsu’s smaller body in his arms. Makoto held him flat up his front, Katsu’s head luring into Makoto collarbone.

After a lot of arguing, and spitting, they stayed in the motel. Makoto had ripped of everything of the bed, and once he had completed the painstaking job of wrapping the mattress up in cling film – they had set up their travel futon on top of it.

Laurent laid in his own bed with a worry, or a care. In hindsight, this should have been the first clue or read herring.

Something was definitely up. If only Makoto had rethought it through, and considered Laurent, who he had known to be very pampered and probably wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like, was all to keen to lay in a gum-tried bucket of a bed.

It stunk so bad, that it was amazing that Makoto missed it.

Katsu blinked awake, well he hadn’t even fall into a deep sleep. Makoto was holding him to protective, shielding him with his own body. Katsu’s face was practically squished against Makoto’s chest.

Makoto hadn’t gone to sleep at all. He was awake and glaring.

“So~”

Makoto growled.

Katsu couldn’t see it, but he had a feeling Laurent was smiling or smirking.

“I’m just curious.”

“Well, take your curiosity and shove it up your ass.”

It was a little bewildering honestly. How angry and snappy Makoto was. Katsu knew and couldn’t blame how angry and upset Makoto was, but he had never heard Makoto like this. Not even when Makoto was drunk!

“Ouch. You wound me so~”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll live.”

Laurent chuckled, “I’m serious Edamame.”

“Oh yeah?” Makoto sneered, “About what?”

“About Mame.”

Katsu felt Makoto stiffen up. He blinked a little in worry. Was something wrong?

“What about Katsu?”

The sound of blankets shovelling reached Katsu’s ears. He tried still himself as possible, and keep his breathing even as to not alert Makoto that he was a wake. He loved Makoto, more then anything…but the smallest of doubt wiggled in the back of his head. So many doubts danced around his skull.

Did Makoto really accept him? Did he really love him? Was he using him?

“I’m curious. Why him?”

Makoto was quiet for a good moment, “Because…he’s everything. Katsu appeared when I needed him, and never let me drown…not that it is any of your business.”

“Fair enough – fair enough,” Laurent whistled, “I never pictured you as the family man, honestly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Ahhh! Lower your voice, Edamame~ You don’t want to waken Mame. He needs all his sleep.”

“Shut up,” Makoto grumbled quietly.

He suddenly placing a small kiss to the top of Katsu’s head. It immediately made Katsu relax, his fears, worries and doubts melting away. Instead, he decided to snuggle closer and close his eyes, might as well try to sleep. He was safe like this, safe in Makoto’s arms.

“Hmm~ So you really love em’, huh?”

“Yes. Why are you asking so many questions?”

“Like I said, I’m just curious. How long have you been together? When did you marry?”

“You’re asking to many questions, asshole. I’ve already told you, it’s a rare African number-“

“Called mind your business~”

Laurent’s amusement was thick in his voice. Katsu could feel the calm bitterness running through Makoto. His husband was really trying to calm himself. Most likely not wanting to disturb Katsu’s ‘sleep’. The guilt was beginning to set in – Katsu didn’t mean to eavesdrop again…

“I’m going to sleep now. I’m not going to answer any of your questions, so stuff it back up your backside.”

“Ah~ You’re so funny Edamame.”

“Piss off.”

**I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long**   
**I found peace in your violence**

Katsu woke up before either Makoto or Laurent.

He eased himself up carefully, he didn’t want to disturb Makoto. His husband really needed rest. Katsu was worried Makoto was already beginning to exhaust himself.

Sitting up, Katsu stretched his arms out above himself. He groaned quietly, peering around the dimly light room. The motel room was lit up by the small gaps of the blinders. Despite him sniffing, Katsu didn’t pick up on the mint-smell which would have been another clue. Instead he found his attention being captured by Laurent. A chilling-shiver ran up his spine, with his eyes widening.

Was he…really…yep. The man was presenting a full on boner. Whatever dream he was having, must be good.

Swallowing thickly, Katsu turned away with a wince. Gently, he brushed Makoto’s hair out of his face, and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. Like always, whenever Katsu left the bed with Makoto still sleeping, the man made a grabby-motion which Katsu smothered with a kiss.

It was strangely colder then before. Katsu rubbed his arms, and grabbed Makoto’s hoodie. He was became buddled up in the navy hoodie, and shovelled into the bathroom. Once he had washed himself the best he could in the motel’s small bathroom – he really wanted a shower or a bath, but settled for a quick wash in the sink.

Checking on Makoto again, Katsu stepped out the room. He closed the door behind him, and trembled from the cold breeze. His knees buckled, and he hunched his shoulders to his ears, his nose flushing cherry-red.

The vending machine was somewhere down the steps. Katsu remembered from last night, when they had made the small trip to it. He folded his arms tightly, bouncing down the steps. The vending machines were completely different to the ones in Japan. In Japan, everything was in a vending machine, but in Los Angeles, there was only a small select things.

Grossly overpriced too.

Katsu didn’t want to spend ridiculous money on things he is certain they could get cheaper. But Katsu had to eat and drink something with his medication, for his leg, for the baby and other things – other wise he’ll get sicker.

Scanning the items in distain, Katsu frowned. Nothing was jumping out at him. It was all very bland and not appetising.

“Excuse me?”

Jumping slightly, Katsu turned around find a woman approaching him. She had an elegant look about her, so clean and perfectly put together. Quite professional, in deed. She wore a pair of black dress pants, a light blue blouse with a black jacket. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, and lastly a pair of blue-rimmed glasses sat on her pointed nose.

“I’m sorry. It was not my intention to startle you.”

Katsu blinked once, then twice. He shifted nervously, eyes flickering around them for anything out of place. Out of order. Everything looked fine, perfect even…

“O-Oh, um, it’s alright. I, um…”

The woman smiled smoothly. Her lips quivering in such a way that made Katsu think she knew a great secret.

“I have a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

“Q-Questions?”

She hummed, reaching into blazer. With care, she held a black flat leather square up. It was not the square that sent a worrying quiver through him, no, it was the shiny badge attached to it.

“I’m with the FBI.”

FBI? Katsu’s eyes widened in shock. FBI? What did the FBI want with him?

“Oh, I-um-I-“

The woman laughed, “Relax. I’m not going to arrest you. I just want a little chat.”

“A-A chat?”

“That’s right,” she nodded, “How about we get a coffee?”

Katsu twisted both hands around the bottom of the hoodie, “Ah-um-oh, I-I can’t drink coffee-um.”

“How about hot coco, then?”

After a moment, Katsu nodded.

**Can't tell me there's no point in trying**   
  


The diner was actually nice.

The two were sitting in the back booth. The diner definitely looked like something from the Great American files, movies and such. Katsu couldn’t stop looking around in awe. The cushions of the booth’s were ruby, with white stripes. The tables were polka dotted.

“Please, eat.”

Katsu swallowed, staring down at the salad-filled sandwich. Next to the plate was a large mug of hot chocolate, whipped cream, chocolate flakes and a chocolate flake sticking out of it. He stared down at it all in a nervous awe.

“I-I can’t…”

“Don’t worry. It’s all on me. My little treat,” the woman winked.

Katsu flushed, bowing his head, “T-Thank you.”

The woman chuckled, stirring her own large mug of hot chocolate. It rivalled Katsu’s in all ways, except it was topped way to many cherries. She had offered him cherries too, but he had to turn the offer down.

Slowly, Katsu took the small spoon to test the whip cream. As soon as he put it into his mouth, he gasped and his eyes widened.

“My, you’re so cute,” the woman laughed, “Don’t tell me you’ve never had American filled coco before?”

Katsu sheepishly looked to the side, “I-I, well…no. I haven’t. Um, we…can’t afford things like this and-and my husband…” he trailed off, anxiously chewing his bottom lip.

“Husband? You’re married?”

“Um.”

The woman prompted her arm up, resting her perfectly makeup-face into her hand, “How long have you been married?”

She was so nice. Katsu didn’t know how to explain it. She made him feel comfortable. It must be a police trick…

“Um, oh, about two years now.”

“Two years?” the detective hummed sweetly.

Katsu nodded, “W-Well, we know each other before that. Um, we only got together four years go.”

“You knew eachother when you were young?”

“Ah, we met in university…” Katsu smiled fondly, “I had such a big crush on him back then, and he never noticed.”

“He must have eventually? He married you after all.”

Katsu lowered his face, smiling meekly, “He did. We met again in Tokyo, or well, we ran into eachother. I guess, we saved one another. We found one another during dark times.”

“I see. You two must really love eachother.”

Blushing, Katsu knitted his fingers together, “Yes. I love him very much, and he’s made me very happy…”

The woman smiled. The smile was different, more gentle, more sweet and just more _real_. Her eyes shimmered.

“That’s lovely,” she said, “I’m glad you guys found one another during tough times…”

Katsu sheepishly smiled, “I like to think…it was fate. That we were supposed to run into one another at that point of time. Oh gosh, that makes me sound sappy, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. Not at all. Your married to the love of your life, and carrying Makoto’s child.”

Laughing softly, Katsu nodded. Suddenly he paused, his face became white, and he blinked – squinting his eyes eventually.

“I-I…I-um, I never told you I was pregnant…”

The woman stilled, “You didn’t?”

“I never mentioned that…or Makoto’s name…”

The two just stared at one another. The woman seeming to have frozen up at her slip up, looking almost disbelief in it. Delicately, the worry and fear began to set in. How did she know that? Did she already know everything?

Katsu began to sink back in the booth. His arms sliding off the booth table, to crossing into his stomach anxiety.

Who was she?

“Katsu! Katsu!”

Snapping his head around at the howl of his name, Katsu’s eyes watered at the figure entering the diner. He poked his head out of the booth, seeing Makoto notice him and run towards him.

Laurent strolled along behind him.

“Katsu! Are you okay? I wake up, and you were gone!”

“M-Makoto…”

The brunette stumbled to a stop, plopping down next to auburn male. His arms immediately wrapping around Katsu, hugging him. However, he soon took notice of the other figure in the booth with Katsu.

“What are you doing here?”

“You know her?”

The woman straightened herself in her seat, “It’s been a long time, Makoto. You’ve grown so much.”

Makoto narrowed his eyes, “Cynthia.”

Hearing the name, Katsu swallowed thickly. He fidgeted nervously. Cynthia, the woman that Makoto cared about the most from team Confidence. She hadn’t been the one to hurt him the most, but knowing that she knew – stung Makoto a lot. She had left all that money for them, hadn’t she?

Still, Katsu couldn’t help but feel like he had been in an…parent interrogation. As if a over protective mother had made judgements if he was good enough for her precious baby.

“I’m glad you decided to come…”

“Don’t,” Makoto bristled, “Don’t do that. I’m only here to find out what’s so important that you all want to railroad my new live. As soon as I find out, I’m going home.”

Cynthia bowed her head soothingly. Something moved across her face, Katsu wasn’t sure what it was. Was she hurt? Sadden?

“S-So…you’re not an FBI detective?” he meekly asked instead.

Turning her way to gentle eyes back to him, Cynthia smiled tenderly, “I apolgoize Katsu. I didn’t mean to deceive you. I simply wanted to learn more about you.”

Makoto immediately stiffened up further, “No. You wanted to find out about our relationship.”

“Guilty as charge.”

Katsu pressed his fingers against the edge of the table, leaning forward slightly. He frowned in confusion, “But why did you lie about being an FBI detective? You could have just told me.”

“You wouldn’t have spoken to her-“

“He would have,” Cynthia interrupted Laurent, tilting her head up to the blonde. This time, something dark slithered between her honey eyes, “It’s not the same.”

Laurent simply shrugged.

Cynthia shook her head. She tilted her head away, pinching the bridge of her nose – inhaling sharply to calm herself. She then lifted her eyes back to the pair of them, gazing Makoto and Katsu. Her eyes twinkled.

“There is another reason why I had came to you as an FBI detective. You probably haven’t noticed Makoto, but since leaving the airport, a black car was following you. They have been parked in the gas station carpark across from the motel all night.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, “What? Why? What have you done this time?”

“Calm down, Edamame,” Laurent said. He held his hands up with a hum, “You’re not involved. Reassure.”

The brunette sneered, untrustingly. Katsu squeezed his hand under the table, trying to comfort him – Makoto immediately squeezed back.

Makoto breathed in, “Fine. Okay. But why is that car following us? And why is it parked across the motel?”

“It’s an unmarked FBI car.”

So FBI is involved?

Cynthia sighed. She propped her elbows onto the table, and crossed her fingers together. She clicked her tongue, “Unmarked black FBI cars have been following us around for the past few months. We’re not completely sure why, as of now, but I suspect they’ve somehow connected us to a few crimes. What crimes, I have no idea.”

“Okay, but why would you grab Katsu like that?”

“I had to approach him before they did. When he came outside to the vending machine early in the morning, it was the perfect opportunity.”

Cynthia then turned back to Laurent, “Was you followed back to the diner?”

“Nope,” Laurent smiled, “We were able to give them the slip. The housekeeping was all to keen on earning a little cash. Pretending to be our decoys worked well in their favour.”

Makoto twitched, “Still fucking with people, huh?”

“I had no other choice. The FBI could have taken both you and Mame into custody the moment we separated.”

“Oh!” Makoto rolled his eyes, “So you wanted to make sure you are able to gag us.”

“Great minds think alike~”

“Shut up. So, the motel?”

“All part of the plan.”

“Piss off.”

Katsu blinked, sheepishly sighing. Makoto and Laurent was always bickering. How Laurent never seemed fazed with how bitter, and angry Makoto became was quite amazing. Katsu nervously turned his head away, and caught Cynthia staring at him. An embarrassing flush ran down his throat.

Why was she staring at him, like that?

“Um…so what…um, w-what happens now?”

As Katsu’s small voice bravely echoed through the booth, both Laurent and Makoto silenced. Katsu fidgeted meekly upon having all eyes on him, his fingers playing the loose ends of Makoto’s hoodie.

“I-I mean…what do we do now?”

“Sharp one, you are~ It would seem Edamame picked wisely.”

Makoto doesn’t rise to the bait. Instead he wrapped an protective arm around Katsu’s shoulders, rubbing them comfortingly.

“I suppose, first thing to do, is to get going.”

“Going?” Makoto repeated, “And where would be going?”

Cynthia stood up, she straightened her blazer. A soft, and tender sly gaze down at them, “Stop asking questions, and you will see.”

Makoto grumbled. Huffing to himself, before he turned to Katsu. His warm eyes scanning Katsu’s body, probably checking for wounds, bruises or scratches. Seeing none, pressed a quick kiss to his temple.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

Katsu shyly nodded, not wanting to speak what he truly was feeling out loud. Instead, he lowered his head and squeezed Makoto’s hand – mutely letting him know how he was anxious he was feeling.

“Shall we get going, then?”

“What about our things?” Makoto said.

Laurent waved it off.

Sighing deeply, Makoto gently tugged on Katsu’s hand. The two stood up together, hands still clapped together. As the group of four began to exit the diner, Katsu nervously looked at the gas station. His eyes trailed across the cars until he saw the black car.

A green haired woman was pacing in front of it.

**I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long**

Katsu made a mouse gasp.

The married couple stood together in disbelief. Makoto looked more annoyed then bewildered, while Katsu just looked amazed and was in a nervous fear.

“You’ve not changed,” Makoto grunted.

Laurent hummed, hands in his pockets. He straightened himself to peer back at him in with a carefree smile.

“You think so?” he perched his lips in thought, “Hm. I don’t see it.”

Makoto rolled his eyes, but doesn’t say anything.

Katsu shrunk back, becoming very overwhelmed and small. So tiny underneath the looming building of mirror. His heart basically jumped in his chest, tightening his hands around the bottom of the hoodie.

Cynthia strolled towards them, pushing a pair of shades up into her hair. Her reddish hair whipped along behind her, and as she walked, Katsu noticed a few head turns. She didn’t seem to be fazed, but her eyes did twitch just a little.

“We couldn’t go to my island. We’re pretty sure the FBI may have it bugged.”

“Bugged?” Makoto repeated.

Katsu shuddered. Just how far deep were they in this time? If the FBI had gone this far to bug them, what did they suspect the team had done? What crime were they racing after them for?

He couldn’t help but feeling concerned. He didn’t want Makoto to fall into this rabbit hole and come out more hurt then before.

The building in front of them was every bit flashy, and shiny. Katsu had no idea how many floors the building had. The people going in and out of the building were all clean cut, in silk suits and dresses. All looking perfect, as if they’re in magazine photoshoots. Models, actors, actresses, maybe even Doctors?

People who came from money. Were made of money. Had money trees growing in their gardens.

Katsu definitely felt out of place there.

Gulping, he was gentle lead up to the place. The closer they got to the building, the bigger it was. Katsu was on the verge of fainting! The fear, and worry kept circling throughout him.

“It’ll be alright,” Makoto said quietly, smiling comfortingly at him.

Katsu blinked once, “O-Oh…”

“I know, it’s daunting. I used to feel the same way back then.”

“How-How did you get over feeling-feeling…”

“Like an bug under an magnifying glass?” Makoto said, squeezing his hand, “Well, I never got ride of it. You trick is to act like you belong. Don’t keep your head down, don’t do anything to make yourself look out of place.”

Katsu sniffled, “Um, b-but…we already look out of place. Compared t-to, um…we’re in hoodies and jeans.”

“I know, it looks like that. But even the greatest conman can go undetected, dressed in rags, if they look like they own the place.”

The shorter man made a soft ‘oh’ sound. So the trick was to look comfortable, as if they belonged.

A soft ‘whoosh’ sound and a fresh breeze of air came from the sliding doors. Stepping inside, Katsu could definitely tell it was apple and oranges between the motel and this place. The floor was crystal pearl, so clear that he could see his own reflection. Beauitful white flower carved pillars, silver framed the walls and the main counter. The main entries of the building was open up by a massive stair case, that started as one leading up to the second level and then breaking off into two staircases. Chandeliers hanged from the ceiling in rows of three.

There was even a crystal fountain in the middle of the floor. He mutely stared in awe, seeing an dolphin ice sculpture with the fountain.

Katsu’s attention was taken away from the sculpture, and fountain, by the red haired women approaching them. Cynthia stepped away from the counter, gracefully. She held up three key-cards, each one was a light blue and white colour. The main difference from each of them, was the black numbers on them. Katsu hadn’t seen a number that long in a long time.

“Shall we go up?”

Up? Katsu peeked at the glorious staircase once again.

**I've been quiet for too long  
I've been quiet for too long  
**

The room was huge. Much bigger then the old, warned flat, Makoto and Katsu had shared and was the same size of their farmer house.

It was an flat! Instead of silver, it was gold. Wooden floors with white rugs. The rugs looked royal! Fabrica? There was a bunch of white leather coaches in the middle, with a white coffee table that had a basket full of the freshest fruit. Bright colours really stuck out. Grey curtains hanged from the panel walls.

It was like a Queen flat.

Katsu was afraid to accidently bring dirt in with him.

“Don’t worry, we each have a room.”

Makoto squinted eyes, “And how are we paying for it?”

Cynthia smiled gently, “Don’t worry. Your shared room is on me.”

“Oh.”

The brunette took the blue key card, holding it between his fingers. Makoto perched his lip, biting it with his cheeks puffed out.

“Right…” he began, “So, what are we doing here? Why is the FBI up your asses? If you’re trying to hide from them, then don’t you think avoiding places like this would be best?”

Cynthia sat back on the coach, crossing her long legs, “The best trick is to hide in plain sight. Remember, Makoto?”

Makoto made a sound, tilting his head to the side.

“Okay, fine. But-“

“Why you’re here.”

Makoto nodded sternly. He refused to sit, and was fidgeting, his right leg kept jerking back and forth. Katsu stayed close to him, and despite how tight Makoto’s grip was on his hand now. He tried to ignore it, and support his husband without speaking. 

Cynthia inhaled sharply, as if what she was about to say was truly painful. That it hurt for her to even speak.

“Have you heard of the four royalties?”

“What?” Makoto’s eyebrows creased, “Four royalties?”

A tingle of familiarity appeared in the back of Katsu’s mind. He couldn’t put his figure on it, but he felt as if he had heard it before.

Four royalties?

He’s heard of it before, but where? And what were they?

“The royalties of Spades, Clubs, Hearts and Diamonds, and their aces.”

“You mean the playing cards?” Makoto said loudly.

Cynthia sighed softly, lowering her head a little, “They’re…how do I explain this? Hmm. We’re team Confidence, and they’re the Four Royalties. Well there’s eight of them, but they called themselves Four Royalties.”

“They’re con artist?”

Four Royalties? Katsu suddenly gasped, “No, well yes. M-Makoto, if I remember correctly…um, they were rumoured to be a group of magicians that was able to con the biggest people in the world. They even robbed banks without even being there.”

“I remember, their story has been around for years. There had been many documentaries made on them.”

Cynthia nodded, “They would always leave their card from a playing pack. A calling card, or a sign to the police it was their job. Sometimes all eight cards would be left behind, meaning all eight members were involved, or one, two…you get what I mean?”

Makoto frowned, scratching at his head, “I don’t…I’ve never heard of them before…what crimes did they commit?”

“They stole from the rich, and gave to the poor,” Laurent spoke, hands in his pockets, “The most famous had been when they stole over $86,000,000,0 from Doctor John Matheson. They then gifted the money to a group of children, from New York’s children hospital.”

Katsu swallowed, “Because of this, the FBI looked into Doctor John Matheson, and found he was negligent in his practice. H-He was bringing more harm to the children then good, using them as unwilling guinea pigs…it was revealed he was purposely infecting them horrendous illness from around the world…”

“The Supreme Court ruled that the children and their families keep the money.”

Makoto gapped in shock, “What? How did they steal that much money?”

“Nobody knows. But in Doctor John Matheson’s bank, they found all eight calling cards. It’s never been revealed, but it’s assumed the police found a file of information there too. It makes you wonder how he made that much money,” Laurent sighed, “But that’s just one of many jobs they’ve done. Some as grand as that job, others not so grand.”

“They were never caught?”

Cynthia shook her head, “Never. They robbed banks, jewellery stores, exposed corrupted people, and such. There is thousands of other crimes that is expected to be committed by them, but unable to be proven. The calling cards could have been taken, or lost, or whatever – even today, you can find their calling cards popping up online in auctions.” 

“H-How do people know the cards belong to the Four Royalties?” Katsu asked quietly.

“Ah, every calling card is signed with their signature.”

Makoto frowned, “Okay, so what? The FBI believe you guys were the Four Royalties? All along? Is that it? What do you want me to do about it?”

Laurent smirked, “There are eight members, Edamame.”

Makoto growled deeply. He glared at the blonde, making a voiceless question. Katsu shuddered, peeking between Makoto and Laurent worriedly.

What was Laurent getting at? Oh! The FBI doesn’t believe Makoto is a member?! Do they?! They can’t! Makoto hasn’t been with the team in years!

But…the Four Royalties haven’t committed a crime in…years either…

“What we want to do, is simple.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?!”

“Become the Four Royalties and commit a few crimes right in front of the FBI’s eyes. Make them watch us, as a crime is suddenly committed.”

“…So they no longer believe we’re the Four Royalties…” Cynthia added quietly, “Makoto…”

“Don’t.”

Makoto narrowed his eyes, glaring angrily. His hands clenched so tightly that his knuckles flared white.

“No. No.”

“Edamame-“

“No!” Makoto snapped loudly, “No! I’m not doing this! I refuse to! I just want to be left the hell alone! I’m not going to commit some ridiculous plan you have to trick the FBI! Right in front of their damn eyes! Where it could go so wrong!”

Both Laurent and Cynthia looked at one another. Something seemed to bounce between the pair of them. Cynthia truly looked pain, as if she was beginning Laurent not to do something with her eyes alone.

However, the blonde French man did not listen.

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

Laurent strolled towards the black bag he had brought alone with him. He gracefully slipped a pale-blue bound file out. He glanced over his shoulder, his blue eyes flickering almost with regret before it melted away.

“If you do not agree to do the plan…” Laurent began, “We’ll slip this to the FBI.”

He dropped the file onto the table, letting it spring open upon impact. Papers spilled across the table, revealing photos, blocks of texts, messages, emails, blueprints and so much more. Makoto stilled immediately, his chocolate eyes growing wide with his jaw becoming slightly slacked.

Katsu stepped closer, looking down at the mess of papers. His heart practically stopped. Photographs of Makoto committing crimes. Every job he had done with team Confidence was there. Every little thing was there. From Los Angeles Connection straight to the Wizard of Far East.

But what was worse, was the playing card.

He didn’t know if it was the real deal, or if it was copy. But it was scary.

The calling card of the King of Clubs sat in the middle of the mess. It was pinned to a close up photo of Makoto.

“T-That’s…that’s not true…” Makoto mumbled quietly.

Laurent shrugged, “The card may be fake. You certainly aren’t the King of Clubs, but…if the file is given to the FBI, with the card? And the fact it’s clear you’re involved in some of jobs? You think they’ll ignore this? Considering they already know they’re missing two members?”

“All they have to do is to look into you. It all adds up, don’t you think?”

“Adds up?” Makoto began quietly, his eyebrows creasing.

Cynthia avoided looking at him.

“You’re blackmailing me?”

“Right.”

**I found peace in your violence  
Can't tell me there's no point in trying**

“Makoto!”

Makoto had ran out of the room after Laurent confirming the blackmail. He hadn’t spoke a word, but spun around and ran away.

His chest tightened in pain. Katsu whimpered, his eyes wide with worry and fear. He kept running the image of the first time he met Makoto around his head. He doesn’t want to discover Makoto passed out drunk, or to find Makoto had hurt himself again.

He had to find him!

“Makoto?”

Katsu stumbled forward, out into a brand new corridor. His eyes frantically looked around, before moving to race onward, when he paused. Katsu immediately turned back around to see the crouching man.

Makoto was crouched down behind the doorway. His head was underneath his arms, and he was rocking slowly on the tip-toes of his shoes.

Breathing softly, Katsu slowly approached him – carefully climbing to his knees. Gently, he reached one hand out to touch Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto immediately snapped his head up, eyes wide and red-rimmed.

“Katsu?” he mumbled brokenly.

Katsu nodded, “It’s alright Makoto. It’s okay.”

“Katsu…” Makoto hiccupped, face crumbling, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

The auburn haired man shovelled closer, he smiled comfortingly and delicately pulling Makoto into a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around the sobbing man, one hand rubbing his back while his other ran through his messy brown hair.

“It’s not your fault. It’s okay. I love you.”

Makoto cried, “Why? How could they do this to me?”

“I don’t know, but it’s okay. I’m here,” Katsu said, “I’m here with you this time. You’re not alone.”

“Don’t leave me, don’t leave me.”

“I’m not. I’m here. I’m stay here with you.”

Makoto clung to him.

“I love you. I love you so much, Katsu.”

**I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long**

**I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors  
**

“T-This is…ridiculous price…”

Makoto grumbled, “Fuck him. We’ll send the bill to his damn room. He can take care of it.”

Katsu fidgeted. He once again looked at the expensive menu on the wall, “Um…”

“Maybe we should just-just, um, step outside to that fast food place?” Katsu suggested quietly, leaning his head against Makoto’s shoulder, “I also don’t want to-to, you know…have them pay for us any more….”

Makoto ran his free hand through his dark hair, “Yeah. You’re probably right, but I also want to make him pay for everything I spend in this hotel.”

“I know, but it’s safer if we don’t…”

“Yeah,” Makoto nodded, kissing Katsu, “You’re right. We shouldn’t trust them, especially with money.”

Katsu smiled, “We have our own money, so let’s go get food into you. I don’t want you to become sick.”

“Me? I don’t want you getting sick.”

Humming sweetly, Katsu began to walk – gently leading Makoto along with him. After a moment, Makoto stepped up to his side and began to gently swing their hands a little – his face was still sad, and broken.

They sat together, cuddled together outside the fast food place. There was tree planters, inside concrete blocks. The two sat one of the blocks, Katsu head laying against Makoto’s shoulder – Makoto’s head laying on top of Katsu’s.

“Makoto?” Katsu said softly.

Makoto hummed, and opened his mouth – letting Katsu feed him the overly salted chips. He was hardly eating himself. His cup of cheap coffee was half gone, but his bacon packed burger was untouched – still wrapped up in it’s foil. Katsu was barely able to get him to eat the chips.

They sat together in silence. Just watching the cars drive pass, and watching the flashing lights. The blinking, pretty lights. Los Angeles is beautiful, it was a shame it was soiled by this situation.

The portion of chips went quickly, considering both Katsu and Makoto was eating them. Katsu moved onto the chicken burger he had, which that too, he ended up feeding to his husband.

Makoto chuckling pitifully, “I’m sorry. I’ve made you give up your food. I can go get you more?”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll just continue to eat your spicy bacon burger.”

“Oh?” Makoto smiled, wrapping an around Katsu’s waist, “You and I know you can’t take more then one bite. You hate thousand island sauce.”

Katsu paused. He peeking down at the burger, and then back up at Makoto, “I don’t know. Maybe the baby has changed my taste buds.”

Finally, after a good few minutes, Katsu bravely bit into the burger.

“It, um, very…” he winced, fighting the urge to grimace.

Makoto laughed, “So brave, my love.”

“Yep. I still can’t stand thousand island sauce,” Katsu said, sticking his tongue out.

Pressing a kiss to the top of Katsu’s head, Makoto hummed. He buried his face into Katsu’s soft hair, sniffling quietly.

“I love you. I love you so much…”

Katsu pressed his lips to Makoto, kissing him.

“You should finish this, my love.”

Makoto peered down at the burger. He nodded, he began to eat the burger. Katsu smiled, snuggling further into Makoto’s arms. Katsu simply laid his head against Makoto’s chest, staring across the street.

“Hey Makoto?”

“Hmm?”

“Do people really eat rattlesnake hotdogs and crocodile burgers? That doesn’t sound very nice. I wonder if it’s as bad as mint peas and white rice?”

Makoto laughed, “Oh, I love you.”

Returning to the hotel was daunting. Supporting one another, they entered the hotel with their heads high. Nobody paid them any attention. Katsu was rather amazed that it was very late at night now, and the hotel was still buzzing.

Katsu tried to fight the yawn, but it bubbled out anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Makoto said softly, squeezing his hand, “You must be incredibly tired. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have pulled you out – we should have just went to bed…I shouldn’t have dragged you all the way out here.”

“Makoto, no,” Katsu hummed tiredly, “Don’t say it again. Stop apologizing for me following you out here. I came willing, I didn’t have too, I decided to come. Because I love you.”

Makoto smiled sweetly. He hugged Katsu tightly, “I know, I love you too.”

“Let’s go to our room, we can…deal with everything in the morning.”

The brunette kissed him again, “Yeah, let’s sleep…”

“I’m sure you’ll feel better after a good night sleep…”

It was hopeful wishing, honestly. But Makoto simply nodded. Both knew it already.

Taking way to long to find the door that matched the key card, the pair stood in front of the door. Katsu meekly peeked between the card and door nervously. Carefully, Katsu pushed the card into the slot on the door. He stared at the lights anxiously, seeing the light flash to green and the door clicked open.

It was no where near as grand as the other room, but it was just as amazing. Katsu’s chest swelled in disbelief. It was slightly more cosy, not an flat, but more like a studio flat. The main room was the bedroom, with the living room squished together. The bed was a massive, round – circle shaped bed with heart cushions covering the surface. The blankets and quilts were a rich red colour – like a sweet heart room. Everything was red and pink, not a burning eye one, but a warm and cosy element.

In front of the bed, was a single red coach and two single arm chairs. A table between the set, with a fire place in front of them. To the left, was a door to the bathroom.

“It’s cold…” Katsu mumbled quietly.

Makoto peered around the room, “Let’s get the fire place going. I’m sure that will warm you up.”

Inching towards the bed, Katsu carefully sat on the edge. Was it supposed to be a valentine sweet? Or maybe a honeymoon sweet?

“M-Makoto…” he began quietly, “…W-What if…they’ve bugged the room?”

Makoto stood up from the fire place. His eyes circled around the room, “I had the same thought. But it was Cynthia who had the key card, not…him. I, as much as it pains me to say it, trust Cynthia more than that ass.”

“I trust you,” Katsu said.

Pausing briefly, Makoto’s face heated up with emotional heat. His eyes became glassy, and water. He crossed the room quickly, and immediately circled his arms around Katsu’s shoulders.

“But I keep letting you down.”

Katsu tilted his head backward, lightly touching Makoto’s face. He smiled tenderly, “You haven’t. Makoto, you haven’t let me down. And besides, having to work through hurdles and encountering problems, together, is all part of a relationship.”

“We’re married. We’ll have tough times, and easy times. We will come to rough patches, and slipper slides, but I know we can get through it. We’ll work through it. I know we will.”

Makoto sniffled, “We will? How can you be so sure? What if this is it?”

“I…just know. Deep inside my heart, I just know. This isn’t the end, Makoto.”

**My whole life, I've felt like a burden  
I think too much, and I hate it**

Light streamed through the tiny gaps of the thick wine curtains. Ever-so-slowly, the curtains fluttered from the cool morning breeze.

Katsu laid in the pink blanket. His eyes watched the curtains, softly humming to himself while running his fingers gently through the brown unkept hair. Every so often, he would press a gentle kiss to the man’s temple.

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

Makoto shifted, brushing their lips together, “Not really. I struggled to turn my brain off. Did you sleep at all last night?”

“A little,” Katsu said, “It was difficult.”

“Because you’re not used to sheets like these?”

Sheepishly, Katsu flushed. He snuggled even closer to his lover, pressing gentle kisses along Makoto’s chin until Makoto, himself, pulled him into a kiss.

“I’m not good en-”

“You are,” Makoto said, “I promise. Someday, I’ll improve our lifestyles. We’ll be sleeping in sheets like these every night.”

Katsu hummed, “What if I don’t want that lifestyle? What if I’m happy with the lifestyle we have? We don’t need lots of money, just enough to support our baby. But the main thing, as along as we have eachother, we’ll be fine.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Why don’t you?” Katsu asked.

Makoto bites down on his bottom lip, “I, I do. I know in my heart, but my head. My head says something else. I can’t stop second guessing myself, double thinking and doubting myself.”

“You know I am always here to listen to you. Whenever you want to talk it out. I will always be there for you.”

The brunette smiled gently. His hands rubbed Katsu’s back, caressing the tender skin – his right hand slid down to rub Katsu’s bumped-leg. His fingers gently caressing the aching, scarred skin.

“I know, I have a lot of…baggage. That you’re always ready to help me, to support me with my-my problems…” Makoto began softly, “But I want you to know, that I’m here for you too. I want to be able to support you too.”

Katsu smiled sweetly, “I love you, Makoto.”

The two kissed once more. Quickly becoming tangled up in one another.

After a good half an hour of kissing, the two was sitting up. Katsu ran a hand through the mess of orange-ish hair. He leant against Makoto’s shoulder, their fingers threaded together and playing.

“How are you feeling today?”

Makoto sheepishly looked down, “Honestly? Not any better, but I feel much more comforted knowing you’re still here. That you’ll be by my side.”

“Of course, I will always be.”

As much as they wanted to stay in the bed, ignoring the world, they simply couldn’t. The two eventually climbed out of the bed. Once it was bad as perfectly as they could get it, Katsu inched towards the bathroom.

He hadn’t gone into the bathroom. Curiosity burned through him, what did the bathroom look like? Was it going to be as grand as the main room? Katsu hadn’t even gone into the public bathroom the hotel had.

The bathroom was amazing.

Katsu stood in the middle of the bathroom in disbelief. It wasn’t as big as the main room, but still bigger then their own bathroom back home. The floor was incredibly clean and shiny. The bathroom back in their old farm-house, was made of wood. The hotel bathroom was glass, and just so…expensive looking!

Not wanting to be in the bathroom for very long, Katsu took a quick shower. He was practically in and out of the large shower, rather than the bathtub – he would have liked a bath, but he couldn’t bring himself to bath himself in such an expensive looking room again. Instead, he washed his hair and then body before climbing back out. He would have really liked to have a bath with Makoto, but a quick shower will have to do.

Makoto was just as quick as him.

“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much yesterday.”

Both re-dressed in the same clothes they had yesterday, Makoto and Katsu was sitting on the coach together.

“Um, no I’m alright…” Katsu said softly, “But Makoto…we’ve lost our luggage…and my…”

Makoto stiffened, “Shit. I’m sorry. I’ll go see if I can get it from the pharmacy down the road.”

“I-It’s okay. I’m sure I can figure it out, um, I’ll see about contacting Doctor Milly.”

“Are you sure? I’m so sorry. Shit. This is all my fault.”

Katsu kissed Makoto on the cheek, “I’m sure. It’s not your fault, you wouldn’t know what would happen. And honestly, I should have had a better hold on the medication. I’m sure Doctor Milly will understand, um, I’ll just tell her we were mugged a-and they stole our language, um.”

Makoto wrapped his arms around him again, “I’m so sorry. Katsu, if I wasn’t such a block head, I could have protected it better.”

“It’s alright,” Katsu hummed, “Like I said, I’m sure Doctor Milly will understand.”

The medication was important after all. For the baby, his leg and such.

“You should still eat,” Makoto said, “I’ll order room service. Um, what do you want? We could get, er, pancakes?”

Katsu laughed, “You don’t like pancakes.”

“Yeah I do.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve never liked pancakes,” Katsu smiled, “Remember? You dislike the texture of them.”

Makoto smiled, “You know me so well.”

“You like waffles better, but you’re not that keen on it.”

Planting butterfly kisses along Katsu’s chin and neck, “Ah, well, you’re right about that. I prefer eggs.”

“You eat to much eggs,” Katsu giggled.

It was in that moment, the two heard a careful knock. A knock from the door, that made both of them freeze. They shared a look, and then turned to face the door. Katsu’s stomach clenched, remembering the conversation from yesterday. He was barely able to distract Makoto from it.

As soon as they heard the knock, Katsu watched Makoto’s face change. He became more closed off, and guarded.

“He couldn’t have given us an hour,” Makoto grunted, climbing off the coach, “Asshole.”

Nervously, Katsu’s hand jerked. They gripped at the green hoodie, anxiously turning to look at the door. He didn’t get up to follow Makoto to the door, and he didn’t need too. He could see the door perfectly, and clearly.

Makoto stepped up to the door, he inhaled sharply and gripped the handle. He waited a few minutes, before pulling it open.

It was not Laurent.

It was not Laurent, or Cynthia.

No, it was somebody Katsu had never seen before. The person was feminine, a woman, who looked beyond beautiful.

“Um, hello?” Makoto said.

The woman didn’t say anything. She only stared, her pretty blue eyes staring at Makoto and soon turning to Katsu. Her eyes were framed by long black eyelashes, her hair was long – almost reaching her hips and was truly amazing. It was supposed to black, but had clearly been died white but Katsu could see pink high-lights. She was dressed similar to them, wearing comfortable clothes – a white jumper with jeans. The woman had a white bag with her.

Despite her wearing comfortable clothes, she still looked like the Queen of the castle. 

“Makoto Edamura?”

Katsu felt a chill run through him at how soft her voice was. Her voice was smooth as silk, and filled with…fondness? Not in a lover-like-way, but…as a mother who hadn’t seen their child in centuries?

Makoto awkwardly nodded.

“And you must be Katsu Edamura?”

Katsu swallowed, his cheeks darkening. There was something about this woman, that had his toes curling with the want of not disappointing her? Like he was suddenly thrusted in front of his lovers parent which was strange as Makoto had told him, his mother had passed away years ago and his father…well…Katsu didn’t want to think about that man.

The woman sighed in content, her head luring to the side a little. Her eyes shut briefly, and she swung her arms in front of herself.

“I’ve been wanting to meet you both, for a very long time now. I’m sorry I wasn’t at the…I don’t want to call it an meeting, I believe it was more like an ambush but I couldn’t be in that room. I would probably have lost it.”

Something tickled in the back of Katsu’s head. He found himself moving before he knew what was happening. He came to stand next Makoto, and gestured for the woman enter – this was not a conversation to have outside in the open.

“U-Um, would you like to come in?”

The white haired woman smiled. Her smile was breath taking. Katsu found himself mimicking it.

“Thank you. I would really appreciate it.”

Once the three of them was inside the room, the door shut, and all three of them sitting on the small lounge area. The woman was sitting directly in the middle of coach, like the Queen she was. Katsu, himself, was sitting on one of the two armchairs. Makoto decided to stay standing, with his arms crossed.

Makoto was untrusting.

“I’m sorry if I disturb you two. I thought it would probably be better for myself, if I come see you in the morning. I was to angry to see you last night.”

Angry?

Who is this woman?

Makoto shifted, fidgeting with slight bitterness, “I’m sorry, but who are you? I don’t know you.”

“Of course. You probably wouldn’t remember me, the last time we truly met, you was six years old. You were so small, but look at you now. I’m amazed at how much you’ve grown.”

“We met?”

The woman straightened herself, “It was only that one time. Oz brought you with him to a job.”

Makoto grimaced at the mention of that man, “You know…him? Wait, you worked with him? You’re apart of team Confidence?”

“Wait…”

The woman simply stared back at him, watching as Makoto pieced the puzzle together. His eyes grow wide, and then melted into a harsh glare. The woman did not look fazed by the glare.

“You’re the person who ruined my life.”

Katsu gasped, “Makoto.”

“It’s true!” Makoto said, “She’s the woman why my life was ripped apart. Why Laurent dragged me into the most fucked up situation in my life. Why they left me to have my brain messed up by a fucking child trafficker leader!”

“You’re fucking Dorothy Viglianco!”

Now the woman flinched. She turned her head, as if Makoto had reached out and smacked her. She picked at her perfectly manicured fingers, and perched her lips.

“I know you’re angry-“

“Angry?!” Makoto bellowed out, “That’s an understatement!”

Breathing in sharply, Dorothy raised her head to look at Makoto, “Listen to me, Makoto. I did not know. I did not know what that buffoon was going to pull, what he was puffing. What they all were doing. I did not know what they had planned to put you through. All I can say is I’m sorry.”

“If I had known, you would have never been involved. You may never believe me, but that is the truth. I have many rules and mottos I live by. I am sure you know quite a few, but if I was taught anything, boundaries are something that has to be respected, or you will burn everything. You said no, and that would have been the end of it.”

Makoto trembled with frustration, “Well it wasn’t the end of it. Was it? Laurent never gave me a choice. He dictated everything. And my waste of space father was in on it. He lead Laurent to me, let him manipulate my head and abuse my emotions. He even had my mother involved.”

“Makoto,” Katsu said quickly, hearing Makoto’s tone rising. He turned in the chair, and grabbed onto Makoto’s hands, “Makoto. Calm down. She didn’t know.”

Makoto opened his mouth, clearly about to yell more before the words got stuck in his throat. One look at Katsu had him turning away in shame.

“I’m sorry…”

Katsu breathed softly, squeezing his hands, “It’s okay to be upset, to be hurt, but Makoto…she’s here. She in here, trying to explain herself. I know it hurts, but you-we should hear her out.”

“I-you’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t scare you, did I?”

“No. I’m alright.”

Dorothy watched the two with a tender look in her eyes. Her fingers tightened around the end of the white jumper sleeves. She looked down with a small frown.

“I’m sorry. Makoto. I’m so sorry that my team did that to you. I know, my word will never be enough. Especially after what had happened, but I can only offer my apologizes. I’m disgusted, and I do not stand by what they had done – in my name as well. It’s all just…wrong. I’m so sorry.”

Makoto stared at her, “Okay. You’re sorry. That doesn’t change anything. Maybe before yesterday, it could have, but not now. Not after what Laurent has just done.”

“I don’t agree with that,” Dorothy interrupted sternly, “There’s a reason I wasn’t present. I was against it. We fought over it, many times. I did not want to drag you back, I did not want you involved in any of this.”

The brunette blinked a few time. Makoto took a step back, with his eyebrows creasing in confusion. He must have decided not to speak after that, because he opened his mouth and then shut it.

“Maybe someday I will earn your forgiveness, and you will come to believe me. But none of this is what I wanted. Back then and now. I can only do my best to help you during this situation, but I swear, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you both can return to your calm and peaceful lives,” Dorothy said seriously. Her blue eyes narrowing with determination, she was even leaning forward with her hands against her knees, “I know my word means nothing to you, but perhaps someday it could be.”

“I’m on your side.”

Dorothy then stood up, she straightened herself to her full height – just slightly taller then Katsu. She held her arms to her sides, and then bowed in a very Japanese style.

“I’m sorry.”

Makoto could only stare.

**I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring**   
**Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence**

“V-Viglianco.”

Dorothy paused in the hallway. Her long hair swishing around her body as she turned. Her eyes growing wide in surprise, before softening into a gentle glint. Her lips formed into that Queen smile again.

“You don’t have to be so formal. Is it alright if I call you Katsu?”

Katsu twisted his hands together, his lips twitching, “Um. Yes. T-That’s fine, Vig-oh-Dorothy.”

“You know, I’m glad he met somebody like you,” Dorothy hummed, clocking her head back, “After I came back, and learned everything…I was very worried. I thought…after seeing the recordings, he might have hurt himself. I tried to check up on him, but I couldn’t find him…until he suddenly appeared living in Tokyo with a young handsome man.”

Blushing, Katsu looked down and shovelled his feet, “Um…I, Dorothy…I just wanted…”

“To know why I came back?”

Dorothy hummed, putting a hand to her chin, “Judging from things, you know everything. I expect nothing less, and am pleased the pair of you support one another. I did have amnesia, but not for very long. My memories eventually came back, and when they did, I had already loved my life with the Heather-Wheats. I had never had a family before…and with their support, was finally able to make healthy bridges.”

“I was able to make real friends. I was able to see people for people and not tools I can use to get what I want. During this time…I began to think about Laurent. We were in a relationship before I was shot. We were supposed to get married.”

The woman sighed, “I thought I loved him, but I realized I didn’t even know what love was. I had to figure out how to heal myself before I could commit myself to something like marriage. I was damaged. The Heather-Wheats helped me, showed me true family love and I desperately needed that.”

“I didn’t want to come back, you know. I was happy out there…but team Confidence found me. I had no choice, but I don’t regret it. I was able to finally let go of my past and look forward.”

“Forward?” Katsu repeated softly, “You and…”

Dorothy nodded, “I let Laurent go. I can’t love a man who I don’t know, let alone marry him. A lot changed during those years with the Heather-Wheats. I realized, I was just using people.”

Katsu swallowed thickly, “I-I’m sorry…”

“Why?” Dorothy laughed, stepping up to Katsu. She lightly took his hand, patting it, “You’re truly sweet. I glad it was you, Makoto found. I truly wish this hadn’t happened. I tried really hard to stop Laurent was committing this plan, from dragging you two into this…”

“But your letter?”

Dorothy blinked, “My letter?”

Suddenly a sinking sensation grow within Katsu.

“Y-Yes. You left Makoto a letter, it-it was in the suitcase of-of money. Laurent gave it to Makoto, he said it was from Cynthia…a letter from you was hidden inside.”

“I never wrote a letter. I mean, I have written Makoto many letters, asking for forgiveness but I had never sent any of them. I didn’t want to interrupt his new life. Makoto was so happy, I didn’t want to spoil that.”

Katsu nervously bites his bottom lip, “I, um…I’m sorry, D-Dorothy.”

The woman was silent. Her face directed to the side, slowly her eyes narrowed into snake-like slits. Suddenly, her lips twitched into a growl.

“That asshole,” she suddenly snapped loudly, “I told him I wouldn’t take part in tricking you two here! Of course he would go behind my back! Oh my god! He’s so unbelievable!”

She paused, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I’m sorry, Katsu. Recently my emotions have been getting the best of me. That guy really grinds my nerves. I’m really sorry, but that letter wasn’t from me. I do not know who wrote it, but I have a bloody good idea.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“Oh, you’re so sweet…” Dorothy sighed deeply, “I meant what I said. Until both Makoto and you are back home. Safe from all of this, I am on your side. I will do my best to help the pair of you.”

Katsu nodded slowly, “T-That nice of you…”

Dorothy could only smile pitifully. She shook her head, and then turned to lift the white bag she had with her.

“Ah, I almost forgot. This is for Makoto and you. I should have left it back in the room.”

“Oh? T-Thank you.”

“If you need anything, Katsu, just give me a call. You can also swing by my room, it’s on the floor above you. Room 4120.”

**I found peace in your violence  
Can't tell me there's no point in trying**

Returning to the room, Katsu entered to find Makoto sitting on the coach while holding his face. Carefully, he placed the bag down and sat down next to the man.

“Makoto?”

“Katsu, this is all so messed up.”

Shovelling closer, Katsu kissed Makoto on the temple, “I know. It’s crazy. Everything is somehow looped in, connected in ways I don’t think I will ever be able to keep up with. But it will be alright. You have me, no matter what.”

Makoto lifted his head, smiling at Katsu, “You’re amazing. You’re always ready to jump in for me. I wish I could have prevented all of this.”

“I know, but it happened. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Do you believe her?”

“Dorothy?”

“You’re on first name?”

Katsu sighed sadly, “Makoto. I don’t know if we can trust her, but out of everyone…she hasn’t done anything to you-“

“But she’s the reason.”

“Shhh, I know,” Katsu said, turning Makoto fully, “I know team Confidence did it all in her name, but she wasn’t aware of it. We don’t have to trust her, but right now, she’s probably the best bet we have. The others have said they were willing to-to throw you under the bus.”

“Yeah, but-“

“Makoto. The others threaten you. They said they will slip that file to the FBI. If I can, I will find any way possible to prevent that from happening. You don’t deserve that. I won’t let it happen, and if they do, I will deal with it. I will figure something out.”

Makoto groaned deeply, “I don’t want to rely on her. I don’t want to be involved with her.”

“I understand,” Katsu nodded, “We don’t have too, but we can keep her as an option encase something happens.”

“Fine. But only that, nothing else.”

“I promise.”

They wrapped themselves around one another, hugging eachother gently. They shared a few kisses, before they just laid back on the coach together. The two just snuggled up together, comforting one another.

“Makoto, it’ll be alright. I can’t say nothing will happen, but I’m sure everything will end alright. It will probably be rough, but we’ll get through it.”

Makoto kissed him, “I know. Thank you, thank you for coming with me and…”

“I love you.”

"I love you too.”

Another half an hour went by, of them just curled up together, before they untangled themselves. They had settled on the cheapest food the hotel had to offer, just two dishes that they ended up sharing anyway.

Katsu sat on the bed, had the white bag that Dorothy had given him on his lap.

“What’s that?” Makoto asked with a mouth full of scrambled eggs.

“It’s…from Dorothy.”

Makoto frowned, “What’s inside?”

“I-I don’t know…”

Opening the door, Katsu carefully opened the bag and peeked inside. His eyes widened, with a gasp, pulling out a familiar shirt. He held it up, revealing Makoto’s favourite blue t-shirt.

“It’s a few of the thing we left in motel.”

The brunette pushed the plate down, and swallowed the mouth full of scrambled eggs. He slid onto the bed next to him, leaning over to take the shirt.

“Oh!” Katsu smiled, pulling the familiar black hoodie out, “It’s your favourite one.”

Makoto snickered, “My favourite? You mean, your favourite. You’re always pinching my hoodies, it’s very sexy.”

Katsu blushed, “Makoto.”

“What? It’s true,” he laughed, kissing Katsu on the cheek, “You’re beautiful in whatever you wear…with or without clothes…”

Meekly, Katsu smiled. He leant into Makoto’s touch.

Carefully, they took out the items in the bag. Everything was something they had packed to bring with them. T-shirts, jumpers, pants – it was so relieving to have some of there things back.

Katsu took a out a small white case, and gasped. He sighed in relief, bring the case close to his chest.

“Is that?”

“Yeah…” he checked inside the case, and nodded, “Yes. It’s my medication.”

“I’m relieved,” Makoto sighed, “I was worried.”

Katsu rested his head against Makoto’s shoulder, “Well, you don’t have to be. It’s good I have all the medication now.”

There was something heavy at the bottom of the bag. Katsu reached in and took out a file. A pure black file that was bound by leather straps. It was heavy, thick and filled with what could only be papers.

“W-What’s this?”

Makoto groaned, “What now? What else could they possible do now?”

“Should we open it?” Katsu asked. 

“Why not. I doubt they could have anything else. They’ve already shown their hand.”

Katsu chewed the inside of his mouth, with twitchy fingers, he pulled at the band. Unlike all the times before, the file didn’t spring open. Everything was neat, and put together with care.

“Cards.”

“The Four Royalties,” Makoto said, leaning in close to take the first card, “Queen of Hearts, huh?”

Katsu tilted his head, “There’s supposed to be eight members, of the Four Royalties. The main four royals, and then four aces.”

“You know a lot about them?” Makoto asked, turning the card over in his fingers. His eyes squinting down at the Four Royalties signature written on it. A perfect replica.

“Oh,” the other flushed, “W-Well, um…when I was younger, I watched a lot of documentaries. On everything, really. From crimes around the world, to how bread are made. The Four Royalties was always something that amazed me.”

“How they got away with everything, never leaving a single trace behind. It fascinated me.”

Makoto clicked his tongue, “I’ve never heard of them before. It’s really strange. If they were that known, how come I never heard of them?”

“It’s probably because you were too busy. With your mother, studying, work and then…the company. I don’t think you would have noticed.”

Katsu carefully laid the file down on top of the bed. He delicately looked through the eight cards of the Four Royalties. The first page on top of the neat pile was a form.

‘Crown authority of Wisdom and Mastery.’

“Oh…perfect,” Makoto snorted, rolling his eyes exhaustingly.

Katsu allowed him to take the paper with a soft awkward laugh. It certainly sounded like the guy was…being obnoxious. He shifted on the bed, and clicked his tongue.

“The King of Spades represents the ultimate spiritual energy and wisdom. The recognition of this highest potential and directing their powers into constructive expression can be the toughest call,” Makoto read in scuff.

“Natural leaders with no limits to what can be accomplished, most King of Spaces stay in the shade of life.”

Makoto shook his head, “Well, not in so many words, but sure. He’s full of himself all right.”

“I guess he does suit the King of Spades.”

King of Spades: Laurent Thierry.

“Who’s next?”

Katsu looked back into the file, “Um…well…”

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…”

“Which one did he put me as?”

Katsu nervously laughed, “King of Clubs.”

“…Isn’t that the most aggressive one?”

Sheepishly, Katsu nodded, “Um. It says… By nature, the King of Clubs is spiritually minded, argumentative and aggressive. The King of Clubs power…depends upon cooperation, and the willing of others to help out.”

“That asshole.”

“It’s not all bad!” Katsu said quickly, “Um. The King of Clubs have a gift of fluent writing, and they make money through their efforts. Being too slow can irritate their restless mind. Real estate, law, bonds, and stock are the fields, where they can combine their inner desire for security with their ability to make constant changes, or travel.”

Makoto hummed thoughtfully, “I guess…it sort of sounds like me. But come on. Argumentative, and aggressive?”

“…Maybe a little it sounds like you,” Katsu giggled.

“You wound me so, my love.”

Katsu reached up to kissed him gently. He then turned back to file, picking up the next paper.

“The Queen of Hearts represent beauty, magnetism, affection, and idealism. They are invariably attractive, with a strong appeal to the opposite sex. When they trade for it, they are flirts; they want constant flattery, good clothes, and good times; they may become lazy and frivolous.”

Makoto rubbed his chin in thought, “Hmm. The Queen of Hearts, huh? A woman, I’m guessing.”

“Yes. Queen of Hearts enjoy a healthy debate and learn much from it as well as by absorption and observation. They like to work with robust, mature, confident people. The power of mastery is available for people born Queen of Hearts. They can make any "impossible" dream to come true by using their gift of natural strength and ability to master self-discipline.”

“That sounds like Cynthia.”

Katsu chuckled, holding the paper up for Makoto to see.

“Queens of Hearts: Cynthia Moore.”

“Makes sense,” Makoto grunted, “The ass put a lot of thought to this. I guess, the finest of details is needed. If we’re supposed to pull off this shit.”

Turning to the next page, Katsu tilted his head, “The Queen of Diamond is intuitive, receptive, and cooperative aspect of royalty. She is the true judges.”

“Queen of Diamond?” Makoto turned to look at the page, “I have a good idea.”

“The Queen of Diamond may experience indecision and uncertainty about their friends, environment, or themselves. It might be an incompatibility with family that contributes to their discontent. Their restless nature and variety of interests may lead them to change different professions and jobs, or on a contrary the fear of financial insecurity make them stick to one job that doesn't pay as much as they really worth. They need to overcome their worries to achieve success in business.”

“Queen of Diamonds can sacrifice for those they love, and with all these wonderful qualities, they might be stuck in an unhappy marriage until later in life or pursue different partners throughout their life. It might make very little or even no sense to anyone who knows the Queen of Diamonds closely. Their life can be seen as the marsh through material values toward wealth and security of this world, but they achieve their true destination only by understanding, that money is just a minimal part of values there is. Money can't buy you love, true happiness and by itself will never bring satisfaction.”

Makoto leant back, “Let me guess. Queen of Diamond is Dorothy Viglianco?”

“Yep,” Katsu nodded.

“Queen of Diamond: Dorothy Viglianco.”

“So, the main Four Royalties is the asshole, Cynthia, Dorothy and myself?” Makoto snorted, rolling his eyes, “Unbelievable.”

“All that is left, are the Aces.”

Makoto clocked his head in thought, “I wonder who will play them? There’s Abigail, I guess. I haven’t seen her.”

Katsu hummed. He didn’t know if Makoto had ever considered Abigail a friend or not, in the notebook, she was mentioned briefly – maybe she wasn’t that involved?

“Ace of Diamond.”

“Um, the Ace of Diamond is quite secretive, and prefer to stay away from others. They obtain a firm will and strong character, there is nothing that can keep the Ace of Diamond from success. They possesses great self-motivating energy, unstoppable attitude, quick mind and creative nature.”

Makoto clocked his head in thought, “Hmm. The Ace of Diamonds are bright and intelligent, and often can get by on own "wits," but good habits of self-discipline and study could be an incredible asset to achieve their objectives. They are quickly getting bored of the routine. Their creative energy leads Ace of Diamonds to change places, jobs, enterprises exposing the deep need to experience life to its full extent.”

Katsu tilted his head, “Ace of Diamonds: Kim Si Won.”

“Does, um, Won and Dorothy get along?”

Makoto tiled his head, “From what Won had said before I left. She had basically raised, Viglianco. I guess, Viglianco would consider her as mother figure? Maybe. I don’t know, but I always assumed Won was the one to teach Viglianco her moves and tricks.”

“I guess she probably taught the asshole too.”

“It makes sense,” Katsu chipped softly, “Aces are supposed to be the Kings or Queen’s bodyguards – highest worker. If Dorothy is the Queen of Diamonds, and they have a close relationship – Won being the Ace of Diamonds makes sense.”

Makoto blinked, “Oh? I didn’t know that. So the other Aces will be connected to us?”

“Yes. I think so.”

“Ah, well, whose next?”

“Um,” Katsu looked back into the file, picking up the next page, “The Ace of Hearts.”

Makoto inched forward, “Ace of Hearts? Somebody who will probably be with Cynthia, a lot then.”

“I think so,” Katsu nodded, “Let’s see…The Ace of Hearts has a lot of passion and desire to love and be loved along with a high potential for success in business. They are strong and independent, not needing to rely on others but sometimes deciding it may benefit them to do so. The Ace of Hearts are calm, and collective, they are able to inspect their surroundings and judge outcomes based on their vision alone.”

“The Ace of Heart’s predictions have never been wrong. They have a strong taste for how the elements around them are changing. They know how adapt, and reform themselves to succeed in their quest. Ace Of Hearts attracts all opportunities, and see through the cotton quickly.”

“In personal life, Ace of Hearts might tend to change their partners, until they find the one, who can fulfil their dreams and desires. They can love and give more than anyone else, and suffer from a love more than anyone else. Romanic and passionate by nature, but they are quite guarded of this side of themselves. They prefer to protect themselves then open up.”

“Ace of Hearts: Abigail Jones.”

Makoto ran a hand through his hair, “That makes sense. Cynthia did take Abby in. The Ace of Hearts does sound like her, but honestly…I sort of thought she would be been the Ace of Spades…”

Katsu smiled, “Maybe she’s like Dorothy? She wasn’t at the meeting because she strongly disagreed with, um, Thierry. She could turn up later to see you?”

“Doubtful,” Makoto sighed, “While, sure, she probably did disagree but I doubt she would come to see me. I don’t think she ever really liked me. She used to use me as the butt of her jokes or pranks.”

“Maybe that’s just how she shows her affection?” Katsu suggested, “She could see you as a good friend, because of that?”

Wrapping an arm around his middle, Makoto pulls him into a kiss.

“You’re always so positive,” Makoto said, “I need your positivity in my life.”

Katsu smiled meekly, “Positivity? It’s okay to be negative sometimes, it’s healthy to be sad, but can’t allow it to be primarily emotion.”

“I love you.”

“You always say that,” Katsu giggled.

Makoto grinned, “It’s true. You’re not going to say you love me?”

“I love you too.”

They kissed again. Finally, after a few minutes of kissing, Katsu turned to the next page. He held it carefully, holding it up to look at it. He swallowed thickly, feeling a spark of worry.

“Oh, um, Ace of Spades…”

“The asshole’s partner,” Makoto snorted, “I wonder what that is.”

Katsu tilted his head, “Do you want me to continue reading?”

“Go ahead. I can’t possible get worse.”

“Well…alright…” Katsu mumbled worriedly.

“The Ace of Spades hides their private life from public, people are drawn to them for help, advice and almost psychic energy no one can truly understand but everyone feels and embraces. Big part of Ace of Spades can feel pain and imperfectness of this world and human beings, and ready to love and sacrifice for the world to be a better place. From an early age, they learn to read people carefully, and choose friends with caution.”

“The Ace of Spades love to work and able to pursue their objectives. With persistence and self-discipline they can achieve any goal they put in front of them. They have a tremendous pool of wisdom and mental knowledge. Great intellectual potential should be used and to be emphasized by learning activities and education.”

Katsu paused briefly, “Um. They have great energy and prefer a variety of action with the opportunity to move around and travel.”

Makoto squinted his eyes, he shifted on the bed – fidgeting. He was increasingly becoming uncomfortable while Katsu spoke.

“Y-You know who the Ace of Spades is?” Katsu asked tenderly, reaching for Makoto.

The brunette frowned, “I think I do…”

“…Do you want me to read the name?” the other asked.

Makoto sighed, “It’s probably him, isn’t it?”

“….Ace of Spades: Seiji Ozaki…”

Running his hands over his face, Makoto groaned deeply. His shoulders hunched, and he shook a little, his fingers digging into his face. Katsu immediately crawled towards him, gently unhooked Makoto’s fingers – lightly drawing them onto his lap.

“It’s alright,” he hushed sweetly.

Makoto sniffled, “I – can’t. Why is he here? I don’t want…”

“You don’t have too,” Katsu said, pulling Makoto into a tender embrace once more, “You don’t have to talk to him, or even look at him.”

“It’s just…I hate him. I really do. After everything he put me through, and how he expected me to just…be happy about it? To come out unscathed? And now…they’re making me look at him?”

“It’ll be alright, Makoto. You’re not alone this time.”

Makoto smiled, he cupped Katsu’s face. Their noses brushed together, and lips pushed together.

“Okay,” Makoto inhaled sharply, “Whose the last Ace?”

Katsu hummed, turning to the file. He gently took the page between his fingers, holding it carefully.

“The Ace of Clubs. Oh, your Ace, Makoto.”

“My Ace, huh. Hmm. The only other person it could be is Kudo. I haven’t seen him around, thought.”

“The Ace of Clubs is a positive thinker, quick, witty, passionate, and a natural romantic. The Ace Of Clubs are flexible in their thinking, and that gives them great ability to adapt fast to any circumstances. There is nothing much to escape their attention. They are known to be emotional, and have desire for affection, they are compassion. Love supposes to be the Ace of Clubs fundamental motivation. Love is about giving, sharing and accepting. They are the mother of all elements, and strive to support the broken dams.”

“Ace of Clubs understands that standing beside people of significance and importance promises significant returns. Their ambitions motivate them to act, and there is a lot of energies to pursue anything they want in life. The Ace of Clubs is quick to discover their soulmate, and together, is able to create the practical cover of the future. They are not self-centred, and prefer to show their tender support in secret.”

“Romanic and passionate by nature, they must practice positive outlook and don't let negative emotional attitudes control their creative mentality. Compassionate understanding, working in service-oriented organizations and charities can add a big deal to happiness.”

Katsu blinked, “That sounds all…so different to the King of Clubs.”

“What’s that supposed to me?” Makoto pouted, “I’m not that aggressive, am I?”

Katsu giggled, “Sorry Makoto.”

“You wound me.”

“Ace of Clubs…” Katsu trailed off.

Makoto raised his head, “What’s wrong?”

“Um.”

“Ace of Clubs…me.”

It was quiet. Makoto froze, as if frost had suddenly coated his body. He sat stiffly, his back arched and he up. His face became darken by his hair, and suddenly his eyes narrowed into slits. Makoto didn’t mean any harm by it, but in his rush for desperation, he snatched the page.

“No.”

Katsu flinched, “Um.”

“No, that’s not allowed,” Makoto hissed, clenching the page, “I forbid it.”

The auburn haired man nervously wiggled, his hands trembling against his knees. The sentence kept running through his skull.

“I won’t allow this!” he growled, stomping off the bed, “Fuck him. Fuck them all. I don’t care if they continue to rip my world apart, but not you. Not you, or my baby. Fuck that fucking asshole!”

Katsu snapped back to reality, and raced after him. He stumbled off the bed, and hurriedly grabbed onto Makoto’s arm.

“M-Makoto, calm down. Um. T-There has to be a reason to this. Um.”

“No!” Makoto shook his head, grabbing Katsu by his shoulders, “No, Katsu! You can’t be involved in this, not like that! Never like that! If you agree to it, he’ll have you jumping through hoops! I’m not going to let that happen!”

Wincing, Katsu twisted his hands into Makoto’s shirt, “I know. I know, but please, Makoto. Calm down. You could accidently hurt yourself.”

“I’m so angry right now!”

“I know but it’s alright,” Katsu tried to comfort, “Calm down.”

Makoto breathed in sharply, a hand touching his chest. He closed his eyes briefly, and nodded.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Katsu. I didn’t want to scare you. I just, can’t believe he would do this. Why? Why would he force you into this messed up game? It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry. It’s because of me he’s using you. That he’s dragging you into this…if you wasn’t married to me…”

“I don’t care.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, “Katsu, you don’t understand. This is dangerous. If we fail, and the FBI of all goddamn people catch us…who knows how long we will be thrown into prison. I’d rather myself go down for this, then you!”

“I can’t allow you to get caught up in this. I just can’t risk having your life collapse in shambles.”

Katsu looked down, “I understand. I do, I hear what you’re saying. I hear everything. I have seen what happened to you, what they did to you. I love you, more then anything. Before…before we met again, I…”

“I was alone. I was alone for a very long time…everyone I thought was my friend, who were my family, turned their backs on me. As soon as I was disowned for being…me, everyone just shut me out.”

“Katsu…” Makoto sniffled, pulling him closer.

Katsu pressed his face into Makoto’s chest, “I didn’t have anybody. I didn’t have anything. I was trying so hard to make my family proud, to make my family just want me again, but I kept failing. They didn’t want a son, they wanted a daughter, and if I couldn’t be that daughter, they didn’t want me at all. They threatened me, and blacklisted me from everything their name was in.”

“Makoto. You are my everything. You changed my life, showed me I can be more then that. I don’t need my family, I just need you.”

Immediately, Makoto circled his arms tightly around Katsu. He hugged the auburn haired man so tightly, that he lifted Katsu from the ground.

“I want to be involved. If I have to be involved to help you, to support you, and do my best to-to keep you safe as I can. Then I will.”

Makoto smiled pitifully, “You want to do so much for me. You always want to hold me, want to support me…I want to do the same for you. I want to keep you safe. Katsu, you said I was your everything, you’re my everything. You are _all_ I have. You’re the _only_ good thing I have left.”

“I need to know you will be safe. You will be untouched by the poisonous venom that is team Confidence. I just…I have to have you out of their touch. I can’t-I can’t risk you.”

Katsu smiled sweetly, gently reached up to touch Makoto’s face.

“The truth is, Makoto…you scare me. You had hurt yourself, you was bleeding, drinking every day, smoking and…struggling. When I remember how you was before, I’m scared that you’ll go back to that corner and this time…I won’t be there to stop you from ending it.”

Makoto’s eyes widened.

“Makoto. I don’t want to lose you, not like that. Never like that. If you have to go to prison for some time, I’ll wait. I will always wait for you, because you’re the person I love. I love you more then anything, I’ve never loved anybody like this before. But I can’t let you go back to that moment. I won’t let that happens.”

“If this goes sour, goes north, I will figure something out.”

**I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long  
I found peace in your violence**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment! i really would like to read what you all think? and if you all like katsu!


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